Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.............

Well first I'll start out with what happened between me and my friend who I mention on here a lot as the one who broke my heart. Well to recap my last post, I said that he was talking about not wanting to be my friend anymore because he has a girfriend and I decided that I wanted to talk to him face to face and went up to his job. So I sat out in front of his job and waited and planned on how I was going to approach him but in the end it turned out to be a funny thing because when I finally got to go up to him while he was in his car waiting on someone he got really scared like why was I there. But the whole thing turned out pretty cool even though I didn't talk to him about what I wanted. Anyway, on Sunday we got to talk and he explained to me why he was talking about us not being friends anymore. But now we have agreed to officially be friends and I'm glad we had a chance to talk and now maybe things will stop being awkward between us because after everything happened I definately started feeling awkward and uncomfortable around him which sucked because he was the only person I felt the most comfortable around. We're also probably going to hang out this weekend so we'll see if that happens or not since you never know with this dude. But happy that we are friends since he is one of the closest friends I have and it would have sucked major to lose him in my life no matter what happens between us. Because no matter how dirty somebody treats me and hurts me eventually I'll end up forgiving them but not forgetting that's just the way GOD made me I guess. Sometimes I kinda hate that about myself always being the forgiver.

In other news, still no word on my dream job yet and its been about a week I been waiting for that phone call. I'm just praying I get the call tomorrow so I can finally get put out of this misery. I just really want to know what my fate is going to be. Am I going to be hired or am I not? I just want to know if everything is going to turn out good or are things going to stay bad. I'm just ready to know. I have so many plans and goals and I can't even think about any of them until I find out about this job. This waiting totally sucks but hopefully I will finally get the news tomorrow which it will officially be a week later since I been expecting the news. I just hope the wait is worth it. I also received a call from this staffing place today about a job. It scared the crap out of me I was seriously freaking out because I didn't know what I was going to do. I want my dream job and if I got hired on at this other job I would have felt bad to end up quitting once the job I'm waiting on finally came through. This job is suppose to start on Wednesday too. But I was so not wanting that job because the lady told me it was first shift and I am not in to having a first shift job anymore since eventually I want to go back to school, It was only suppose to be a 6 week assignment and I definately would have hated that because I would have got use to being there and if I didn't get hired on full time I would be right back where I am now, broke and looking for a job not knowing how long it would take. So I made the effort to go to the interview anyway since I thought this would be my plan B job if my dream job didn't come through. This job is way in another town and county and it took over 30 minutes to get there. I had the darndest time trying to find the place and I tried and tried and I couldn't call anyone since I don't have a cell phone at the moment but after awhile I just gave up and came back home. Once I got home I realized that it must have been part of GOD'S plan for me to not get this job. I see it as a sign because before I even left I had reservations and I was so upset I didn't want to go and I just wanted my dream job. I'm just praying that I get the job I been waiting on for over a week and that I won't have to stress out or be frustrated about getting a job anymore.

Seriously frustrated.........

Well it is officially Saturday morning and I still haven't a clue if I'm going to get this job or not. You don't know how pissed I was and I started crying because I really want this job and the frustration from waiting to hear really got to me. You just don't know how much I want and need this job and like I keep saying, I am praying my heart out that everything works out. So now I have to wait until the weekend is over before I'm able to find anything out. I really need to make some money so I can take care of myself. After what happened earlier it is evident. What happened earlier was, my mother gave me 20 bucks and I had to split it between putting gas in my car and buying food. Do you know how hard it is to try to buy food with only 10 bucks? It is very hard. I tried to go over in my head what I could get without going over budget but obviously that didn't work out. I went over just a little and all I got was some cereal and hot dogs. I'm just praying that everything works out and I get this job. I just hope all the stress, frustration, crying, and waiting is worth it. Also I'm still waiting on the money for when I worked last Saturday at that back breaking warehouse. I thought I was going to get it yesterday but I didn't and that added to the frustration because I really needed that money to buy food. If I had the money I wouldn't have had to worry about splitting that 20 in half. I have no idea if I'm going to get that money or even when. Plus the lady called me twice yesterday, which I'm assuming was to have me come in and work yesterday night but of course I avoided the phone calls because I am totally not trying to go back to that place.

In other news, I think the guy who I mention in my other posts, I think him and I are officially not going to be friends anymore. I was texting him earlier asking him if we were still friends because he doesn't act very friendly towards me anymore since he got back with his ex. I know after how much this dude has hurt me and after all the lies I shouldn't even want to be his friend but I feel like after all this time he had became one of my closest friends and it would hurt a little if we stopped being friends all together just because he has a girlfriend. I honestly don't get why him having a girlfriend should affect us being friends. But if we do stop talking then I guess it was meant to happen. I won't fight it because I am still pretty pissed off at him anyway for what he had recently did to me which was use my feelings against me and lie to me to hurt me even more than he already had. I honestly figured that even if he had a girlfriend we would still be friends but I can honestly see the changes between us everyday. Like he never calls, at least just to say hi and to see how I'm doing, we stopped hanging out and everytime he said we would he would come up with some lame excuse as to why we can't and I honestly stopped asking him when we could all together because there was no point he would always say I don't know or he's studying or some other excuse, and I was one of his top friends on myspace and the other day I noticed that he took me off. So like I said I was texting to find out if we are still friends and he said yes but I think he's saying that just because he has a girlfriend we are not allowed to hang out or even talk to each other anymore which actually I'm getting use to not texting or calling him anymore since tonight was the first time all week that I had tried to talk to him. Anyway, I'm trying to understand where we stand with each other and I had sent him 4 different texts and called him twice but he still hasn't answered so I'm assuming he's at work which I came up with the bright idea to go up to his job and sit and wait for him to get off so when I see him walking to his car, I can surprise him and try and talk to him face to face, which should be alot easier than trying to talk to him through text or call which he could ignore. So we'll see what happens. If we stop being friends this will be the third time I feel I have lost him and all because of his girlfriend which I guess I can't say that I lost him since I don't think I ever really had him.

I'm still waiting............

So its Thursday night and I'm still waiting on the news about the job. It is torture!! I didn't wake up early today I slept in but had the phone by me just in case. Still no news though. I called up there at 3:30pm and tried to see if I could find anything out. I thought I was going to find something out since the guy had put me on hold. The whole time I was on hold I just sat there and prayed for some good news but when he got back on the phone he still didn't have any news for me. So I'm still waiting and hoping that I get the news tomorrow. I would hate it if I don't hear anything and I would have to end up waiting for the weekend to be over to find out something. I can't take this wait but I don't have much of a choice but to have to wait. But like I said, I'm just praying for the good news tomorrow so I can stop stressing out over it and waiting by the phone everyday. I just want to officially be able to say I have a job and I won't have to worry about having to sit on the computer everyday and job hunt and wait for someone to call. I am sooo over having to deal with that. But until I find out I am still praying my heart out and I'm sooo hoping for the good news tomorrow.

Anyway, earlier at 7:30pm the lady from the last job I was working had the nerve to call. I'm thinking why is she calling me now at 7:30 at night when she had all day to call. So of course I didn't answer the phone because I don't want to go back to that job anyway. It just wasn't for me. I don't think I can deal with having that job that is 8 hours but feels like its 10 and having to deal with an aching back because I'm stuck standing in one place the whole shift. I'm just waiting on the good news from my dream job and I will wipe that other job from my memory. I just really hope and pray that everything works out for me. It just seems scary to me to think of wanting something good to go right in my life because I think something bad is going to happen instead like I'm not ever suppose to be happy. But I want to be happy and getting this job will make me so happy. I just want everything to work out so sick of everything turning out bad I think I deserve something good to go my way for once. One can only hope and pray for the best.

Another day waiting........

So Wednesday is over and I still don't have any good news to share about the job yet. But not saying that I don't have any good news to share. I finally got my car back yesterday morning so its fixed and ready for me drive all I need to do is put some gas in it and I'm set. I found out that I have lost almost 10lbs. I am excited about that since I'm sooo trying to lose weight especially in my midsection so I'm going to keep it up starting with going on walks more often. I also found my battery charger for my camera so I had a lot of good luck yesterday. I'm just praying that I have another day of good luck today and find out about the job. I am just ready to stop worrying and waiting by the phone for them to call. So hopefully I will get the good news today so I can stop waiting by the phone. I have been waiting by the phone for the past 2 days and its getting a little frustrating having to keep waiting and jumping everytime the phone rings and feeling disappointed when its not the call I been waiting for. But you know how the saying goes "Good things come to those who wait" and I am waiting and being as patient as possible. I'm still praying though and I'm so anxious to get that phone call. I'm just ready to start working and to get my life together.

Update on my last post.......

After I just finished writing my last post, I tried again to call up to find out the status of the job and the guy answered the phone. He let me know that he hadn't heard anything yet and he should be finding out pretty soon so I'm assuming that I should hear something by tomorrow. So like I said, until I hear something I will be praying my little heart out. I am just ready to finally get some well deserved good news in my life. I know I keep saying this over and over but it has been nothing but bad upon bad things happening to me all year and I am ready for the bad to be over and the good to start. Also, I haven't been up to that other job I was working these last couple of days. I was sitting here waiting on the lady to call me and let me know that I could come and she has not called. I don't know if I was suppose to go up there on my own but I could have sworn she told us she would call us. So now I'm thinking they probably thought I quit but then I'm thinking she would have called to see if I was coming back or not so I don't know. But I do know its too much hassle working that job and it seems disorganized so I'm better off not even working there even though I didn't care much about working there in the first place so it doesn't matter to me. Still praying until I get the good news.........

No news.......

Well its Tuesday and its 3:00pm and I still haven't heard anything about the job. I have been waiting by the phone since 8:00 this morning and I am starting to lose hope though I'm sad to say. But I'm still not giving up. I tried to call myself a few minutes ago but no answer. I'll probably try again in a little bit. I wasn't gonna give up hope for the day until 4:00 since I'm thinking after 4 nobody is gonna be calling about a job so I have exactly an hour left. If I don't hear anything then I will just have to wait until tomorrow and I am praying that they call me and give me the good news. I have been praying so badly for days and I feel that I'm confident to know that things will work out. I just have faith that the LORD will not let me down and that all the hardships I have dealt with this whole year will officially be over soon. I have faith that HE will get me through this hard time and everything will be alright. I keep thinking just in case there is a chance I don't get hired I should start finding other jobs to apply to just to be on the safe side. But like I said, I know the LORD will not let me down and he will work everything out in my favor. I just would be soooooo crushed if I don't get this job. I would seriously hate to add this to the list of disappointments that I have been dealing with all year. So still praying until I find out.

1 day to go......

Well I have officially 1 day to go until I find out if I get this job that I have been praying my heart out for. I will be so happy when today is over. Having to wait is straight torture and I'm glad the wait is almost over. I have been doing nothing but praying and keeping the faith. As well as staying positive and just saying that I know I am going to get this job. I'm positive that I'm going to get this job. I should be getting my car fixed hopefully today so when they do call me and tell me I got the job, I will be able to go to work without any problems and having to worry about needing someone to take me and pick me up since I don't have many options on who can do that anyway. My prayer will continue until the day I found out since you can never be too sure what will happen. I just know I'm going to get this job. I feel so determined to change my life around and make things better than it has been this whole year. I have gone through so many struggles and hardships all year and the past couple of months and this job will definately show me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the struggles won't last forever. I'm so anxious waiting on this phone call but thankfully the weekend is over and all I have to do is wait until tomorrow. I am sooo ready. I will write back tomorrow after I find out what the verdict is. Will I get the job or won't I? You know I'm praying I will. Only GOD knows what is going to happen to me and my future and I really pray that the hard times are over and that everything is starting to get better. Believe me I can not take anymore bad and no more bad news and bad things happening to me. I really could use some good news in my life right now. So until then we will see what happens..........

Just a quick post......

Its about to turn 10:30am and I'm suppose to be getting ready to go to work and I really don't want to go. I have to be there by 12:30pm and I have to be at the bus stop by 11:30am. It sucksss so bad. I don't want to go to this job and be there all day. I know I shouldn't be complaining at all considering how much I need money but I really don't think this job is a good fit for me. Which is why I have been praying like crazy that I will get hired at the job I got interviewed for yesterday. I'm gonna have to be up at this place from 12:30-9pm and I don't want to. I really don't. That place is so raggedy and nasty looking I don't think I can handle it. Which, like I said, is why I'm praying for this other job soooooo much. Well I'm off to get ready to go to this place that I don't want to go to. Praying that everything works in my favor.

Cotinuation and nervous......

So to continue on with my last post I didn't have to go into work yesterday but the lady called and asked me to come in today from 12:30-9pm. That seems like all day but I need the money so I have no reason to complain. Plus I never have anything else better to do on Saturday anyway. Well to another topic I had a job interview with this company yesterday and that's what I am sooo nervous about. I was suppose to go in at 10:30am but my ride, who happened to be the guy who I talked about in my last posts about him hurting me to get back with his ex, anyway, he was my ride and then the night before he called me and told me that he wasn't going to be able to take me at 10:30 because his gf had to be at work at 11. So of course he had to take her to work and you know I get backburnered(is that even a word?) because he's gonna choose her first for everything. Of course she comes before me even though we had made the plans for him to take me and she told him at the last minute that he had to take her. You don't know how pissed off I was about that. Anything between me and him has definately been ruined by this girl and I know I shouldn't say this but I really wish he would break up with this girl once in for all and things can go back to normal between us and I don't have to feel awkward for needing favors or even wanting us to hang out. Another thing that pissed me off was this dude was seriously gonna have one of his friends take me to my job interview. Why would this dude even think I would go along with anything like that? To have some random guy that I don't know, never talked to or seen take me to my job interview. I know I'm not much of a priority to this dude anymore but it would be nice if he gave me a little consideration. Well I got the job interview rescheduled to 12:30pm so he was able to take me. Let's just say I felt really awkward being in the car with him especially considering where I was sitting his stinking gf was just sitting at. I had also found out that he had went to the casino without me when we were suppose to go together. He claims to had went with his friend but I think he went with his gf and he wasn't gonna tell me considering that we were suppose to go together. I realize this dude does soo much to piss me off and hurt me. I honestly question why I am even still friends with this guy.

Anyway, back to the job. I waited about an hour before my interview started and the lady finally came and I got to walk around the warehouse and she was explaining everything to me, what they do and what I would be doing. Then we sat in the break room where we continued the interview and it was really nice. I really think the interview went well. I was also shocked to here that for the position I applied to they had 140 applications and the hr manager choosed the top10 to send to the lady who interviewed me and she chose the top 5 from that so I made it to the top 5 out of 140 applicants. I really felt lucky and blessed to hear that. Now I have to wait until Tuesday to find out if I get the job or not. I am praying my heart out that I get this job. I know the odds are against me because out of the top 5 there were 3 internal candidates and 2 of us external candidates. I just see it as why choose one of the internal candidates when their already working there over someone who really needs a job. I just pray I get this job. I have to wait the next 3 days until I can find out and its going to be complete torture. But I'm definately trying to stay optimistic and trying to keep the faith that I will get this job. I would prefer this job over the one I have now but at least I know if this job falls through I do have the one I'm at now. I don't want this job to fall through I really want this job badly. The only thing I would have to worry about is the whole car situation if I actually do get this job but I know everything will work its self out. I know whatever happens is apart of GOD'S plan and what's meant to be will be. I just can't stop thinking about the possibilities if I do get this job. Like going to school and getting out of my mother's house which it is officially time for me to go so I really need this job more than anything. I know either way whether I get the job or I don't I know I will be crying when I find out. I pray everything works out. I'm so nervous but like I keep saying I'm praying that everything works out in my favor and I get this job. My ultimate goal is to get back in school in January and its coming up fast so I need to make sure I have a good job secure so I can start the process of registering because I want to have that taken care of by December. This job I currently have now I'm considered a temp and who knows if I will actually make it to real employee status. I'm so sick of the whole temp job thing after the last time. That's why I'm praying I get this other job because I'm actually getting hired on by the actual company not through a temp and not to mention the pay is really good and I will have a title. I would be an "Inventory Control Specialist" and at the job I'm at now I think I'm just a warehouse worker and the job I do is nothing worth while. If I stayed there I honestly would not know what to put on my resume to explain what it is I do. So its just sooooo many reason why I am going crazy about getting this job. I want it soooo much and soooo badly. But like I said all I can do is pray and stay encouraged, keep the faith, and stay optimistic and everything will work out. I'll write about what ends up happening and praying that I get to write some good news and nothing bad. LORD knows I could definately use some good news right now after all these bad things that's been happening to me the past few months.

WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!

Updating after another 2 months......

Well its been another 2 months since my last post. I can't believe I keep getting more spacey when it comes to posting. I'm trying to get on here and post more. But anyway, what's been going on with me in the last two months? Well my last post I told about how hurt I was about this guy choosing to be with his ex instead of with me. I can honestly say I am slowly but surely getting over that hurt. I'm not gonna lie, I am still bitter about the whole thing. I really cared about this guy and to just think about him being with his gf and going out with her and kissing her still hurts because I want that to be me. I want to be the one who has a guy to go out with on the weekends and someone who wants to call me just to check up on me. I just want to be loved and appreciated and wanted. Is that too much to ask for? Well, maybe one day it will be my turn to have the love of my life and to be with someone who cares about me just as much as I care about them. I always realize when I like someone I put more into then they do, like the whole relationship, whether we are together or not, I put 80% and he puts 20% instead of it being 50/50.

Also I have been going through the struggle of finding a job just like I have been all year. I have been doing the best I can filling out applications, putting in my resume, it is really hard to put in all those applications and to not be able to get anything at all. Well last week I saw a posting about a job fair that was suppose to be going on Monday and I definately planned on going. I thought if I go I might get lucky and get hired. But on Saturday my car ended up breaking down. You just could not realize how crushed I was because I didn't want to miss that job fair for anything and I didn't know how I would get to it without a car. There isn't anyone who I can depend on to ask to take me so my only option was to get on the bus. I am not an expert bus rider so I was nervous about getting on but I did my research and it all worked out I made it to the job fair and actually got hired I just had to wait on them to get my background check back then I could start. Well that happened yesterday. They called me back around 1:15pm and asked me if I could come in that day!! I can't believe they did that but I was determined to work so I went. Since I'm carless at the moment, I decided that I was going to walk. I walked 12 blocks and I had to hurry up in get there because I had to be there by 2:30pm!! I didn't have time to eat because I had woke up an hour before the lady called me and I didn't expect her to ask me to come in that day. Well I got to work and started working then after awhile I started getting dizzy and light-headed. I realized I must have had heat exhaustion. So I sat down for awhile and started to go back to work once I thought I was better but I started getting dizzy again so that's when I realized I needed to go home. Luckily, someone who lives down the street from me worked there and I was able to get a ride. Then later that night, the lady called me and told me that she thought I was a no call, no show because I didn't show up to the break room where I guess all the new people were suppose to meet. But when I got there there were a bunch of people outside for a meeting so I assumed that that's where I was suppose to be. Its not like I could distinguish against who was new and who had already worked there.

I'm going to continue this in another thread since I feel like I have wrote alot.