Living in a nightmare....

I feel like this is all a bad dream. I still can't believe its over between me and my boyfriend after 2 years. I hope I will be able to get over it in time but right now its still fresh and it hurts. It just sucks that my daughter has to deal with it. Even though she's not aware of what's going on. I wish it didn't have to be this way.  I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish there was some way I knew what to do different. I don't know its just crazy and I am still shocked. I have to try and hide my tears and its not easy. I wish I could just wake up and this nightmare would be over and everything would be fine and happy. Now today I am going apartment hunting. I just hope I will be able to get something soon. I have until the end of next month to find something but I need to know now where I'm going so I can tell the front office I'm leaving and so I can start packing. The sooner the better. Well I'm off of here to go start the search. Wish me luck. I hope everything will be ok.

I can't believe it.....

Well it looks like me and my boyfriend are no longer together as of today. I am hurt and crying as we speak. I wish I knew what went wrong. Lord knows I tried. I just really can't believe it. I put in over two years in this relationship and this is what I get. He has put me through a lot of pain in this relationship but I still stuck around. I just wish we could have worked it out for the sake of our daughter. I never wanted to be a single parent. I thought we would be together forever but I guess I was wrong. I just wish there was something I could do to fix what happened to make it get to this point. Looks like its just gonna be me and my daughter from now on. I just don't want it to be over. Now I have to start looking for a new place to live. The apartments I'm at now is almost $700 a month and there is no way I will be able to afford it on my own. Who knows maybe one day things will work out but until then I am officially single.

I hate violence....

It seems like it so much violence going on in the world. I hate it. Lately, the country is engrossed in the whole tragedy of Trayvon Martin and him being gunned down by a guy who was told to leave him alone and the crazy thing is the guy was acquitted for killing him which is a disgrace because he should be in jail right now. I just hope a higher power will do there best to get him off the streets. Another tragedy that happened back in 2009 was with Oscar Grant. I wouldn't even know about what happened to him if it wasn't for a movie coming out about what happened to him. There is a movie called Fruitvale Station coming out about Oscar being killed by a cop for no reason on the subway. There were a lot of witnesses and a lot of people recorded what happened. There are videos on the internet of the incident. I looked up what happened and apparently the cop who did only got 2 years in jail. I know I could not watch that movie knowing that its going to end sad. I'm sure it will be good but I'm not a fan of tragedy. It just seems like its so many people getting away with killing people who don't deserve it.

One of my fav. movies...

One of my favorite movies that came on the other day is You've Got Mail with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I always try to watch it when it comes on tv. It just seems so crazy how times have changed. With the internet and getting on the computer. In the movie, they use AOL and dial up. That's what we use to do when I was a kid. I miss those days. I'm glad we don't have to use dial up anymore because it was get on the internet or keep the phone line free. You couldn't be on the internet and receive phone calls at the same time and everyone didn't have cell phones back then like everyone does now. Everyone had landlines. The one thing I do miss about AOL is the chat rooms. They had all kinds of chat rooms you could go to now I don't even know how to find a chat room. Its like there are none anymore.

Friendless me.....

It sucks I know but I totally have no friends. I have one friend that I text on the phone every now and again but we don't hang out. I need friends to hang out with. I literally have no one. No one to go out to eat with or out to stores or something. How did my life get this way? I am the nicest person. You would think I have all these friends but no, no one. I had one friend who I met my first year in college. We were just starting to become close again while I was pregnant and the cool thing is we were pregnant together so we were going through it all together. I thought everything was going to be cool. We both had daughters and they were exactly a month apart born on the same day. Our daughters were suppose to best friends and grow up together. But sadly, she was killed while at a memorial for someone. I was shocked finding out while I was at work. I never lost anyone in that way before and it still hurts me to this day because I was with her the day before it happened. I will always be thankful to the LORD that I was able to see her before she left us. If I have another daughter one day I plan on naming her after her. I just really hate it that I don't have any friends. The only friend I really have is my boyfriend and we aren't even that close now and days hopefully that will change soon. Maybe one day I will actually start having friends, people to talk to on the phone. maybe go out to places with. It sucks being alone all the time I feel like I am always in the house with no where to go or be.

Puppy love....

A week ago, my boyfriend brought a puppy home. It seems crazy I have never had a dog before so its just weird to me but I can honestly say I love this dog. Its like another baby. I named her Shelly which is cool I get to name her what I wanted. I never expected to have a dog but I have said it years ago that if I had a dog I would name her Shelly because that's the nickname my sister would call me and I like the name Shelly Burger. If you are not familiar with music history, Shelly Burger was the Temptations former manager. I always thought it was funny a man being named Shelly Burger but I always liked it. I'm not sure what breed she is I will have to find out but it seems cool so far to have a dog. We want her to be a house dog so far so good. We'll see how things go with 2 kids in the house now....

I did it again.....

Hello, Looks like I did it again. Its been well over a year since I have been on here and posted. Well my daughter is officially 15 months today! Time sure does fly! I think in a year or so I will be ready for number 2. I just hope its another girl. However many kids I have I want all girls. Nothing against boys but I prefer girls. Especially with the experience I have had with my boyfriends son, I don't think I can handle a boy if he turns out to be like him. Anyway, I am STILL at my job that I have been at for over 3 1/2 years now. I am proud of myself that I have made it this long but I am actively searching for something better. I would like to get me some kind of administrative job somewhere. Preferably in a medical setting. I try my best to get on the computer when I can and look. Sometimes its not easy when most of the jobs it seems like you can do you don't qualify for because of experience. I'm sure a lot of people go through this when job hunting. How can I get experience when all the jobs say you have to have experience? Lord knows I'm trying to find a better opportunity for myself. The job I am at now is a dead end. I have been there almost 4 years and I feel its time to go. I deserve a job with better pay. I hate having to struggle check to check especially when its rent paying time all my money is gone. My boyfriend and I would love to get a house one day but I need to clean my credit report up before I can get a loan and start looking. I can't do that when I never have any extra money. The main reasons I am ready to leave my job is I want more money and I am in the low pay grade in my department. Everybody in my department makes more than I do and I am not exaggerating. Every single person that works in my department makes more than I do even the new people coming in start off making more than I do and its not fair. I feel like I work just as hard if not harder than most of the people up there. Everyday I go in there its like a slap in the face. Its not like I can quit. If a better opportunity would come along I would be out of there fast. Another reason is I want a Monday-Friday job I hate working weekends. I would be happy with a job that is no weekends and no holidays. And I need something that starts at 7 or 8 am. Right now, I am at work at 4 in the morning and have to depend on someone taking my daughter to daycare I want to be able to take her and pick her up and be home with her on the weekends. Its hard but I pray some of these jobs I apply to will start calling me in for interviews soon. I am ready to go.