Too much for one person to deal.......

I am in a bad place in my life right now. I keep asking myself why do bad things always happen to good people? I get treated like trash and I don't understand why. It all started Friday when my ex and daughter's father came to spend time with me on my day off like we did every now and again. We enjoyed each others company as always and went out to eat before he had to go to work. He was telling me that he talked to a guy at his job and was telling him that he screwed up meaning leaving me and getting involved with this other woman. I even gave him a little money to help him get his car fixed. Well Saturday morning, he's blowing my phone up calling and texting trying to come over telling me that he broke up with his girlfriend. My thoughts are finally now we can work on getting things right with us again. So, he stays with me and everything seemed to be going well. It was like how things use to be and he kept telling me that he was happy he was with me and it felt right like nothing changed. I kept asking him if he was sure he wanted to be there and he would ask me the same. We both said yes. The last time I saw him was Thursday and we had went out to lunch after I got off work and before he went. After he got off, he calls me to tell me that he was going to stay at his dad's house that night because something was wrong with his dad's girlfriend. Later that day, I am at work and he texts me good morning then says we need to talk. He says he talked to his dad and that he was going to start staying at his dad's and wasn't going to be with anybody and was just going to work on himself. I'm thinking good for you and I was proud of him. Then I didn't hear from him after that. I texted him Sunday to say Happy Father's Day but he never texted me back. I texted him again a couple hours later asking if he was okay. Then I get a text back saying to don't contact him unless its about my daughter or this baby that I am pregnant with and that he is working things out with his girlfriend. Of course, I am completely shocked and confused. I didn't understand what was going on and I'm trying to talk to him. I call him over and over, text him trying to get answers and he wouldn't answer any of my phone calls and would only text me to tell me to stop calling him. How can you go from wanting to be with someone to treating them like dirt so fast? I was literally crying in front of my daughter which I hate that he made me do that. I still tear up thinking about it because she doesn't need to see me crying. Now I am trying to figure out what I am going to do this weekend because I do not feel comfortable with having my daughter go anywhere with him especially if he is going to be around that girl. She doesn't need to be around the mess that he caused. So I am probably going to have to call into work this weekend which I never do to be able to stay home with her because I do not want to have to explain to anybody why I don't want her to be with him right now. I just don't think its fair that I get treated this way. It hurts me so bad that someone I loved after all the crap he has put me through, the pain, the depression, would want to put someone he claims to love back in that place again. I wish he could feel how I feel and go through all the pain and heartache that he has put me through. I hate being here. I hate being sad and depressed all the time. I hate crying everyday. I cry over everything. I don't know if its my hormones or the depression but anytime anybody cries even my daughter it makes me cry. I wish he had never done this. It was only a week but that week caused alot of damage. I wish this whole thing had never happened I was fine before all this happened now I am depressed and in a bad place and don't know how to get out of it. I just pray for some kind of healing to my heart because I don't like being here. This kind of stuff makes you not want to trust guys at all because to go through stuff like this you are more better off alone than to have someone put you through so much pain that you don't know how to get out of.

Worn out......

It's been a while since I have been on here and posted. Just waiting to go into work right now. Since the last time I have been on here, I have finished my first semester of school but I haven't checked my grades because I am sure they are bad. I took on more than I could handle and I have learned my lesson. Now I am trying to redeem myself and do better these next couple of semesters. I am taking one class this summer semester. It's a computer class that I thought I didn't have to take but since I couldn't get a hold of an advisor to find out if I had to take it or not I just went ahead and took it. It is not too bad but the summer is faster than the fall or spring so all my assignments are due within two days of each other. The only difference with this class is I will be learning Microsoft Access. I never did that one before it would be nice to become familiar with it.

On another note, I am officially 14 weeks pregnant today. This pregnancy is moving along and in about 4 weeks I will be able to find out what I am having. I am praying that this is a girl. I feel like I am not a person who wants to have boys I want all girls so hopefully it works out for me. I still haven't told anyone that I am pregnant yet but that will be coming to an end soon since I am getting bigger everyday. I know the hardest part about being pregnant is working.  I am always so tired. I'm on my feet all day walking around for hours and it literally wears me out. I try to sit down as much as I can but I could definitely use some time off because I am tired all the time and have no energy.  I'm sure I'll be like this all the way through so I can't wait until I go on my leave.  As much as I shouldn't, I am still hoping things work out between me and my ex. We talk all the time and he tells me how much he misses me and misses being with me and we still love each other and sad to say we still mess around with each other even though he is with someone else. He asked me one day why when he thought long term he thought of me. The thing that bugs me is he wants to be with me, I know he does he tells me all the time but it is taking him forever to leave this other girl. It's obvious he doesn't want to be with her but for some reason he is taking his time. I feel like a real man would not treat women that way. Tell me he wants to be with me but continue to be with someone else and stay with a woman he doesn't want to be with and instead of breaking it off with her he would rather lie and cheat on her. I really don't care about her but I don't believe someone should be treated like that and I wouldn't want someone to treat me that way. I know the girl is pregnant but that doesn't mean he has to stay with her. He can still be in his kid's life without having anything to do with her. We will just wait and see what happens but I know I'm not going to wait forever for him to do something he should have did a long time ago.