Wish it could be like the movies...

Sometimes I wish my life could be like a romantic movie. I must admit I still kind of have a thing for my ex. I don't know if that makes me stupid or not. Even after everything we have been through I still have a little soft spot for him. I know we haven't been together in over 2 years now and he has moved on but sometimes I wish he would come to the realization that he is still in love with me and wants to be with me and would do everything in his power to prove to me that he loves me and would do anything to be with me and make our family work. I really miss having my best friend around. I have yet to meet a guy who I feel comfortable around enough to think of as a best friend. It sucks when you can't be with the person you want. I guess life can't be like the movies all the time.

Great news!.....

It's official!! I will be going back to school this fall. I just checked my email and my appeal was accepted. I'm so excited! I thought it would take a while to hear back but they sent an email Tuesday saying they received it then sent an email Wednesday saying it was accepted. It all took less than a week. I can not wait to start back. It said that I have to get a 2.0 gpa to be able to get my financial aid for the spring semester. This is my chance and I'm going to try not to blow it. I'm telling myself I better enjoy this month because once school starts back that's going to be my main focus and I know I won't be getting a lot of sleep. I am determined to come out with a degree. I have two kids depending on me to give them a better life and I plan on doing that no matter what. Sleep can wait. I'll sleep after I graduate. I do not plan on working a job living check to check the rest of my life. I want a career and to have a place I love to go to and to buy a house one day. I so can not wait! I have been out of school for a year now and I'm ready to get back to it again. I'm going to try my darndest not to screw up this time around.

2 years alone...

Well it's been 2 years since me and my ex broke up and I can't believe I am still single. I don't really have any men in my life. I wouldn't have thought I would have been single this long. If anything I thought me and my ex would have worked things out and got back together but that never happened. It sucks being alone all the time. No one to talk to, go out with, spend time with, laugh and have fun with, nothing. I realized the other day that one of the reasons I took my break up with my ex so hard was because he wasn't just my boyfriend but my best friend too. When I lost one, I lost the other. He was truly and honestly my best friend. We use to have fun together. Make each other laugh, joke around, high five and chase each other around. I really miss that. I hope the next guy I'm with I will have that with. Not just a boyfriend but a best friend I can feel comfortable doing anything around. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. 2 years has gone past so let's see how much more time goes past until I'm not alone anymore.

It's July....

I thought I would post since I haven't in 2 months. The job is still going great. It is a complete change from my last job and I am thankful for it. I love a job where you can go in and do what you have to do, chill out when your done and then leave when its time to go. No bosses breathing down your back and all the employees actually get a long. No fights and no telling as far as I know. I haven't had to work a weekend yet and its been nice but that's about to change in a couple weeks.  I will officially start working weekends in August. I can honestly say I don't feel too bad about it and I don't like working weekends. I only have to work one weekend every 2 months so I can't complain since it's better than every other and I know I'm only going to have about 2 hours worth of work both days so I'll be sitting around doing nothing unless I'm getting calls.

I'm trying to get back into school starting this fall and I hope I will be able to. I sent in my appeal letter for my financial aid on Friday so now I'm just waiting to hear back and I hope it's good news. I am ready to go back and I need my financial aid to be able to, without it, I'm not going to be able to go back because I can't pay out of pocket. I will probably have to enroll in another school if I can't get it back and I don't want to do that. I want to stay where I am. If I get to go back, I can forget about getting a lot of sleep because I will be pulling all nighters to make sure I'm getting my assignments done. I am determined to do better and get through school and graduate. I'm ready to get a good paying job so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck and to buy a house for me and my kids so we can get out of apartments. I just hope everything works out for me.

A month later...

Its been exactly a month since I last posted. My daughter is now taking her gymnastics class and a dance class which combines both ballet and tap. Next month, she will be taking two dance classes, gymnastics and swim lessons. She has a more busy life than I do. I found a place that offers music lessons in violin, viola, cello, and piano starting at age 3. I want her to learn violin and piano. I say the earlier the better. I just need to find out what all I need to do and the cost and times they offer lessons.

Well like I had stated in a previous post, I am ready to start dating again. It has been 2 years that I have been single and I am ready to get back out there and hopefully find the man of my dreams. I'm actually trying to give the guy who lives 3 hours away a chance. I'm thinking about dating him even though I am apprehensive about us living in different places but I'm sure we can make it work. He said he was planning on moving down here one day so we'll see what happens there. The one thing that interests me about him is the fact that we have been talking to each other for over a year and he is still interested in me even though I wasn't trying to give him the time of day for the longest time. I just hope he is an honorable guy and wouldn't lie to me or anything. From what I know he seems like a good guy, goes to church, is at church all the time because he does some work for them. I'm hoping he is a responsible guy. He seems to have a good job and the thing I like the most is that he is older than the other guys I'm use to. Right now, I'm just looking forward to dating, hanging out, getting to know each other better and having fun.

More Opportunities....

I want my kids to have more opportunities in life than I had. I have my daughter signed up for gymnastics and dance classes. I also plan on getting her involved in other things as she gets older. I might sign her up for ice skating lessons one day then music lessons. I want her to learn how to play the violin and maybe trumpet or some woodwind instrument. The only problem I have with that is finding a place that offers music lessons. When she's a little older I might get her involved with sports like volleyball and softball. I have all this stuff I want to get them involved in so that way they will grow up knowing how to do something and have a skill. Whether its gymnastics, dance, ice skating, music or sports. They will be an expert at something. I just want them to be in different activities and do things I never got to do as a kid. My mom never put me in activities when  was a kid. I learned how to play an instrument in middle school and if I hadn't then I wouldn't know how to do anything. I am excited to see what they will grow up knowing how to do.

Just some thoughts....

I haven't posted in 2 months so here's a few thoughts. Last month my daughter turned 3 years old. I can't believe she is 3. I think she had a good birthday. She had 4 cakes! One for school, one at home and two at her grandparents house for her birthday party. My birthday also passed and I can't believe I am so close to being 30 years old. It feels weird to even think that. I feel like I want to stay young forever. It kind of sucks that I'm not thinking about getting married since I am so close to 30 but I'm sure I will get there one day. I keep thinking that I have been single for almost 2 years! I haven't been in a relationship or anything since my ex. It was a part of me that held on to hope that one day me and him would work things out and get back together but I guess I was wrong. I can honestly say it sure would have been nice to have a good man in my life for me and my kids. I'm sure it will happen one day but it sure isn't easy taking care of two kids on my own. I didn't even get to rest after I got out the hospital from having my baby. I was out and about running errands and taking my daughter to school. It would be nice to be able to go out on dates but I have no one to go out with. Although I did meet a guy at work who I'm not too sure about. Plus after all the hell I went through with my ex I'm not looking forward to putting myself back in that situation again. I still have days where I cry because it is taking me a long time to get over everything I been through. Sometimes I can't think about it without wanting to cry. The pain is still deep inside me and is taking long to get out. I feel that everyday I'm getting better as time goes on. There was a point when I cried almost everyday so I'm making progress. I do pray that the lord will bless me with a good man who won't treat me bad and put me in a bad place like my last relationship. It's too bad my ex isn't a good guy. He isn't even there for my daughter. He comes and gets her every other weekend and once he brings her home he's not heard from again until the next time he picks her up. I think it sad. If he cared he would at least call or text every couple of days to check on her but he doesn't. He is so lame and the sad thing is he probably thinks of himself as a great dad and he's not. Too bad he can't see what I see.