Shooting Your Shot...

 Is it possible to shoot your shot at someone you do not know? There is this guy that I find very interesting but of course he doesn't know I exist. I wish I knew how to put myself out there for him to at least know I exist. I sent a dm to him on Instagram but no reply back. It seems like every guy I am interested in is never interested in me the way I am to them. Mr. Right has to come along one day right? Optimism is hard when you wait years for him and he never shows up. I'm waiting on the day or the year he shows up. I have waited 7 1/2 years what's another 7 1/2 although I did want to have a few more kids before I got too old but the way things are going the dream of having more kids doesn't look like it is going to happen unless I just find a sperm donor. I guess we'll see which one ends up coming first.

End of 2020...

 I have not been on here since the beginning of the year. I can't believe I ave gone the whole year without writing anything. This year has been horrible with Covid. I haven't been to my part time job since March and i actually miss it. I miss the excitement of a lot of people around. I still do not know when things will go back to normal. I am ready for it to. I feel like I can't do anything. One of the main things that I wish I could do is volunteer. I haven't had the chance to do it this year because of Covid and hopefully once this thing is finally over I can start again. Another thing I am looking forward to is going to church. I do not know how long it has been since I have been and I have been watching the live streams every Sunday and Wednesday and I can't wait until I can physically be there and become active. 

The fall semester is over and I am glad it is over. Out of the four classes I have taken, I have to retake one which is statistics. I am not a math person. I am taking the spring semester off and will continue either in the summer or fall. I am almost done. I only have a few classes left until I can graduate and I can not wait. It has been a long time I have been in school forever and it will feel great to finally finish something. For now, I am working on getting certifications. My plan is to get 5 certifications by the end of next year. 

I just had a job interview the other day for a night job. The interview wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be because I always get nervous. I feel like I never know what to say or I feel like I answer questions wrong but we'll see if I get the job. I would be shocked if I do but it will be nice to have the extra income. The only thing is its a night job and if I get it I hope I will have some support when I need to work. 

It is the end of the year and I am still SINGLE. I have been single for almost 7 1/2 years and I realize that every New Year i hope that it will be my year to finally find love and then the end of the year comes and I am still single like I was at the beginning of the year. Why does finding love have to be so hard? I can't believe I have been single this long. Maybe 2021 will be my year to finally find love but I wouldn't hold my breath since I have been saying it for years and every year I am still single. I honestly feel like I am losing hope on finding love and the man of my dreams. I'm sure it will happen one day but it is taking a long time. Who knows maybe there isn't a loving, sweet, honest, caring, funny man out there for me and that's why he hasn't came into my life. I feel like I just need to get use to being alone which I obviously am use to it. Maybe I am better off alone because if I were to ever get in a relationship I do not think I would even know what to do. I am so out of touch when it comes to dating and relationships I would be scared that I would ruin it.

First post of the year...

This is my first post of the year. It will officially be March tomorrow. So far this year I have been enjoying taking this semester off from school. It just amazes me how much free time I have when school isn't involved because between work and school I never have time to do anything. I am out of school until the summer. I will be back in May so I have at least two and a half months to enjoy. Once I go back then all my free time will be over for the next year. I will miss it but if I can get through the next school year then I should be graduating in the Spring. I can't believe how close to graduation I am. I'm scared I'm going to screw up somewhere and end up having to take a class over and then I won't be graduating in the Spring. I just hope this time off helps me to be able to focus once I start back. I just want to officially finish and be done.

I kind of feel like it is time for me to find another job. I have been doing my job for almost 4 years and I feel like its time to find something else to learn. Plus my job isn't the same anymore. Its amazing how so much can change in less than a year. We have lost so many employees I feel like I will be the next one. I have applied to three jobs in my company and if I am offered one of them then I will probably take it. I like my job but I feel like it is time to move on. I just hope they can find someone to replace me since I'm the only one who does my job. Who knows what will happen but we'll see if I'm even still working there come the end of this year.