Waiting again...

 Well I thought I was going to get to go back to school but I might have to wait another year. Apparently, I still owe money to another collection place so now I'm trying to figure out how to pay them off so I can officially go back to school. I had to take a loan out of my retirement and once I get that money, I'll call them and see what the minimum payment is that I can pay to get this resolved. I just hate that every time I try to take a step forward, I have to take 10 steps back. I just pray that I can get this figured out. I'm so close but still feel far. If they won't accept the minimum I have, then I'm going to have to keep working and saving until I have what I need but who knows how long that will take so I might have to hold off another year. I'm just ready to finish and move on to the next thing in my life and I feel like I have been stuck in this part of my life for a long time. I just want it to be over. I hope everything will work out but until then I'm still in limbo.

I'm back again!!...

 It's been almost 2 years since I've posted. I have always wanted to come and write some thoughts but have been too lazy to do it. It is almost May and I am ready for Summer to come and go. I finally get to go back to school this Fall and finish my degree!! After all these years out I finally get to go back and I can not wait. I only have 4 classes left to take to get my degree and my minor and then I can graduate so by this time next year, I will hopefully be getting ready to graduate. It's overwhelming to think about after all these years, the end might finally come. I know I'll be crying tears of joy when the day is here just thinking about it makes me want to cry. It's been a long road and it's almost over. Once I do graduate, I will be going back to school again. Because of the part time job I've had for years, I now want to get a degree in that field. First, an Associates then a Bachelors. I'm hoping to one day find a job that I love that makes decent money and I can retire from.

Job search...

I just applied to a job in the company I work for yesterday. I wasn't really job hunting but I saw a job that I had been interested in for awhile so I applied for it. It would be awesome if I got it. It's a remote job so I can work from home and it will be more pay. It would be weird if I did get it because I would have to quit my job that I have been doing for the last 7 years but it seems like I should be looking to move to the next thing since it has been that long. I was not planning on doing any job hunting until after I graduated but the way things are looking, I do not know when that will ever happen. I always go by the saying what is for me, will be for me so if this job is for me, I will get it.

House hunting is hard...

 I have been house hunting for over a year and still have not found anything. It's crazy how hard it is to find a house. I am just looking for something that is move in ready and does not need any work done. Something in a decent neighborhood. I think the one thing that is slowing down the process is that I need a house in a specific area because of where my kids go to school and the houses are all over my budget. Even the small houses with not a lot of square footage is overpriced. I hate the housing market! I wish the prices would go down so that the houses can be more affordable. I need to find something because since I am not living in the district that my kids go to school at, they can not use the transportation and they are getting to the point of needing the transportation. It sucks to have to go through this. I know when the right place comes along it will be for me but this process is so slow and long, I just never know if I will ever find what I am looking for. If I could find something before school starts that would be great but I do not see that happening since school starts in less than 2 months and it has been over a year of hunting. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because all the houses I am interested in are over my budget and the condos that are in my price range I can not get because of how much the HOA fees are. This is definitely a frustrating process that makes me feel like quitting but I still trying to hold on to hope that something will  come along because I am ready to get out of my apartment.

Posts I saw...

Here is a couple posts I found that I feel like I can relate to. I would love to find my soulmate if he even exist and if I can ever find a man, it would be nice to actually have someone who knows about courting and wants to actually take the time to get to know you and genuinely fall in love with you. Someone who will talk to you and want to be your friend first. I pray that the person is out there for me. 🙏

 GET YOU A SOULMATE

Someone who's ready to have conversations to keep your relationship healthy and strong. Someone who's ready to wake up at 3AM and send you an I LOVE YOU text. Someone who's ready to send you flowers randomly. Someone who's ready to tell the whole world about you. Someone who's ready to give you EVERY piece of their being to be with you. Someone who isn't AFRAID to love you completely, fully and totally. Most people get attracted, catch feelings, fall in love and hope for the best, THAT is not good enough anymore. It takes a new mindset, a new perspective and a new approach to get the love you desire. YOU deserve to be With someone who's prepared to receive the GIFT of having you!!

This Generation has no idea how to COURT

like, no she don’t want to come over & chill! Stop texting her all day & call her! LISTEN! Get to know her...ask her on dates! Plan the dates! Listen to their favorite music & send them yours! Send them music that makes them think of you. Listen to poetry!appreciate each other’s art! Read books & watch shows together, but apart so you both can talk about them Over dinner!

Take her to get Ice cream Go to carnivals! Trips? Go travel! Go out for late night drives & sing old R&B songs! go skating, bowling, to plays, open mics, and to the lake! Go have a bonfire! have a cook off! Support each other & build a friendship! Not just text “good morning” & “wyd” every 24 hours

End of 2022...

 It is the end of the year and it seems like nothing has really changed in my life. I still have not found the man of my dreams although I feel like there has been one man that I have been praying for but doesn't seem like that man will ever come into my life unless a miracle happens. I am going on 10 years single in about 6 months and still wonder what is wrong with me that the love of my life has still not came into my life. They always tell you to wait and he will come but how much longer do I have to wait because I have been waiting a long time. I really think I am meant to be alone. I do not see how someone can be single for 10 years unless they choose to be and I haven't chosen to be single this long it just happened this way. I feel like I do not know what to do. Should I keep praying that someone will finally come into my life one day? Should I give up? I really do not know what to do when it comes to love and relationships. I just know I really do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. I would like to have a partner to grow and share my life with. I wonder if there is anyone out there for me. There has only been one guy I have been interested in for a while and no other men really catch my attention because of this one guy who I think is amazing although I do not know him personally only through what I see on his social media. I have tried to get his attention but to no luck so I think I need to forget about him since it doesn't seem like he is the one for me but if there is any chance for him to come into my life, I would be so thankful.

Another thing that I have been struggling with this year is finding a job. I have a bunch of part time jobs but I only work them every now and again. Nothing consistent that I am bringing in any money to put away for savings or to pay things off. I only make enough for food, gas, and little things in between I might need. I just need a consistent job and it has been hard finding one. I can only work nights since I already have a day job and the other jobs I work in the evenings. I have been trying to find a remote job so I don't have to leave the house. It has been hard and the main reason I need a job is so I can bring in money to pay my school bill so I can go back and finish. This whole year done went by and I haven't found anything consistent. I would like to go back to school by next Fall semester but this finding a job thing has not been working. Who knew it would be this hard finding a job. It seems like there are so many jobs hiring but nothing I can really do because most of the jobs seem like they are day jobs or full time and I can only work certain hours. I just hope I can figure something out soon. This is one of those things that I just don't know what to do or how to fix the situation. I feel lost. 

It looks like the two things I was wanting to happen this year at the end of last year is the same things I am wanting now for next year. That is love and a way to get money so I can go back to school and finally finish. Let's hope 2023 will be my year.

Life sucks sometimes...

 I am ready for this month to be over. This month I was suppose to be graduating and it sucks I didn't get the chance to. I should have been enjoying this month and happy that I finally made it. Instead I can't do nothing but realize that it's not my turn. I wish there was something I could do to get the money I need to finish. I really do not know what to do. That is the only thing keeping me from finishing is money. I tried to start a Gofundme page to see if that would do anything but I do not know where to share it to get support. I do not want to share it on my social media because I do not want people I know to feel like they have to help me. I wish I could just get help from strangers but don't know how. The only thing I can do is just try to find me a job that I can do from home and the money I make from it can go towards paying my balance down. Maybe next year I'll be able to go back and officially finish. It has been a long tiring and stressful road to make it to the end. I am literally in my last 2-4 classes and I had to pretty much drop out because I can't pay. It just doesn't seem fair. Hopefully, I will be able to find a job and use the money to get back in school. I do not know how long it is going to take for me to get back in but I will never give up. I plan on finishing and graduating. It has always been my goal to get my degree and I still plan on making it happen. It's just going to take a little while longer.