Getting in the home stretch.....

Well I have about 5-6 weeks before my baby gets here. I can not wait! I am a little disappointed that I'm getting so close and have yet to get anything for my baby. No clothes, bottles, diapers, nothing. I am not prepared at all. This is definately one of the things that suck about going through a pregnancy by yourself. I'm sure if I had a man around we probably would have pretty much everything. I won't be able to start getting stuff until the last couple weeks of my pregnancy. I'll be moving the first weekend in November so I should be able to start getting stuff after that. I'm just so ready for this baby to get here. So I can have my body back and I feel like my life has been put on hold because I'm pregnant. I had to take the semester off from school because there was no way I could have a baby when finals was coming around and I had to stop my job search because there is no point in applying to jobs when I wouldn't be able to start for a couple months. I do plan on going back in January hopefully and once I go on my maternity leave I will continue job hunting again and pray my heart out that I will find something before my leave is up and I am stuck having to go back to the low paying job I am at now and I am not trying to go back. I have been working at the same place doing the same job for 5 years and have nothing to show for it. It is definately time to move on. The number one reason why I am ready to have this baby is to prove to my ex that this is his baby because he still has doubts and I am positive that this is his baby. I just wonder what's going to happen when the truth comes out. He keeps telling me that he still wants a future with me. Which is hard to believe since he is in a relationship with someone else and living with them. It is pretty obvious that we still have feelings for each other after all this time and after all the hell he has put me through. I honestly couldn't see myself with no one but him which is probably one of the reasons why I haven't been dating anyone considering we haven't been together in over a year now. He has been telling me lately that I'm his soulmate and we're going to get married and he is planning on buying a house and wants me to move in with him. It all sounds great but it's all talk right now. My motto is actions speak louder than words. I take anything he says with a grain a salt because his track record is bad. He usually says one thing but his actions do the opposite. I guess he is waiting to see what the verdict is on this baby before he makes any decisions. I know I would love for my kids to have their parents together. Both of us grew up with our parents not together and it would be nice for my kids to grow up with two parents in the home. I hate the way things are now with having to send my daughter off with him every other weekend. If we were together then we wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. I guess I'm just looking for something good to happen. One day I hope everything works out and I will finally get the happiness I deserve.

Can I get out of this nightmare?......

I can't believe its been over a month since my last post. Seems like a lot has happened. Well I have gotten kicked out of my apartment. I still can't believe it. I had trouble getting the money to pay my rent last month so the stinking landlord up and kicked me out. He only gave me less than a week to get out. I think its impossible to pack and find somewhere else to go in less than a week. I did my best and could not find anywhere to go. My credit score keeps biting me in the butt. I can not wait until I can get it up. Everytime I try to get an apartment I always get turned down and I'm sure its because of my score. I'm guessing people with bad credit scores have to be homeless because it seems like no one will give you a chance because of it. I tried everything in my power to get the money to pay my rent. I called around trying to get assistance, tried to take out loans but kept getting denied. Right now I'm staying at my sister's and we're just going to get a 3 bedroom at the apartments she's at. Which is what I should have went along with in the first place but I was determined to have my own place and look what happened got kicked out and the stupid landlord became evil after I couldn't pay my rent. Went back to the apartment yesterday to turn the keys in and to get the splitter from the cable company off the cable cord since I couldn't get it off when I moved. Of course the guy popped up and had some crap to say trying to start stuff. Talking about calling the cops. Mad I didn't clean the apartment up all the way then said he was going to garnish my paycheck because of it. I don't know if the guy realizes I'm pregnant or not but I had to pack and move out that apartment by myself with little help and by the time I got everything out of there it was 10:30 at night I had been going all day with very little rest and I don't know what more he could want I did pay a security deposit. I'm just glad I'm out of that apartment it was a blessing. It's so funny how when I first moved in the guy was nice than after I couldn't pay him he became evil. I guess its one of those you live and you learn type of things. I just can't wait until I can get a better paying job so I don't have to keep struggling and going through stuff like this.