Ready for a new job...

I'm ready to leave my job. I like my job and I'm thankful I was giving the opportunity to be there but it would be nice to find a job where I can feel like I fit in. I don't feel like I fit in at my job and it sucks. I feel like I am not needed and that I am being used. In the almost year that I have been there, I have learned that my job is pretty much a one person job not a two person job and the lady I work with can pretty much do everything by herself. I believe the only reason I am there is for when she calls in, or takes a day off, or is on vacation. That's the only time I feel appreciated. I don't even work a full 40 hours a week so it makes me wonder if it is time for me to move on. I keep trying to find jobs to apply to and I have applied to a couple but so far no luck has come my way. I applied for a ob at my old company which I would love to go back to because I never wanted to leave in the first place. I applied to the job 2 months ago and so far haven't heard anything about it. Everyday I keep hoping I'll get a phone call or email but nothing after two months. The job is still posted so I don't know what is going on and I wish there was a way I could find out. I'm still praying everyday that the day will come that I hear something. I want that job so I can get out of the job I am in and I will be closer to school plus I can work for the company that I plan on working for when I graduate. It just sucks having to wait. I really hope, wish, and pray I can get that job and go somewhere and feel wanted.

Should I give up?...

Why do I always feel like when I like someone I always get the cold shoulder? The guy I am interested in is becoming hard to get to know now. It seemed like everything was going great between us until it came time for him to go on vacation. He was suppose to come hangout with me before he left since we weren't going to get to see each other that weekend and he said he was coming but never showed up and I never heard from him but I figured he probably went to sleep. He still never apologized or gave an explanation and I never brought it up because I didn't want him to think it bothered me. Then he went on vacation and I barely heard from him at all. So for a whole week he literally ignored me which I understand you're on vacation but still you're not that busy every second of the day that you can't say hi. After his trip, he says he doesn't really talk to anybody when he's on vacation unless its his girlfriend or parents. I just feel like I try to keep the lines of communication open with him to continue to get to know him but I don't think he feels the same way. I was hoping that things would go back to normal once he came back from his trip but nope. I try to text him and it seems like it takes forever for him to respond back. I feel like I need to back away from this guy before my ego gets more bruised. It sucks because I really like this guy. It always seems like I have a hard time when it comes to finding a boyfriend. When am I going to find a guy who is interested in me to where he keeps texting me and wanting to get to know me? I always feel like I do more than the guy I want the guy to do more than me. I'm guessing its not my time to find that guy but if I'm lucky things will change and we'll start talking more. I can only hope....

In strong like...

The guy that I have mentioned in my previous post that I met on Plenty of Fish is still around. It has been almost 6 weeks since I started talking to him and we are still talking. We have even hung out a couple of times. The first time he came over to my place and we chatted for awhile, maybe about an hour before he went home because he had been out all day so he was tired. I was glad he came even for a little while because at least the awkward meeting face to face for the first time was over. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be. The second time we hung out on Memorial Day. I thank the LORD for allowing me to get the opportunity to get to go out with him. We went downtown and just walked around it was fun. We talked and joked around. The awkward part was when we were almost done walking we ran into his ex/daughter's mother and his daughter and I think it was his cousins. It was definitely unexpected but not bad. My first real date in years and I'm glad I got to do it with an awesome guy. I am looking forward to getting to hang out with him again. He is a very sweet guy. One of the nicest guys I have met in a long time. I am hoping I will get to see him again this weekend since next weekend is out of the question because he will be out of town. I am just so thankful for having the opportunity to get to hang out and I am looking forward to more times. I'll have to wait and see what happens between us but I am hoping for good things. I have waited a long time for a good man like him to come into my life and he is finally here. I just hope he is as good of a guy as I think he is so far. All I know is I am looking to spend a lot more time with him in the future. I just hope this is the real thing and not a dream that I have to wake up from one day. It feels good to be in like with someone. I feel like I think about him all day every day and just daydreaming about being with him. LORD willing this man will be my boyfriend one day and if the time ever comes it will feel so weird because it has been a long time since I have called anyone let alone had a boyfriend but it will be so great to have someone to talk to whenever I want to talk or he want to talk, someone to go out and do things with, and someone to joke around with. I miss having that in my life. A little bit everyday I start feeling like I am not lonely thanks to him. I also deleted my Plenty of Fish and Tinder apps off my phone because I feel like I met the person that I was looking for and who I was meant to find so I don't need to talk to anyone else. He told me when we were last together that he deleted his too which made me get rid of mines although I was thinking about getting rid of them anyway I decided after he told me he got rid of his. I feel like I'm starting to feel a little more joy in my heart thanks to him and it feels good to listen to love songs and feeling like I can sort of relate to them. I can't wait to see where things go as the weeks and months go by. I pray that I will be able to get what I want and for us to go from just friends to boyfriend and girlfriend to possibly husband and wife. All I know is that we are definitely taking things slow and are not trying to rush into anything. We are just trying to enjoy the getting to know each other stage before we start thinking about anything else and I like it this way because I don't want to rush into anything. I think its good that we take our time and get to know each other. It seems kind of old fashioned but I like it this way. I definitely would want us to just be friends and get to know each other and have fun without any expectations.

Single parenthood...

Single parenthood sucks!! I don't regret my kids at all but it is definitely hard to have a life when you have kids around all the time. I want to be able to go out on dates and have a night out every once in awhile. I am interested in this guy I met on Plenty of Fish and we have been talking the past two weeks and it would be nice to be able to go out with him so we can hang out in person and not just be chatting on the phone all the time. I just don't want him to lose interest in me because I may seem like I am never available. I wanted to go out with him tonight but I don't have anyone to keep my kids so I am stuck in the house. I just hope I will be able to go out with him next weekend or the weekend after. I really don't want to miss the chance of getting to know this guy because I have kids and miss out on the guy who could be the one. I feel like just because I have kids doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to have a life and go out every now and again. I haven't been out of the house and had fun since last July. Now that I have a guy that I am interested in, I want to be able to go out every now and again. Hopefully things will work out. If this guy was meant to be in my life then I still have a chance.

Job hunting again...

I am on the hunt for another job. I like my job but I am ready to go. The lady that I work with is planning on leaving to go back home to Louisiana which means I am going to get stuck with all of her work plus I am going to have to work with a new person and I do not know if I can handle it. She says she is planning on leaving in July so I am hoping I can be gone by the end of June. I put in an app the other day for the same job that I am doing but at another facility and I hope I can get it. Right now, I am just waiting on getting a call for an interview but if I can make it to the interview, I hope I can get offered the job. I know the people at my job will be shocked if I put in my two weeks notice because they are banking on me taking over when the lady I work with leaves. It is just so many little things at that job that seems like it gets bigger and bigger to where I get irritated all the time and I just don't want to be there anymore. I pretty much like the people at my job and I like the job I do but I just don't want to be there anymore. Hopefully things will work out to where I can be out of there by my goal time which is no later then the end of June.

Another semester down...

The spring semester is finally over!! At least at my school it is, at the community college where I am taking my math class its not over for another week. Summer classes start in a few days. So I will technically still be in the spring semester while in the summer semester which is weird. I think I made it out of my classes with passing grades. I think I have a C and two Bs and now I have to wait for my math class to be over to find out what I get in there and I am praying that I pass because I would hate to have to take that class over. Now I can get into my summer classes and it might be tough because the sessions are only 7 weeks so a lot will have to be crammed into each week. I hope I can make it through and pass then I can go to the Fall semester and once it starts, I will only have three more semesters to go until I graduate and I am definitely counting down because I am determined to make it to graduation. Failing is not an option. I just want to make a better me and get a good paying job to where I don't have to worry about struggling for money. The end is getting closer and closer and I can't wait until I am there.

Another dating site...

I have found me another dating app to get on. Like I said in my previous post, I was on Tinder and they have decent guys on there but the only problem is they can not hold a conversation. Of all the guys I matched with on there, I have only really been in contact with one. So I picked another app to get on called Plenty of Fish to see if I would have a better chance of getting to talk to guys and I did. I can honestly say that Plenty of Fish is way better than Tinder. The guys actually talk on there and I was able to talk to a couple of guys on Saturday night which made my night less boring. The only thing I can say I didn't like is that anybody can message you so pretty much its up to you if you want to message that person back or not. With Plenty of Fish, you can set a search of what your looking for going by age, height, if they have kids, if they are black, white or whatever. Tinder only lets you search by age. I got to talk to a few guys that I was interested in and we ended up exchanging numbers so that we could talk outside of the app. There were some guys who were trying to get my number without even really talking to me first. They would pretty much say hi and how are you then would be trying to exchange numbers so then I would ignore them after that because I was not about to exchange numbers with a guy I have barely talked to. I did exchange numbers with three guys on there and we have talked off and on but there is this one guy that I have been talking to and he seems really cool. I'm about ready to stop talking to the other two just to talk to him because between the three, he is the only one that I am constantly talking to and we are actually getting to know each other. He definitely seems like a great guy. He'll be 33 this year, has a good job, actually has his own house, and cars, has a daughter but the one thing I can say that interest me the most about him is that he wants to get married and have more kids which is what I want to do too. I actually have been talking to him on the phone which is a big deal considering I don't like talking on the phone. I'm not trying to jump the gun or anything since we have only been talking for a few days and its not like we have even met each other face to face yet but this guy just might be the one I have been waiting on. He seems like a genuinely, sweet guy with a good head on his shoulders and I am kind of excited to see where things go from here but all I can say is to take things one day at a time and who knows in a couple of years he could end up being the guy I marry and have a family with and to think it all started by me downloading the Plenty of Fish app. I haven't been this excited about a guy in a long time. The cool thing is neither one of us has been in a meaningful relationship with anyone in years so I am excited to see where this will lead to. Hopefully great things are ahead for the both of us...