End of 2022...

 It is the end of the year and it seems like nothing has really changed in my life. I still have not found the man of my dreams although I feel like there has been one man that I have been praying for but doesn't seem like that man will ever come into my life unless a miracle happens. I am going on 10 years single in about 6 months and still wonder what is wrong with me that the love of my life has still not came into my life. They always tell you to wait and he will come but how much longer do I have to wait because I have been waiting a long time. I really think I am meant to be alone. I do not see how someone can be single for 10 years unless they choose to be and I haven't chosen to be single this long it just happened this way. I feel like I do not know what to do. Should I keep praying that someone will finally come into my life one day? Should I give up? I really do not know what to do when it comes to love and relationships. I just know I really do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. I would like to have a partner to grow and share my life with. I wonder if there is anyone out there for me. There has only been one guy I have been interested in for a while and no other men really catch my attention because of this one guy who I think is amazing although I do not know him personally only through what I see on his social media. I have tried to get his attention but to no luck so I think I need to forget about him since it doesn't seem like he is the one for me but if there is any chance for him to come into my life, I would be so thankful.

Another thing that I have been struggling with this year is finding a job. I have a bunch of part time jobs but I only work them every now and again. Nothing consistent that I am bringing in any money to put away for savings or to pay things off. I only make enough for food, gas, and little things in between I might need. I just need a consistent job and it has been hard finding one. I can only work nights since I already have a day job and the other jobs I work in the evenings. I have been trying to find a remote job so I don't have to leave the house. It has been hard and the main reason I need a job is so I can bring in money to pay my school bill so I can go back and finish. This whole year done went by and I haven't found anything consistent. I would like to go back to school by next Fall semester but this finding a job thing has not been working. Who knew it would be this hard finding a job. It seems like there are so many jobs hiring but nothing I can really do because most of the jobs seem like they are day jobs or full time and I can only work certain hours. I just hope I can figure something out soon. This is one of those things that I just don't know what to do or how to fix the situation. I feel lost. 

It looks like the two things I was wanting to happen this year at the end of last year is the same things I am wanting now for next year. That is love and a way to get money so I can go back to school and finally finish. Let's hope 2023 will be my year.

Life sucks sometimes...

 I am ready for this month to be over. This month I was suppose to be graduating and it sucks I didn't get the chance to. I should have been enjoying this month and happy that I finally made it. Instead I can't do nothing but realize that it's not my turn. I wish there was something I could do to get the money I need to finish. I really do not know what to do. That is the only thing keeping me from finishing is money. I tried to start a Gofundme page to see if that would do anything but I do not know where to share it to get support. I do not want to share it on my social media because I do not want people I know to feel like they have to help me. I wish I could just get help from strangers but don't know how. The only thing I can do is just try to find me a job that I can do from home and the money I make from it can go towards paying my balance down. Maybe next year I'll be able to go back and officially finish. It has been a long tiring and stressful road to make it to the end. I am literally in my last 2-4 classes and I had to pretty much drop out because I can't pay. It just doesn't seem fair. Hopefully, I will be able to find a job and use the money to get back in school. I do not know how long it is going to take for me to get back in but I will never give up. I plan on finishing and graduating. It has always been my goal to get my degree and I still plan on making it happen. It's just going to take a little while longer.

Getting involved...

 I don't know what it is about volunteering but I love to do it. I honestly believe it is my calling in life. I like being helpful and going where I can be used. I first started volunteering because I was interested in joining a sorority and I knew that volunteering would be a good thing so I started volunteering at different places when I had time and now I do it because it is something I can say I am passionate about. I am starting to volunteer at a place next month that I wanted to volunteer at years ago but never had the chance, and I started volunteering at the church I attend and I'm thinking about volunteering at another church maybe in the next month or two. I like to go where I feel I am needed and can help out at. We'll see if anymore opportunities come up but the couple places I am helping out at is enough for now. It would be nice to be able to have people to volunteer with. I'm glad my kids can volunteer with me at the church. I tried to get one of my friends to volunteer with me but she always kept coming up with excuses or just didn't want to. I wish I could find some friends that are like me and love to volunteer when they get the chance. I don't have not one friend who I could call and say let's volunteer here or there and they would be happy to do it. Where are the people who like to volunteer? I need those people as friends.

Still waiting...

 So I am still waiting for love to come in my life. I have been single for over 8 years and it still blows my mind that I have been single this long. I believe the LORD has a good man out there for me somewhere I just wish it didn't have to take so long for him to show up. There is one man that I have eyes for right now. It's the guy I have been crushing on since last year and I pray some way some how that he is the man for me. He is actually single which is great because usually men I have a thing for are already in relationships or married. He seems like a great guy but I find it weird that he is still single. He seems like a catch to me and there's is nothing that I don't like about him. He has a lot of great qualities and I love that he's into church. I would definitely love to have a church going man. He's an amazing musician and plays at different places and at his church. I would love to see him play at one of his gigs but I rarely get to have a night to myself to get out the house. The only way I can see him play is at his church but I don't know if that makes me seem like a stalker. I have given up on dating sites because I feel like I have gotten nowhere on them and none of the men really interest me. I'm still hoping love will find me one day. It's been a long 8 years.

Let's hope...

 I can't believe this is my first post of 2021 but I guess life gets away from you. I can say this year hasn't been too horrible. I just finished taking two classes this Summer and surprisingly passed my Statistics class. I am still in shock that I passed because math is not my favorite thing and it seems hard to understand but I passed with a B and it was a six week class. It's weird that I passed one of the hardest classes ever in six weeks and couldn't do it in a whole semester. Now I am waiting for the Fall semester to start in the next week  I am in the home stretch I have 7 classes left. 3 for my degree and 4 for my minor and I'm taking 4 this Fall so hopefully I will be able to get through. The only thing I am worried about is financial aid. If I can't pay for school then I don't see how I am going to finish. I had to do a SAP appeal to get my financial aid back and it got approved thankfully but in the financial aid section it only has about $1700 of financial aid for the semester and obviously that is not enough. I still owe money for the Summer classes I took and what I couldn't pay for last Fall. I just hope there is still some options out there for me or I am going to have to start a GoFundMe page or something. I don't want to give up after all these years of trying to finish and I am so close to being done to have this block me from finishing. I'm going to send an email to financial aid and see if there are any options for me. There's got to be something to help me this is literally my last year. I should be graduating in May. All I can do is hope and pray that everything works out and I can get this figured out and all I will have to worry about is getting through these last classes and not the financial part.

Shooting Your Shot...

 Is it possible to shoot your shot at someone you do not know? There is this guy that I find very interesting but of course he doesn't know I exist. I wish I knew how to put myself out there for him to at least know I exist. I sent a dm to him on Instagram but no reply back. It seems like every guy I am interested in is never interested in me the way I am to them. Mr. Right has to come along one day right? Optimism is hard when you wait years for him and he never shows up. I'm waiting on the day or the year he shows up. I have waited 7 1/2 years what's another 7 1/2 although I did want to have a few more kids before I got too old but the way things are going the dream of having more kids doesn't look like it is going to happen unless I just find a sperm donor. I guess we'll see which one ends up coming first.

End of 2020...

 I have not been on here since the beginning of the year. I can't believe I ave gone the whole year without writing anything. This year has been horrible with Covid. I haven't been to my part time job since March and i actually miss it. I miss the excitement of a lot of people around. I still do not know when things will go back to normal. I am ready for it to. I feel like I can't do anything. One of the main things that I wish I could do is volunteer. I haven't had the chance to do it this year because of Covid and hopefully once this thing is finally over I can start again. Another thing I am looking forward to is going to church. I do not know how long it has been since I have been and I have been watching the live streams every Sunday and Wednesday and I can't wait until I can physically be there and become active. 

The fall semester is over and I am glad it is over. Out of the four classes I have taken, I have to retake one which is statistics. I am not a math person. I am taking the spring semester off and will continue either in the summer or fall. I am almost done. I only have a few classes left until I can graduate and I can not wait. It has been a long time I have been in school forever and it will feel great to finally finish something. For now, I am working on getting certifications. My plan is to get 5 certifications by the end of next year. 

I just had a job interview the other day for a night job. The interview wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be because I always get nervous. I feel like I never know what to say or I feel like I answer questions wrong but we'll see if I get the job. I would be shocked if I do but it will be nice to have the extra income. The only thing is its a night job and if I get it I hope I will have some support when I need to work. 

It is the end of the year and I am still SINGLE. I have been single for almost 7 1/2 years and I realize that every New Year i hope that it will be my year to finally find love and then the end of the year comes and I am still single like I was at the beginning of the year. Why does finding love have to be so hard? I can't believe I have been single this long. Maybe 2021 will be my year to finally find love but I wouldn't hold my breath since I have been saying it for years and every year I am still single. I honestly feel like I am losing hope on finding love and the man of my dreams. I'm sure it will happen one day but it is taking a long time. Who knows maybe there isn't a loving, sweet, honest, caring, funny man out there for me and that's why he hasn't came into my life. I feel like I just need to get use to being alone which I obviously am use to it. Maybe I am better off alone because if I were to ever get in a relationship I do not think I would even know what to do. I am so out of touch when it comes to dating and relationships I would be scared that I would ruin it.