What is wrong with me...

I feel like there is something wrong with me when it comes to me liking someone. When I like someone I feel like I am all in to that person. That's why I feel like I couldn't date multiple guys at once. There is this guy that I like and he seems like a great guy. I have known him for months but things between us have literally gone no where. We have hung out at each others places but have never gone out on a date or anything. I am not trying to jump in a relationship with this guy I just want to be his friend, get to know him, and go out every now and again but it seems like he has been fighting me the whole time when it comes to me getting to know him or him getting to know me and going out. I have hinted at it a few times but haven't got anywhere. I text him but my texts go unanswered like he is ignoring me and I hate trying to communicate with someone and get nothing back. Its like I am talking to myself and I am starting to realize that if I can't get your attention then I am not meant to have it. I have been trying to find other guys to talk to between Tinder and Plenty of Fish so I can get my mind off of this guy and so far I am not having much luck. It has been hard finding guys that I am interested in. No one jumps out at me and makes me feel like I have to talk to that person. So then I get teary eyed because I just want to be somebody to this man and I don't think that will happen. I know I need to leave him alone but it seems hard to let go of someone you like especially when there is no one else to take my attention away from him. Why can I not stop thinking about this guy? He is always on my mind and it sucks. I want to stop thinking about him but it is hard not to. I hate feeling this way. Like I am a little heartbroken but its not like we are anything to each other so I can't feel too bad. I just wish I could for once have the man that I am interested in and that he can be just as interested in me. I feel like I always get looked over like I am not good enough. There has got to be someone out there I am good enough for or who thinks I am good enough for them but it seems like I will never find him. I feel like I'm trying to win the lottery-unwinnable. I want to be a winner for once I am sick of being and feeling like a loser all the time. When will it be my time to win?

Mission for Love...

Tomorrow is Halloween!! I can't believe there is only two months of the year left. It seems like this year has gone by fast. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my year to find love. There is still two months left so there may be hope but I don't think it will happen. I am still on a mission to find love. It is still hard to believe that I have been single going on 5 and a half years now. I never realized that I would be single this long but the years have came and gone. It still amazes me that I would have never imagined that finding love would be this hard. I always wonder about is there something wrong with me and what is it that has made me single for so long. I feel like I will never find the guy that was meant for me. Every time I meet a guy I feel like all he does is waste my time and I build false hope in my mind that this could possibly be the man for me until I wake up and realize I am wrong. Then I am back to square one again. It makes me sad and depressed because I feel like I deserve someone to love who will love me back just as much. I really can't believe how hard that is to achieve. I would love to get married one day but I can't even imagine myself getting married if that makes sense. It's hard to think of myself being married when I can't even get a man in my life, to actually call someone my boyfriend, I can't get anyone to ask me out on a date, and can barely even get a text back from a guy. My love life is very pathetic. I don't even know what to do. It really makes me sad. Nobody wants to grow old alone. I know I certainly don't want to. I'm ready to have joy and happiness in my heart which I get from my kids but its a piece missing that only the love of my life can fill. I feel like a lost cause. It just doesn't seem like love will happen for me. Is it that the loving ones end up alone? I know that I want more kids but I don't want to have anymore until I can find the love of my life and the man I am suppose to be with. It would be nice to be able to plan dates and birthday surprises and just have someone I can call my own and be clingy with and someone I can see and talk to all the time and not just once or twice a month. To be able to think to myself that I have someone in my life that I would hope isn't wasting my time would be a great feeling. Its just a sad and lonely process and I will be so thankful when it is finally over. It has really been a long time. I'm just ready to find love.

Trying makeup...

I am trying to teach myself how to put on makeup. I feel so late that it seems like something you should know how to do as a teenager but I was never taught how to put it on and to know what to buy. The one thing that was hard for me to figure out is the foundation and concealer. Its hard to know which shade is the right one. The only makeup that I know how to put on is mascara and eye shadow. I'm trying to watch Youtube videos to learn and I have tried a couple of times and it just doesn't look right. The girls in the videos makeup look natural and I'm trying to get to where it doesn't look like I don't have makeup on and right now it is looking like I put too much on. I'm going to keep trying until I can get as good as the girls in the videos. Hopefully it won't take forever to master.

Starting off good...

Well I completed my first round of the 28 day challenge and I think I did okay for my first go around. I did all of my exercises everyday that I was suppose to do until last Tuesday. I got out of it dealing with taking a test that took an hour to even get started and Wednesday and Thursday I didn't get home until after 8 because of activities at the kids schools so I was too tired and just wanted to relax. Friday I was just lazy and Saturday was suppose to be a rest day. Yesterday I did half of the exercises but in the end I lost a total of 11 pounds. So my goal for this 28 days is to lose more than 11. I'm trying to go for 15. The main thing I need to make sure I am doing is eating as healthy as I can. The one food I am addicted to is crab rangoon and I had a hard time leaving it alone so this time around I plan on eating it one time in the 28 days. I want to me able to eat salad the majority of the week. Anything I can do to lose this weight I am ready to do. I am definitely proud of myself for losing as much as did and can't wait to continue on this journey.

Goals for the next year...

It's hard to believe that this year is almost over. It is only 3 and a half months left of the year and I was thinking about the goals I want to have accomplished by this time next year. One thing I want to accomplish is losing weight. I have started a workout plan called RI28 and so far I have been on it for four days. RI28 stands for Results in 28 days so I am trying to see how much weight I can lose in 28 days. I have 24 more days to go and I have been doing good except today I went off my diet and ate a burrito and a little chocolate cake which I wish I hadn't of gotten because it wasn't all that good. I will be getting my workout in tonight which have been fairly easy except you have to do them four times but the point is to lose weight so I won't complain too much. Besides the burrito and cake I have been doing good eating wise. I have only been eating fruit and a salad. I am trying to see how much I can lose in the next two months so we'll see how good I do by the beginning of November and then we'll go from there. The next goal is I want to get my CCS. The CCS is Certified Coding Specialist and once I get that I want to get a coding job which will hopefully lead to more money and the chance to work from home. I have bought the exam prep book so when I have free time I can look at it as well as Youtube videos for tips. I am going to study the rest of this year so hopefully by the beginning of next year between January and March I can sit for the exam and if I pass I can start applying for jobs and I hope to get one by Summer. Another goal is by this time next year I should be in my last Fall semester of school and it has definitely been a long journey. I just have to make it through this semester and the Spring and then I will officially have two semesters left before graduation. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough to be in school. I feel like I have a hard time keeping up and I think apart of that has to do with working a full time job. I wish there was a way I could take school related time off of work to have more time to study and get work done without having to use time. I hope I'll will be able to complete my goals for the year. We'll see what happens...

School stress...

The fall semester is underway. I'm in week 3 and so far things are going good. Its hard to believe I am in my last 4 semesters. After this semester it will be 3. I can't wait until that last semester and then I will finally graduate. It has definitely been a long time coming. I can't help but stress and freak out about how I am going to take the math classes I need to take. Like I mentioned in my last post, I am trying to find a job where I can hopefully get off early enough to be able to take the classes in the afternoon. I am not trying to take an evening or a weekend class so that way I won't have to burden anyone with keeping my kids. I just keep thinking what if I do not find something in time before next semester which is when I need to take the first math class. If I could find a 5 am to 1 pm job I would be happy. It just sucks when you are looking and can't find anything in the time area you're looking for. I just hope something is out there for me but all I can do is keep looking until something comes along. I only have three months to find something and it makes me nervous that I won't find anything in time. I'm sure the three months will fly by quick I just hope something happens but the hard part is when looking for jobs most don't tell the hours and it sucks to apply to a job blind when you don't know all of the details. I'm trying not to stress out but it is hard not to. I just hope things work out for me in the end. That's all I can do.

Cancer scare...

I had a cancer scare. You wouldn't think at the age of 31 I would be thinking about cancer. Although, it isn't a specific age disease. It started with me having my annual check up with my gynecologist and I guess she felt something after she felt my neck. So I had to go and have an ultrasound done on my thyroid. Then I had to go to an appointment at an Ear, Nose, and Throat facility. The ultrasound showed that I had a nodule that measured at 1.7 cm and they suggest you to have a biopsy on anything over 1.5 cm. So I had to have a biopsy to see if it was cancer or benign. They say majority of the time it is benign. I went in to have my biopsy which was so annoying because my appointment was at 1 but I was sitting around for an hour and a half before I finally got to go back. They had to numb the area and it burned which was the hardest part of it. Then I think she had stuck 5 needles in to get a sample of the nodule. After it was done, it was sore for awhile the first day it was uncomfortable but after it started feeling better. After a couple of days, I received the results and it was benign. I still have a followup appointment to go to but as far as I know I am fine.

Hard hunting...

Why is it so hard for me to find jobs to apply to? I am looking for jobs to apply to everyday but can not seem to find anything. If I could, I would like to find something that would work around my school schedule. I would need to find something before the spring semester starts because I have math classes that I need to take and the only time I can take them is the spring and next fall semesters. I am in my last four semesters and I don't want to have to worry about taking a math class in my last semester before I graduate so the next two semesters are the only chances I have to take these math classes and I am trying to take them in the afternoon so I don't have to change anything in my kids schedule and have to find someone to keep them while I take the classes. I hope something will come along soon. I had applied to a job where I would have been able to get off at 12:30 on Tuesdays and Thursday but I never heard back about it. It really depressed me because I really wanted and needed that job and who knows if another job like that will ever come back around. It is hard to find a job with those kind of hours which is what I need to be able to take these classes. It is so frustrating trying to find a job especially one with hours that will work around school. If I could I wish I could work part time. Besides looking for a full time job, I am looking for some work from home jobs as well. I need the extra income so that I can start saving up for a house that I can get hopefully by the end of next year and to pay for all the classes I am signing my kids up to do. Hopefully, I can find the job that I am looking for by the beginning of December. That gives me 3 months to find something and I am not really hopeful because I feel like I have been applying and looking for jobs for months now with no luck at all. I try to think positive but it is not easy.

Still pathetic...

My life is still looking pathetic. I actually had a free night to myself and no one to spend it with. When is this loneliness ever going to end? It's really getting old. Times like this really shows you how friendless you are. I will be happy when I actually have a friend who will be there for me when I need it. It just makes me feel bad that I can't find that one person to be there when I need them.

Why is finding love so hard?...

I never realized that finding love would be so hard. Once I had officially hit the 5 year mark of singleness it occurred to me that its hard to find. I know there has to be someone out of these millions of people in the world for me but it doesn't seem like it. Its not like I am looking for an instant boyfriend. I just want a friend who wants to spend time with me, talk and get to know me, have fun, and go out on dates. Then in a few months I would hope that would turn into a relationship, then love, and then possibly marriage and a happy life building our family and growing old together. I hate that I want what I want when it feels like I will never get it. When you are single it feels like everyone is in a relationship with someone but you. I just hate the feeling of loneliness and feeling like I'm going to be alone forever. I know I'm not that old but I'm not getting any younger either. My goal is to be able to have at least two more kids before I turn 40 so I still have time but I don't want to be close to 40 when it happens. Why can't life go the way you imagine and dream it to be? If I had it my way, I would be in a relationship and having fun going on dates and staying in watching tv and movies, enjoying every second I have with my love, waiting on a surprise proposal. Not sure if I want to have a wedding but I would want to wait at least 6 months to a year after marriage to start having kids because I want to enjoy time with my husband before more babies are brought into the picture. We'll have a nice sized house in a nice community where we can enjoy our summers and take care of our family. All I really want is someone to love who will equally love me the same. I don't know why that is hard but 50 percent of me wants to give up and the other 50 tells me to keep holding on hope so its definitely a tug of war feeling that will hopefully be over one day.

Job searching...

I am trying to decide if I am planning on leaving my job. The woman I have been working with left on disability so I have been working by myself for the past 3 weeks. So now I am officially working by myself because they do not plan on hiring someone to take her spot and I am pretty sure she doesn't plan on coming back because she was already talking about leaving and retiring anyway. Honestly, I don't see why they don't get rid of me and eliminate my position all together because I know at other facilities they have techs who do my job so I really don't think I am needed. One good thing is that they are letting me work 40 hours now instead of the 36 I have been working. Which was one of the reasons I was looking for another job anyway. Right now, I don't think I am too much in a rush to leave but I will still be applying for jobs if I find something that I want to apply to. If I do get another job, I don't know what they will do with my position but I guess they will worry about that when the time comes. I am also trying to see if I can get me a part time job somewhere. I really want to start saving up to get a house or a condo so hopefully I will be able to find something. I just need something that I can do on the weekends and a couple of days during the week. So far I haven't had much luck finding anything but I am going to keep on looking. Between full time and part time I might be searching for awhile. It seems like jobs are just like men, it is hard to find a good one.

My pathetic life...

I feel like my life is so pathetic. After yesterday's loneliness fiasco, it just proved to me how lonely I really am. It really makes me cry and depressed how I can say I don't have a life. I have no one in my life that I can really talk to or go out with or spend time with. It just really sucks. I wish I knew how I could change my life. I have no clue of what to even do. I have tried to date but it is hard to date with kids and having to find someone to keep them and plus the men that I have met have so far proven to be no good. Why is it so hard to find a decent guy? So far the guys I have met are commitment phobes who are scared to start a relationship or they are very flakey and don't answer your texts when you send them one. If it is one thing I hate is when I am trying to text someone and they don't text you back in a reasonable amount of time. If hours pass and I haven't heard from you, I know you are ignoring my texts because I am sure you keep your phone close and you got the message. I just pray that a decent guy will finally come around one day. I just want someone I can get to know, spend time with and go out on dates every once and awhile. I'm so over being alone. I want it to be over soon. All I can do is pray that someone will come around because I feel like I have tried to change my situation on my own but I always end up meeting the wrong guys for some reason. You wouldn't think it would be this hard to find a decent man but it has been 5 long years. I am hoping that by this time next year someone will come in my life and not make it 6 years alone. Where are all the genuine men who are looking for love and want something real with someone? I am in my 30s now and I just want to find a man that I can marry and have a couple more kids with before I get even older. I try to stay hopeful but it is hard when the wrong men keep coming around. When will the right man come along? I hope it will be sooner rather than later since I have already been waiting 5 long years. This waiting is killing me I just want to be happy. I just want someone who I can miss, and think about all the time, and call my own. Is it wrong to want to be happy? I just don't want to be sitting around looking pathetic forever. I wish I knew of other people in my shoes so I know I am not the only person feeling like a loser all the time.

Boring life...

My life totally sucks!!! I actually had a rare kid free day today and had no one to spend it with. I really need some friends or a boyfriend. I have been by myself since 2:30 and it is now 8 and I have not left the house. Why is my life this way? When am I ever going to get a life and have someone to spend it with when I actually have the free time? It really makes me cry because I want to be able to go out and do things every now and again when I get the chance and I finally got the chance and no one to do anything with so I'm stuck in the house looking crazy. Can I please get a man in my life so I will have someone to go out with? The lonely life really sucks and it is not fun at all. I am so over being single. I just want a decent man to come into my life who is all about me and wants to spend all of his free time with me. Five long years of singleness is starting to hit me hard. I do pretty good most days but when days like this come around it makes you realize how lonely you really are and how nice it would be to have someone there for you when you need them. I hope someone will come along soon. I am not getting any younger and I just want someone who I can share my life with. Is that so wrong?

Boredom always strikes on a Saturday night...

I am so bored I do not know what to do with myself. I am stuck doing school work but my mind always goes off somewhere else and I can't focus. I wish I had someone to talk to. This is where having a boyfriend would come in handy. I always feel like I never have anyone to talk to especially on boring nights like this. I'm so bored I just joined two new dating sites so I could possibly find someone to talk to but I feel like I done lost interest quick because all I want to do is talk to the guy that I am currently interested in and I don't know if I should bother him since he is out of town. He could be out having fun and he hasn't tried to contact me anyway since he's been gone so I doubt he is even thinking about me. I would hate to text him and not get a responds back considering I text him twice yesterday and never heard back. I just hate these boring nights it makes me just want to call it a night and go to bed. I can't wait the day I can have a boyfriend so my weekends won't be so boring. At least I'll have someone to talk to, hang out with, and go out with. I hate not having that person I could do those things with. I'm just sick of being bored all of the time. It sucks to not have a fun and interesting life. I hope that it will change one of these days soon.

Are things going to work out this time...

So a couple of weeks ago I was on Tinder scrolling through looking for guys to match with and I found a guy who seemed interesting. Luckily we ended up matching and of course I did my research to find out about him. He is a nice and tall man. The tallest guy I have ever talked to. I was so interested in him that I sent him a message on Tinder first. Normally I wait for the guy to say something to me first but for the first time I felt like I didn't want to wait and I wanted to say something but unfortunately he never replied back so I waited a couple of days and sent him a message again to see if he would respond because if he didn't I was going to move on. He responded and said he was going out to California for Memorial Day weekend so I didn't want to bother him while he was out of town so I left him alone and waited for him to get back in town before I said something to him. Luckily on Tinder it tells you how many miles someone is so I knew when he was back in town. That evening I wrote to him and he wrote me back and we chatted for awhile and it went from there. I got to meet him over the weekend and he is a really cool guy. We have hung out a few more times over the past week and I like this guy. I just hope I am not jumping the gun because I feel like that is one of my biggest flaws is that I become interested in a guy quick even when I do not know him very well. It just seems like there is something different about this guy although that may sound stupid since it seems like all guys end up being the same. All I know is that he is well educated and has a powerful job. I have seen videos of him online and it leaves me in awe because I can't believe that this is the guy that I am hanging out with. The guy I know doesn't seem like the same guy in the videos. He is very professional and a great speaker. It just seems like a totally different guy. Like this weekend he had to go out of town to give a speech at a graduation type ceremony. We have only been able to hang out in the house since with kids its hard to get out sometimes but I am hoping that sometime soon we will be able to go out on a first date and the best thing is since we have already hung out a few times already it won't be awkward. I don't want to jump the gun or anything especially considering how things with the last guy turned out but I hope things work out with him. We are only in the beginning stages of whatever we are or will become so we'll see as time goes but I really hope that we could possibly get to the point of being girlfriend and boyfriend. I would definitely be proud to have a man like him in my life. I pray that I will be lucky and blessed enough to have this amazing man in my life.

One of those times...

I was just thinking this is one of those times where I wish I had a boyfriend right now. I was thinking about taking a trip this summer to Cincinnati for the Cincinnati Music Fest. I would have went to the Friday and Saturday show. Leave Friday morning and find something to do that day before getting ready for the show then on Saturday go to King's Island until it was time to get ready for the show and I would go home Sunday. So I might miss out on a fun weekend trip since I am manless. Unless I can find a friend who wants to go with me but I wish I didn't have to think of someone to go with. If only I had a boyfriend I could go ahead and plan the trip. When am I ever going to get a boyfriend? The lonely life sucks especially when I could be getting out the house and having some fun. Its very rare that I get to go out and do something fun and this would be the perfect getaway. I'm just sick and tired of being by myself all the time. There has got to be someone out there for me somewhere. This waiting is killing me. I have been waiting for 5 years can the wait please be over soon. I was honestly thinking if I wanted to date again but I don't know if I should date more than one person at a time or date only one person. I feel like the last time I dated one person it didn't end with us in a relationship which I figured is the point in dating so maybe I should date more than one person at a time but if I did that then eventually I would have to choose who I would want to be with and I don't want to lead anyone on considering that's what happened to me and we see how that turned out. So I think it would be a good idea to date one person even though it backfired on me the last time. If I can find me someone to date I would be good to go. So far I haven't really found anyone interesting to date. I have been on both Tinder and POF and so far I haven't had any luck. Tinder is hard to find decent guys. It may be a handful of guys that I found interesting on there but no one I can go on a date with. I haven't found anyone on POF worth my time considering when I first joined the site a year ago there was plenty of interesting guys now not so much. I'm not going to give up because like I said there has to be a guy out there for me somewhere. I will be happy when that day comes because I feel like I am a happy person but I feel like there is a piece of me missing and that is a man to share my life with. Once I finally have that then I will feel complete.

I think I am done dating...

I really think I am officially done dating for awhile. From the looks of it the guy I was interested in may be in a relationship and it sucks. Of course, I had to snoop on her Facebook page and its a pic of them together. It pisses me off because how many dates did we go on and I never got a picture of us together. It just really hurts my heart and makes me want to cry that I can't be with the man that I have been wanting for a year. I can't believe I wasted a year on this guy for me to end up with my heart hurt and in that year it literally got me no where with him. It makes me feel like a fool, a dummy. I'm still asking myself why did this have to happen to me? All I can do is sit here and try to keep the tears from falling. I really, really, really liked this guy. I could see myself being with him. I thought we always had fun when we were together. I just hate that I wasn't good enough for him because he was definitely good enough for me. He was everything I could have ever asked for in a man. I just think to myself that maybe it won't last long, maybe it's just a summer fling, and maybe I still have a chance one day. Trying to make myself feel better but I still feel like crap. I just hope it doesn't last a long time. That's all I need is to be crying over a guy who was never really mine but I wish he was. All I can do is move on and try to keep my mind off of him which probably won't be easy but I do know that I am officially done dating for the time being. I do not want to end up in this position again. Feeling like a complete fool. I hope this feeling goes away soon but I don't think it will...

So annoyed...

I am still annoyed about the guy. I feel like I wasted a whole year to get no where. It's not like we only went on a couple of dates. We went on numerous dates and hung out numerous times. I really thought that it would have went somewhere. It pisses me off that I feel like I wasted a year on this guy. It's not like I am getting any younger. I am 31 years old. I would like to be in relationship with someone. Why does it seem like a hard thing to do? I have been single for going on 5 years and I am sick of it. I would like to have someone to go out with. Give me a reason to get out the house because I never have one. I feel like I don't have time to waste on guys who just waste my time. I would like to get married one day and have a few more kids. I find myself looking around on Tinder and Plenty of Fish to see if I can find any decent guys to talk to but I think I am just trying to find another guy like him but I do not think that is going to happen. He was literally everything I could have ever wanted in a man and now it seems like my chance with him is over at least for now. Who knows if this thing with this other girl is going to work out. It's not like they are exactly official or anything and it could be over in a couple of weeks or by the end of Summer. I can only hope. Then I might have another chance. Only GOD knows and I am praying for HIM to put a decent good guy in my life one of these days. It just sucks having to wait. Who knows when the wait will ever be over since its already been 5 years. I just really hope that I won't have to end another year single. I really would like to be in a relationship by the end of this year. All I can do is wait to see if that will happen but like I said before waiting sucks.

Life sucks once again...

So today it is looking like the guy that I have been interested in for a year is interested in someone else. He is writing on facebook about being interested in someone and I know it isn't me. I feel like I wasted a year and it pisses me off. I really like this guy and I was hoping that the feeling would be mutual. I thought that if we spent enough time together that it would eventually lead to a relationship. I tried my best. Anytime that I would have a free night to myself or had a chance to go out I always asked him. I guess the whole spending time with someone to lead to a relationship thing is false. I pretty much knew he wasn't into me the way I was into him. Every time we did go out it was from me asking, he never asks me if we can go out and we never hang out. I have always waited to hear, "Hey, if you're not doing anything can I come over and hang out?" but that never happened. It just really sucks because I honestly feel like every guy that I am interested in they are never interested in me. This is the fourth instance that I can think of this happening to me. It always makes me wonder, "What's wrong with me?" and "Why am I never good enough?" I always feel like I am always last choice. When will it ever be my turn to be happy? When am I ever going to find someone who is interested in me as much as I am interested in them? It makes me want to cry. Why can I never have the guy that I am interested in? It's times like this that really make you feel lonely. I just wish I knew when the loneliness will finally be over.

Spring 2018 is officially over...

The Spring semester is officially over!!! I made it through all of my classes. I got an A-, B+, B and a C. I'm just glad I do not have to retake anything. Now it is time for Summer classes and I am nervous. I'm taking two and one is a retake and its the third time I am taking it. I just hope I can finally be done with this class once and for all. I am scared that I won't be able to keep up. It is only 6 weeks and I am sure their will be a lot of work due at once so I hope I can keep up. I'll be so happy when I am officially done. I feel like I have too high expectations on finishing school. I want to be able to get a minor and a certificate so that would mean adding on extra classes. The problems is being able to take some of them. Half of them are online while the other half is on campus and its not like I have a lot of time to go on campus. I'm trying my best to figure out how I would be able to take the classes. Can I find someone to keep my kids late so I can go to class after work? Can I some how rearrange my work schedule so that I can take a class without losing any time? I hope I will be able to figure it out when the time comes but this would be a good time to win the lottery. That way, I can quit working or work part time so that I will have time to take classes on campus when I need to. I just hope it all works out in the end.

Braceface...

I got my braces a little over a month ago and I am still getting use to them a little. When I first got them my teeth really hurt for a week. It was really hard to eat anything that was hard or chewy because it was painful. All I could eat was soft foods. I get a little pain here and there from different teeth but it not bad now. I had to get use to eating with them because food gets stuck in them so I always have to make sure I clean my teeth after if I am out. If I am at home I don't care if I have food in my mouth. I bought a water-pick and it saves a lot of time cleaning my mouth then it does regular flossing. The hard part would be the wire because it sticks the inside of my mouth. There is wax to put on the uncomfortable parts. When I first started using the wax it was horrible because I would leave it in my mouth then when I was ready to brush my teeth the wax would be all in my mouth. I just wondered what's the point of using the wax when you brush your teeth and it comes out and then you will have to put more in. One time I was running my tongue around my mouth while I was eating and got my tongue stuck. It was hard to get it loose. Surprisingly there wasn't much blood. I do see some of my teeth starting to straighten out but I am ready for this process to be over and get these brackets and wires out. I don't think that will happen until next year but I can not wait to have my teeth look normal and have more confidence when I smile.

End of the semester...

It is finally the end of the semester. I love when the end of the semester comes around because if I do well in my classes then its one less semester away from graduation. That is what I am looking forward to is finally graduating. I have three more semesters to go not including the Summers which I will be taking classes for the next two Summers so if I include them then its five more semesters. I think I did pretty good this semester. So far I have a 2 B+, an A, and a C-. I just need to get the C- up to a C to pass the class. Hopefully I can do it. I'm taking the final for the class tonight so we'll see what happens. Then I will have two more finals to do and I'm not looking forward to them because the teacher doesn't give a lot of time to complete the tests. One of them is 50 minutes for 75 questions and the other is an hour for 100 questions so I hope I can do decent on them and then we will see what my final grades turn out to be.

Today, I officially started my cleanses. I am doing a green smoothie cleanse and a full body cleanse for the next 10 days and I hope I can make it through. I can't eat anything but raw fruits and vegetables. I am already wanting something real to eat like a burrito and its only the first day. I am trying to stay strong all I have to do is make it to next Saturday. I think the first few days is going to be the hardest just getting use to it but if I can make it to next Monday or Tuesday then I should be use to it and can make it to Saturday. Once its over I am going to get me some real food like a burrito or some chinese food or something. Then I am going to start drinking meal replacement shakes twice a day so for breakfast and dinner and I will eat whatever for lunch but try to keep it as healthy as I can like a salad, yogurt, fruit, and eggs. My goal is to get under 200 pounds. So my first goal is to get to at least 199 then I want to weigh between 170 and 180. So we will see how much I can lose by the beginning of July and then we'll see where I am by the end of this year. I'm trying to cut down on the junk food and maybe go down to once or twice a month. Day one is almost over I just hope I can make it through the whole 10 days.

Two and a half months in...

It is the middle of March and I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything so this is my first post of the year. So this semester is actually going well. I can't believe how different this semester is compared to last semester. We are on Spring break this week but next week we will be in week 11 so there will be only 6 weeks left not including finals week. I am ready to get through this semester so I can move on to the next. I should be officially done with school by the end of next year if I don't have any more problems these last few semesters. I only have three more semesters to go not including the summer semesters and I can't wait. I am still manless unfortunately. Spent Valentine's Day alone which I am use to by now. The guy that I have been going on dates with and hanging out with doesn't seem all that interested in being with me. I have known him for almost a year and it just makes me wonder why we haven't gotten together after all this time. How long do you date someone before you make it official and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend? We have been dating 9 1/2 months and I am basically still in the friend zone. I think I have officially given up on this guy. I don't even bug him as much as I use to because I'm starting to feel like what's the point. I still hope something happens between us. Maybe something will happen this summer, if not, then I will have officially been single for 5 years by July. I am still confused about if I want to go back to job hunting. I don't want to leave my job because I like my job but it's a part of me that feels like I should try and gain some experience doing something else before I graduate. I am really conflicted on what to do. Should I apply to jobs or should I forget about it? It's amazing how last year I was trying my best to get out of my job and find something else and now I am pretty content with my job. It doesn't get on my nerves as much as it was last year which is a good thing. In less than two weeks, I will officially be getting some braces. I can not wait. I have been waiting since last year and I can finally get it done. I decided to get ceramic braces because I wanted to have braces and not the Invisalign but I didn't want metal braces. I want the braces that have the clear brackets. My birthday is coming up in a week and a half and I will officially be 31. I still can't believe I am in my 30s and I still don't have a man to share my life with. I would love to get married one day but I can not find a man who wants to be with me. It sucks but hopefully things will turn around before this year is over. I finally made a plan on how I am going to lose weight. It took awhile but I finally have a plan in place. I found some exercise videos on Youtube that I am interested in doing and I am going to do a 10 day green smoothie cleanse. Once I am done with the cleanse, I am going to start drinking meal replacement shakes. I seen them advertised on Facebook today and it is a lot of people who are actually leaving good reviews and are losing weight from them so starting in April I will start my weight loss journey. I will try to record my progress on here and talk about how I am feeling as I go through the 10 day green smoothie cleanse. That is pretty much all I have been going through the past two and a half months. Until next time...