Mission for Love...

Tomorrow is Halloween!! I can't believe there is only two months of the year left. It seems like this year has gone by fast. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my year to find love. There is still two months left so there may be hope but I don't think it will happen. I am still on a mission to find love. It is still hard to believe that I have been single going on 5 and a half years now. I never realized that I would be single this long but the years have came and gone. It still amazes me that I would have never imagined that finding love would be this hard. I always wonder about is there something wrong with me and what is it that has made me single for so long. I feel like I will never find the guy that was meant for me. Every time I meet a guy I feel like all he does is waste my time and I build false hope in my mind that this could possibly be the man for me until I wake up and realize I am wrong. Then I am back to square one again. It makes me sad and depressed because I feel like I deserve someone to love who will love me back just as much. I really can't believe how hard that is to achieve. I would love to get married one day but I can't even imagine myself getting married if that makes sense. It's hard to think of myself being married when I can't even get a man in my life, to actually call someone my boyfriend, I can't get anyone to ask me out on a date, and can barely even get a text back from a guy. My love life is very pathetic. I don't even know what to do. It really makes me sad. Nobody wants to grow old alone. I know I certainly don't want to. I'm ready to have joy and happiness in my heart which I get from my kids but its a piece missing that only the love of my life can fill. I feel like a lost cause. It just doesn't seem like love will happen for me. Is it that the loving ones end up alone? I know that I want more kids but I don't want to have anymore until I can find the love of my life and the man I am suppose to be with. It would be nice to be able to plan dates and birthday surprises and just have someone I can call my own and be clingy with and someone I can see and talk to all the time and not just once or twice a month. To be able to think to myself that I have someone in my life that I would hope isn't wasting my time would be a great feeling. Its just a sad and lonely process and I will be so thankful when it is finally over. It has really been a long time. I'm just ready to find love.