Mission for Love...

Tomorrow is Halloween!! I can't believe there is only two months of the year left. It seems like this year has gone by fast. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my year to find love. There is still two months left so there may be hope but I don't think it will happen. I am still on a mission to find love. It is still hard to believe that I have been single going on 5 and a half years now. I never realized that I would be single this long but the years have came and gone. It still amazes me that I would have never imagined that finding love would be this hard. I always wonder about is there something wrong with me and what is it that has made me single for so long. I feel like I will never find the guy that was meant for me. Every time I meet a guy I feel like all he does is waste my time and I build false hope in my mind that this could possibly be the man for me until I wake up and realize I am wrong. Then I am back to square one again. It makes me sad and depressed because I feel like I deserve someone to love who will love me back just as much. I really can't believe how hard that is to achieve. I would love to get married one day but I can't even imagine myself getting married if that makes sense. It's hard to think of myself being married when I can't even get a man in my life, to actually call someone my boyfriend, I can't get anyone to ask me out on a date, and can barely even get a text back from a guy. My love life is very pathetic. I don't even know what to do. It really makes me sad. Nobody wants to grow old alone. I know I certainly don't want to. I'm ready to have joy and happiness in my heart which I get from my kids but its a piece missing that only the love of my life can fill. I feel like a lost cause. It just doesn't seem like love will happen for me. Is it that the loving ones end up alone? I know that I want more kids but I don't want to have anymore until I can find the love of my life and the man I am suppose to be with. It would be nice to be able to plan dates and birthday surprises and just have someone I can call my own and be clingy with and someone I can see and talk to all the time and not just once or twice a month. To be able to think to myself that I have someone in my life that I would hope isn't wasting my time would be a great feeling. Its just a sad and lonely process and I will be so thankful when it is finally over. It has really been a long time. I'm just ready to find love.

Trying makeup...

I am trying to teach myself how to put on makeup. I feel so late that it seems like something you should know how to do as a teenager but I was never taught how to put it on and to know what to buy. The one thing that was hard for me to figure out is the foundation and concealer. Its hard to know which shade is the right one. The only makeup that I know how to put on is mascara and eye shadow. I'm trying to watch Youtube videos to learn and I have tried a couple of times and it just doesn't look right. The girls in the videos makeup look natural and I'm trying to get to where it doesn't look like I don't have makeup on and right now it is looking like I put too much on. I'm going to keep trying until I can get as good as the girls in the videos. Hopefully it won't take forever to master.

Starting off good...

Well I completed my first round of the 28 day challenge and I think I did okay for my first go around. I did all of my exercises everyday that I was suppose to do until last Tuesday. I got out of it dealing with taking a test that took an hour to even get started and Wednesday and Thursday I didn't get home until after 8 because of activities at the kids schools so I was too tired and just wanted to relax. Friday I was just lazy and Saturday was suppose to be a rest day. Yesterday I did half of the exercises but in the end I lost a total of 11 pounds. So my goal for this 28 days is to lose more than 11. I'm trying to go for 15. The main thing I need to make sure I am doing is eating as healthy as I can. The one food I am addicted to is crab rangoon and I had a hard time leaving it alone so this time around I plan on eating it one time in the 28 days. I want to me able to eat salad the majority of the week. Anything I can do to lose this weight I am ready to do. I am definitely proud of myself for losing as much as did and can't wait to continue on this journey.