Suicide thoughts.....

Sometimes I feel like I understand what people go through when they have suicidal thoughts. When they feel like their life is just crap and they want to get out of feeling pain and depression. I feel like that now. Where you are sad all the time and want to stop feeling that way. Although I couldn't see myself doing that because I have my daughter to live for and plan on having more children in the future but I can totally understand how it feels to be suicidal.

Ready to get back on my feet....

Right now, I'm going through a tough time in my life. Hopefully, things will get better. Currently I am staying with my grandma which is cool because I can just worry about saving money but I am so ready to have my own space. I applied to go back to school in the Spring. Still waiting to hear about that. I sent in my application and had to send in my transcripts. I requested them from my previous schools but just waiting on the school I am wanting to go to to get them. I am just ready to go to school and get done. The last school I was at I lost my financial aid and missed out on going to school for a year because I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket. I'm just trying to better myself and be able to get a job where I am making some decent money. I also hope that if I get to keep my job since they are about to go through layoffs, that my boss let's me change my job title so that I can start making more money. I would like to stay there so that I can go to school in the afternoons but if I have to I will find me another job. Just ready for things to start getting better for me. I am just not in a good place in my life right now.

Life is all bad....

My life sucks right about now. I am still having issues with my ex. After being broken up for a little over 2 months now it still hurts. The bad part is, is he has a new girlfriend already. we were together for over 2 years and lived together. It is just hard to believe that he could move on to someone else so fast. I couldn't imagine doing that. My heart is still with him so I couldn't see myself jumping into another relationship after my future was suppose to be with him. Is it wrong for me to want to be with the man I gave my heart to and had a child by? All I want is my family together. I feel so stupid because I am still crying over this guy and he is not even thinking twice about me. I just wish I could wake up and my life was back to the way it was and I had my family back together and the man that I fell in love with but that does not look like it is going to happen. I'm in so much pain it sucks. I just don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be happy. I wish it was as easy for me to move on as it was for him. Hopefully I will start to feel better soon but right now I'm not and who knows how long it will be before I do.