This can not be real!......

Today I just found out that I am pregnant! OMG! It should be a happy time but right now I am in limbo and do not know what to do. I am scared to tell anybody and for now I am just going to keep it to myself. I had a feeling something was wrong because my period never came. I was at least expecting it today and it never showed up. This is the same thing that happened when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't get my period, went to buy tests after work, went home took them and they came out positive. I hate that I am not even in a relationship so what's gong to happen? Am I gong to have to go through all of this alone? I had my ex with me the first time and I will probably be on my own this time. I am so scared to tell anybody right now I just want to give it some time to sink in first because this is seriously shocking to me. I can not believe this is happening right now. I know I am going to have to tell the father soon and it is no other than my daughter's father so at least my kids will have the same dad but this is not good news. We have been messing around for the past 2 months and he has been telling me since that he is still in love with me and he misses me and misses us together but he is still with the other girl he has been with all this time. He pretty much told me he would have rather been with me then her but yet he kept staying with her and would not leave. I figured it was because she had her own place to live and I didn't and he didn't either. Well come to find out last week he tells me she is pregnant so now he has 2 women pregnant at the same time. I so wish I could have given that girl advice before all of this happened. He not only has been cheating on her and lying to her face everyday but now he got the woman he has been cheating on her with pregnant and at the same time as her. Will see how long this relationship is going to last because I don't know any woman that would stay with a man who would put her through all of that. If he was any kind of real man he would have had the balls to tell the girl the truth from the beginning but no and now look at the situation he got himself into. I wonder what his reaction is going to be when I tell him because 2 months ago he told me he didn't want anymore kids and that he was going to get a vasectomy. Looks like he should have did it instead of talking about it because he is about to have 4 kids instead of just 2. I just hope I can keep myself out of his drama. He pretty much told me he is only staying with her because she is pregnant so we'll see how long that lasts. I just want to worry about doing what's best for me and this baby inside of me. I'm not too far along yet I think it will be 4 weeks on Wednesday. I do hope it is another girl though. I don't think I could handle a boy and I really don't want to but I will take whatever the LORD blesses me with. I am sad at how the guy I have been talking to is going to take the news. I know it is going to hurt him and I don't see a relationship happening with him once I tell him. All I can do is take it all day by day and hopefully everything will work itself out in the end. I do hope that I will be able to stay in school that is the one thing that I want to work out. I am so scared right now. I wanted to wait until I got married to have more kids and now I am in this situation and do not know what is going to happen or what I should do. Why me?

Took a little trip......

This weekend I took a trip up to Chicago to visit and spend time with my boyfriend. He lives in Chicago which is kind of cool because it gives me a reason to come up here but it could cause problems in the long run. Anyway, I came Friday by bus and wanted to make the 5:35pm bus but it was sold out and I could have took the 8:15pm which was the next one but I figured I could just take megabus but had to get my ticket online since they didn't have an actual station so I missed that. I went back to the bus station too late because I was figuring out if I should have taken the 8:15pm bus or stay in town and he was just going to come down here because I did not want to drive. So I sat around in my car waiting to hear what he wanted to do and he waited until it was 8:00pm to tell me to get on the 8:15pm bus so then I had to rush and get back to the bus station which didn't work out because I missed the bus and I think it was sold out so I stayed and waited for the 10:15pm bus. Finally got on the bus which already had a lot of people already on it and headed up to Chicago. The thing that bothered me was that my boyfriend was in a car accident Thursday so I'm wondering how I'm going to get to my hotel. I was able to catch a cab and instead of just taken me where I needed to go, the cab driver is trying to be all in my business then once I got to the hotel he had me give him my number which of course I gave him a fake number.  I'm sure he asks all the women who gets in his cab for their number. So I made it to my room and it was nice to be able to relax. I was planning on spending all of Saturday with my boyfriend but only got to spend 30-40mins with him all together because he had to leave to check on his car. I guess he was able to get his car out but it broke down on him and he had to wait for a ride. Well it is about to be 6:30 in the morning and I still haven't seen him. I leave today and I'll start heading for the bus station by 8. My bus leaves at 9:45. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to get to the bus station, I guess I have to call myself a cab. I don't know if I will get to see him before I leave, I have call him twice already with no answer. So I feel like I pretty much wasted time coming up here and wish I hadn't of if I knew I was going to spend the whole time up here alone. The only good thing about coming was the hotel which I stayed in the whole time but I was able to watch kuwtk since I haven't had the chance of watching it since I don't have cable and I noticed that the Chinese places up here offer more food than they do at home. I saw coconut shrimp on the menu which is what I ordered and I have never seen it on any of the menus back home. I ordered myself some and if was okay but I think the coconut sauce was too sweet. I like the coconut shrimp that the sauce is like a syrup. I am ready to go back home but not ready to go back to my life of school and work.