Mission for Love...

Tomorrow is Halloween!! I can't believe there is only two months of the year left. It seems like this year has gone by fast. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my year to find love. There is still two months left so there may be hope but I don't think it will happen. I am still on a mission to find love. It is still hard to believe that I have been single going on 5 and a half years now. I never realized that I would be single this long but the years have came and gone. It still amazes me that I would have never imagined that finding love would be this hard. I always wonder about is there something wrong with me and what is it that has made me single for so long. I feel like I will never find the guy that was meant for me. Every time I meet a guy I feel like all he does is waste my time and I build false hope in my mind that this could possibly be the man for me until I wake up and realize I am wrong. Then I am back to square one again. It makes me sad and depressed because I feel like I deserve someone to love who will love me back just as much. I really can't believe how hard that is to achieve. I would love to get married one day but I can't even imagine myself getting married if that makes sense. It's hard to think of myself being married when I can't even get a man in my life, to actually call someone my boyfriend, I can't get anyone to ask me out on a date, and can barely even get a text back from a guy. My love life is very pathetic. I don't even know what to do. It really makes me sad. Nobody wants to grow old alone. I know I certainly don't want to. I'm ready to have joy and happiness in my heart which I get from my kids but its a piece missing that only the love of my life can fill. I feel like a lost cause. It just doesn't seem like love will happen for me. Is it that the loving ones end up alone? I know that I want more kids but I don't want to have anymore until I can find the love of my life and the man I am suppose to be with. It would be nice to be able to plan dates and birthday surprises and just have someone I can call my own and be clingy with and someone I can see and talk to all the time and not just once or twice a month. To be able to think to myself that I have someone in my life that I would hope isn't wasting my time would be a great feeling. Its just a sad and lonely process and I will be so thankful when it is finally over. It has really been a long time. I'm just ready to find love.

Trying makeup...

I am trying to teach myself how to put on makeup. I feel so late that it seems like something you should know how to do as a teenager but I was never taught how to put it on and to know what to buy. The one thing that was hard for me to figure out is the foundation and concealer. Its hard to know which shade is the right one. The only makeup that I know how to put on is mascara and eye shadow. I'm trying to watch Youtube videos to learn and I have tried a couple of times and it just doesn't look right. The girls in the videos makeup look natural and I'm trying to get to where it doesn't look like I don't have makeup on and right now it is looking like I put too much on. I'm going to keep trying until I can get as good as the girls in the videos. Hopefully it won't take forever to master.

Starting off good...

Well I completed my first round of the 28 day challenge and I think I did okay for my first go around. I did all of my exercises everyday that I was suppose to do until last Tuesday. I got out of it dealing with taking a test that took an hour to even get started and Wednesday and Thursday I didn't get home until after 8 because of activities at the kids schools so I was too tired and just wanted to relax. Friday I was just lazy and Saturday was suppose to be a rest day. Yesterday I did half of the exercises but in the end I lost a total of 11 pounds. So my goal for this 28 days is to lose more than 11. I'm trying to go for 15. The main thing I need to make sure I am doing is eating as healthy as I can. The one food I am addicted to is crab rangoon and I had a hard time leaving it alone so this time around I plan on eating it one time in the 28 days. I want to me able to eat salad the majority of the week. Anything I can do to lose this weight I am ready to do. I am definitely proud of myself for losing as much as did and can't wait to continue on this journey.

Goals for the next year...

It's hard to believe that this year is almost over. It is only 3 and a half months left of the year and I was thinking about the goals I want to have accomplished by this time next year. One thing I want to accomplish is losing weight. I have started a workout plan called RI28 and so far I have been on it for four days. RI28 stands for Results in 28 days so I am trying to see how much weight I can lose in 28 days. I have 24 more days to go and I have been doing good except today I went off my diet and ate a burrito and a little chocolate cake which I wish I hadn't of gotten because it wasn't all that good. I will be getting my workout in tonight which have been fairly easy except you have to do them four times but the point is to lose weight so I won't complain too much. Besides the burrito and cake I have been doing good eating wise. I have only been eating fruit and a salad. I am trying to see how much I can lose in the next two months so we'll see how good I do by the beginning of November and then we'll go from there. The next goal is I want to get my CCS. The CCS is Certified Coding Specialist and once I get that I want to get a coding job which will hopefully lead to more money and the chance to work from home. I have bought the exam prep book so when I have free time I can look at it as well as Youtube videos for tips. I am going to study the rest of this year so hopefully by the beginning of next year between January and March I can sit for the exam and if I pass I can start applying for jobs and I hope to get one by Summer. Another goal is by this time next year I should be in my last Fall semester of school and it has definitely been a long journey. I just have to make it through this semester and the Spring and then I will officially have two semesters left before graduation. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough to be in school. I feel like I have a hard time keeping up and I think apart of that has to do with working a full time job. I wish there was a way I could take school related time off of work to have more time to study and get work done without having to use time. I hope I'll will be able to complete my goals for the year. We'll see what happens...

School stress...

The fall semester is underway. I'm in week 3 and so far things are going good. Its hard to believe I am in my last 4 semesters. After this semester it will be 3. I can't wait until that last semester and then I will finally graduate. It has definitely been a long time coming. I can't help but stress and freak out about how I am going to take the math classes I need to take. Like I mentioned in my last post, I am trying to find a job where I can hopefully get off early enough to be able to take the classes in the afternoon. I am not trying to take an evening or a weekend class so that way I won't have to burden anyone with keeping my kids. I just keep thinking what if I do not find something in time before next semester which is when I need to take the first math class. If I could find a 5 am to 1 pm job I would be happy. It just sucks when you are looking and can't find anything in the time area you're looking for. I just hope something is out there for me but all I can do is keep looking until something comes along. I only have three months to find something and it makes me nervous that I won't find anything in time. I'm sure the three months will fly by quick I just hope something happens but the hard part is when looking for jobs most don't tell the hours and it sucks to apply to a job blind when you don't know all of the details. I'm trying not to stress out but it is hard not to. I just hope things work out for me in the end. That's all I can do.

Cancer scare...

I had a cancer scare. You wouldn't think at the age of 31 I would be thinking about cancer. Although, it isn't a specific age disease. It started with me having my annual check up with my gynecologist and I guess she felt something after she felt my neck. So I had to go and have an ultrasound done on my thyroid. Then I had to go to an appointment at an Ear, Nose, and Throat facility. The ultrasound showed that I had a nodule that measured at 1.7 cm and they suggest you to have a biopsy on anything over 1.5 cm. So I had to have a biopsy to see if it was cancer or benign. They say majority of the time it is benign. I went in to have my biopsy which was so annoying because my appointment was at 1 but I was sitting around for an hour and a half before I finally got to go back. They had to numb the area and it burned which was the hardest part of it. Then I think she had stuck 5 needles in to get a sample of the nodule. After it was done, it was sore for awhile the first day it was uncomfortable but after it started feeling better. After a couple of days, I received the results and it was benign. I still have a followup appointment to go to but as far as I know I am fine.

Hard hunting...

Why is it so hard for me to find jobs to apply to? I am looking for jobs to apply to everyday but can not seem to find anything. If I could, I would like to find something that would work around my school schedule. I would need to find something before the spring semester starts because I have math classes that I need to take and the only time I can take them is the spring and next fall semesters. I am in my last four semesters and I don't want to have to worry about taking a math class in my last semester before I graduate so the next two semesters are the only chances I have to take these math classes and I am trying to take them in the afternoon so I don't have to change anything in my kids schedule and have to find someone to keep them while I take the classes. I hope something will come along soon. I had applied to a job where I would have been able to get off at 12:30 on Tuesdays and Thursday but I never heard back about it. It really depressed me because I really wanted and needed that job and who knows if another job like that will ever come back around. It is hard to find a job with those kind of hours which is what I need to be able to take these classes. It is so frustrating trying to find a job especially one with hours that will work around school. If I could I wish I could work part time. Besides looking for a full time job, I am looking for some work from home jobs as well. I need the extra income so that I can start saving up for a house that I can get hopefully by the end of next year and to pay for all the classes I am signing my kids up to do. Hopefully, I can find the job that I am looking for by the beginning of December. That gives me 3 months to find something and I am not really hopeful because I feel like I have been applying and looking for jobs for months now with no luck at all. I try to think positive but it is not easy.