A New Year.....

It is officially a new year. We are 12 days into the year and so far I can't complain. I am hoping that all the bad and negative stuff that I have had to deal with the past 2 years will stay in the past. I am still job hunting so far no call backs except for one and I need to get a hold of the lady tomorrow to see what she is talking about since I haven't answered or called her back yet. It's a little too early to say but I might have a guy in my life. I'm sure I have posted about him before in the past but its the guy I use to work with. I have known him over 5 years now and we have been attracted to each other for as long as I have known him but we have never been together because life got in the way and other relationships but we might actually give it a try. So far we have been texting each other everyday for about a week and we talked on the phone for 4 hours last night. Now it seems like all I do is think about him and I'm sure he does the same thing. I think the cool thing that we have in common is that we both have daughters the same age. I think it would be nice for us to have our daughters play together and I would like for my daughter to have someone outside of school her age to play with. I'm hoping things work out. It would be great to finally have a man in my life. I have been single for a year and a half I feel its time for me to get back out there. I think I feel comfortable of the fact that he has kids. I would feel awkward being the one with the kids. I also need to start looking for another dance school for my daughter. The one I had her in I don't think is going to work with my work schedule since it seems like the classes are all held during the morning and early afternoon. We'll see what this year will bring. I hope by the end of this year I will have a better job with better pay and hours and a good man in my life. Also, I hope I can get back in school. Time will tell.....

The year is almost over....

This year will be over in 4 days. I am looking forward to a new year. I pray that next year will be better than the past two years because I have definitely been through hell. I just want to leave all the bad things from the past two years in the past and move forward to hopefully better things. I'm hoping for a new and better job, hoping that my life will become more stable and that I will eventually be able to have a good man in my life. It totally sucks being alone. I have been single for a ear and a half and have yet to even go out on a date with anyone. I'm ready for that to change. The guy I have been talking to I never see because he lives up north and never comes down here and with two kids I can't jut drop everything to go up there. I would love to be in a good, loving, stable relationship with someone one day I just wish it didn't take forever to have that one person in my life. Praying that the new year brings better things in my life. Just waiting to see what the new year brings I just hope it's not more hell. I have two years of nothing but hell I just want to officially be over.

Holidays almost over....

Christmas has passed and I can say that this Christmas was better than last year. It would have been nicer if I had a man in my life. I'm glad I was able to watch all my Christmas movies this year. The only thing is I wasn't able to buy my daughter anything being off work and my disability hasn't came in yet. She didn't miss out on anything though thankfully. I do plan on buying her a couple late Christmas gifts when I get the money so I will still be getting her something. I hope next Christmas will be even better.

The job search.....

I finally have internet at home now so I have started my job search. So far I have applied to over 40 jobs but no interviews yet. It is still the holidays so hopefully once it's over I will start hearing from jobs although there have been some jobs that have rejected me already. I am so determined to find something better. I am gong to keep looking until I can't look anymore. I wish I knew of some good websites to look at. I always go to Indeed but I want somewhere else to look. I don't care much for CareerBuilder although I have applied to some jobs with them most of their jobs posted are through temp agencies. I don't care for Monster or Simply Hired either. If I had the choice I would want to stay on in the company I'm already at and instead of quitting I would just be transferring. I have been at my job for over 5 years now and I would love to continue my tenure there but it is hard getting a job there. It's like trying to win the lottery it's impossible. It's sad that it's hard for people who already work for the company and been there for years can have as much of a hard time getting a job as someone who doesn't even work for the company. I just pray that I will be able to start getting calls soon I am determined to get away from my sucky job I need more money I have two kids to take care of now and the little bit of money I make there isn't going to help plus it would be nice to get a job where I don't work weekends and that my start time is 7 or 8 in the morning so I don't have to be up at 3 or 4 in the morning. Just praying for a better, brighter day. Hopefully everything will work out and I will have a new job in the next couple of weeks.

December 1st......

I had my baby December 1st. I'm so happy she's here and that it's all over. It was a very emotional time for me being alone through the whole thing. It was an easy delivery. My water broke while I was on the toilet and it started from there. I went to the hospital went to triage first to make sure my water really broke then I went to see my daughter in the waiting room before she left. She couldn't stay since they had flu restrictions on kids under 18. I went to my room and was put on antibiotics which burned and just watched TV for the rest of the time. Only got up out of bed to go to the bathroom which sucked because my water kept coming out of me which is an uncomfortable feeling. I sat for hours without feeling any contractions. I was put on Pitocin to help my contractions but wasn't feeling any real pain until late at night around 11. About an hour later, I was able to get my epidural which felt weird getting than the first time. So I had to endure the pain of contractions until I got it and it hurt like heck but I made it through them. Even getting my epidural the contractions were getting me but I got through it. After I got it, I just sat and tried to rest while the nurse would come in and check on me. It was time to push at about 5:30am. I pushed her out and she was here at 5:39am. It took her awhile to start crying and they had called the emergency team in just in case but she was fine after awhile. I got cleaned up and after I ate breakfast and the doctor checked the baby, I went to my room to recover. I had a pretty awesome recovery. I wasn't in any pain at all. I could go to the bathroom and it didn't burn or anything. My recovery was completely different than the first time. I was in pain and it always burned when I went to the bathroom and when I walked it always felt like my uterus was gong to fall out of me. I haven't had an issues and didn't need pain meds or anything. I felt so good that if I could I would have went back to work a week later. She's been here almost a month and it hasn't been too big of an adjustment except for the being up at night. I m proud to say that I am breastfeeding which didn't work out the first time and I thin the problem was I had a manual pump and not an electric one. I have an electric one thanks to insurance so my baby is only getting breast milk. The only thing that sucks is that my baby doesn't have a dad and I'm going through taking care of two kids alone. I'm hoping one day the LORD will put a good man in my life who will be there for me and my kids but until then it's just us.

The home stretch.....

I am finally in the home stretch of my pregnancy. As of now, I have officially 11 days until my due date. I am so ready for her to get here. I'm tired of being pregnant. The waiting game totally sucks. I keep hoping that I start having contractions or my water breaks but so far nothing is going on. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and she said I was measuring 40 weeks but I'm still only dialated to 1 1/2 centimeters so not much is happening. I'm just trying to get everything cleaned up and together before things start happening. Hopefully I'll be in the hospital by next weekend. All I can do is wait and see what happens.

I hate being alone.....

I was just thinking about how lonely I am. I hate it. I barely have any friends and of course I don't have a boyfriend. So I literally have no one to talk to. Is it too much to ask to be able to have someone to confide in, someone to go out on dates with, someone I can depend on, I don't have much of a life. I'm always in the house. I never go out to restaurants or to the movies. I just go to work and go home. It just sucks so much. I can't wait for things to be different and I can be happy. I feel like I have been alone long enough.