Alone again...

 Well, Valentine's Day has passed and of course I end up spending it alone. The funny thing is it was the 1 year anniversary of the first time I spent time with my now ex BFF. As much as it sucks, it was time to let it go. Of course, I was trying to spend Valentine's Day with him with it being our 1 year anniversary and all but of course, he doesn't have time for me. It always seemed like he never had time for me. In the one year that he was in my life, we went on one date. ONE DATE! Every time I wanted to spend time with him he always had an excuse as to why he couldn't. The crazy thing is is that I hadn't seen him in 2 months and when I do see him the day before Valentine's, he shows up to my job for a comedy show with his son's mother. Then had the nerve to lie and say she bought tickets and invited him when all I had to do was look in the system and his name was on the tickets that he probably got from his job. So he invited her not the other way around. Which is messed up because when I want to go out and do things with him he doesn't have time but he has no problem making time for his son's mother. I hate that I'm not good enough to be asked on a date and get to be known. I feel like no one wants to be seen with me especially not in public. It's bad enough that she gets to see him on his birthday and holidays and apparently I'm not important enough to get to spend his birthday and holidays with him at least for a little while. I even told him all I wanted for Christmas was to be able to spend time with him. Did I get to? Of course NOT! It was time to let it go. There is no way I can compete with his son's mother and I shouldn't have to. It's apparent that she's way more important than I could ever be. Why do I always find the men who don't want to do anything but waste your time? Sadly, I believe I am meant to be alone for the rest of my life. I just can't fathom that all these years have gone passed and I still have not found the one guy who doesn't want to do anything but love me and make me happy or he hasn't found me. I thought I had finally found my match but I was wrong. He would never let me into his world and I believe it has to do with his son's mother. I felt like he didn't want to mess up whatever dynamic they have by letting me into his life. Makes me wonder why they aren't together. Obviously, no one else is as good enough to be in your life so why not be together? She gets to see him way more than I do. I just don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that they have this co parenting relationship. I guess it should be a good thing that they can be friends and be there for their son together but that leaves everyone else out and again, not good enough to be in his world. I think I officially am giving up on love. I have tried to believe it would one day come for me but all these years later and nothing. I'm just trying to come to the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life and it does make me sad and a little teary eyed when I think about it but it's not like there is anything I can do about it. It is what it is....