Heading to December...

I can't believe it is almost December. It will be officially December in 2 more days. My baby's birthday is on the first she will be the big 3. It is hard to believe 3 years have came and gone already. The girls are getting so big and I pray the LORD blesses me with more kids one day. On Sunday, I went to go see Janet Jackson and it was an awesome show. I kinda wish I could see it again and get closer seats. I was in the 8th row so close to the stage but hopefully the next concert I go to I can be even more closer to the stage. I went with the guy that has pretty much turned into my go to guy for dates although I wish it could be more than that. I feel like there is something there between us and it is funny to me because it seems like we both want to kiss each other but neither one of us want to make the first move or we are scared to go there. As long as I have known him, which has been since April, all we have done is hug which is cool but it would be nice if we could be more affectionate to each other. I guess it would be better to wait until we got to a point where we are more than just dates. I was just thinking that it would be cool if we spent New Years Eve together and we could share our first kiss at midnight and maybe officially become a couple and start the New Year off as boyfriend and girlfriend. I think that would be so awesome if that were to happen.

Nothing yet...

It's been awhile again since I posted. I hate slacking and letting so much time pass. Still haven't found another job yet unfortunately but maybe the right one will come along one day but I guess its not happening right now. The Fall semester is almost over and I think I have been doing horrible. Some stuff I haven't been turning in because of procrastination or just not knowing what to do. I am hoping that I will do better and do the best I can before the semester is over. I can't believe the year is almost over, only less than 2 months and it will be the new year. Still single. Doesn't look like I am going to be getting a man anytime soon and I am okay with that. The two guys that I was talking to, one of them I still talk to every now and again but I haven't seen him since September. The other guy ghosted on me. I have no idea what happened to him and why he stopped talking to me all of a sudden. I really thought he was interested in me and I haven't seen or heard from this guy in months but at least I was able to get a computer out the deal. The other guy I still talk to, I wish he would be my boyfriend and one day my husband. It just seems like we both want the same thing and he is a good guy but I feel like I am not what he is interested in because if he were interested then I would assume we would hang out more than we do. Plus I always feel like I am the one who initiates a conversation. It would be so lovely if I could finally find a guy who would chase after me, initiates conversations, and ask me out instead of the other way around. I feel like I am always the one doing the most and I feel like it should be the man. I think that is why I am done with guys for now. The right guy just never seems to come around. I have been single almost four and a half years. How much longer am I going to be single? I hope its not another four but I feel like with the way things are going I will probably end up being a cat lady. Old and alone. I feel like the older I get the more I should have someone to be able to spend my life with. I still would love to have a couple more kids but only with my husband so hopefully it is possible to meet a guy if I haven't already met him, spend time with each other and get to know each other, get married, enjoy being married for awhile before we start having kids and enjoy the rest of our lives together, as long as divorce doesn't come in. I just hope within the next 2 to 3 years I will be married. I am not getting any younger and the older I get the window to having more kids start to close.

Trying to shake things up this month...

I just realized I hadn't post not once in the month of July. Anyway, I have been applying for jobs since April in last week I started getting job interviews. I had one yesterday which I think went pretty good but then you never know if you were good enough. All I can do is pray that they call me because I really want that job. It is a Monday-Friday 7-3:30 job which is what I need. I will be able to get my 40 hours which is one of the reasons why I'm trying to get another job. I have another interview this Friday at the same place but it is a different position. I'm not sure if it is Monday-Friday, I assume it is and the hours are 9-5:30. I am not to fond of those hours but if they offer me the job and I don't get the other one then I will do it. a girl at my job had an interview last week for a job that she wanted and found out today that she got it. I just hope I'll be able to have some good news by next week.

The summer semester is finally over and I did a horrible job. Out of the three classes that I took, I only passed one so the other two I am going to have to take over. I hate that I have to waste time retaking classes. I just hope I will be able to graduate on time. So I will have to be pulling a lot of all nighters. The fall semester starts in a week and a half and I am ready to get started, although, I am enjoying not having to worry about getting school work done. I just hope I will be able to stay focused and make it through all of my classes. I just need to pass with a C and then it will be on to the next semester.

Ready for a new job...

I'm ready to leave my job. I like my job and I'm thankful I was giving the opportunity to be there but it would be nice to find a job where I can feel like I fit in. I don't feel like I fit in at my job and it sucks. I feel like I am not needed and that I am being used. In the almost year that I have been there, I have learned that my job is pretty much a one person job not a two person job and the lady I work with can pretty much do everything by herself. I believe the only reason I am there is for when she calls in, or takes a day off, or is on vacation. That's the only time I feel appreciated. I don't even work a full 40 hours a week so it makes me wonder if it is time for me to move on. I keep trying to find jobs to apply to and I have applied to a couple but so far no luck has come my way. I applied for a ob at my old company which I would love to go back to because I never wanted to leave in the first place. I applied to the job 2 months ago and so far haven't heard anything about it. Everyday I keep hoping I'll get a phone call or email but nothing after two months. The job is still posted so I don't know what is going on and I wish there was a way I could find out. I'm still praying everyday that the day will come that I hear something. I want that job so I can get out of the job I am in and I will be closer to school plus I can work for the company that I plan on working for when I graduate. It just sucks having to wait. I really hope, wish, and pray I can get that job and go somewhere and feel wanted.

Should I give up?...

Why do I always feel like when I like someone I always get the cold shoulder? The guy I am interested in is becoming hard to get to know now. It seemed like everything was going great between us until it came time for him to go on vacation. He was suppose to come hangout with me before he left since we weren't going to get to see each other that weekend and he said he was coming but never showed up and I never heard from him but I figured he probably went to sleep. He still never apologized or gave an explanation and I never brought it up because I didn't want him to think it bothered me. Then he went on vacation and I barely heard from him at all. So for a whole week he literally ignored me which I understand you're on vacation but still you're not that busy every second of the day that you can't say hi. After his trip, he says he doesn't really talk to anybody when he's on vacation unless its his girlfriend or parents. I just feel like I try to keep the lines of communication open with him to continue to get to know him but I don't think he feels the same way. I was hoping that things would go back to normal once he came back from his trip but nope. I try to text him and it seems like it takes forever for him to respond back. I feel like I need to back away from this guy before my ego gets more bruised. It sucks because I really like this guy. It always seems like I have a hard time when it comes to finding a boyfriend. When am I going to find a guy who is interested in me to where he keeps texting me and wanting to get to know me? I always feel like I do more than the guy I want the guy to do more than me. I'm guessing its not my time to find that guy but if I'm lucky things will change and we'll start talking more. I can only hope....

In strong like...

The guy that I have mentioned in my previous post that I met on Plenty of Fish is still around. It has been almost 6 weeks since I started talking to him and we are still talking. We have even hung out a couple of times. The first time he came over to my place and we chatted for awhile, maybe about an hour before he went home because he had been out all day so he was tired. I was glad he came even for a little while because at least the awkward meeting face to face for the first time was over. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be. The second time we hung out on Memorial Day. I thank the LORD for allowing me to get the opportunity to get to go out with him. We went downtown and just walked around it was fun. We talked and joked around. The awkward part was when we were almost done walking we ran into his ex/daughter's mother and his daughter and I think it was his cousins. It was definitely unexpected but not bad. My first real date in years and I'm glad I got to do it with an awesome guy. I am looking forward to getting to hang out with him again. He is a very sweet guy. One of the nicest guys I have met in a long time. I am hoping I will get to see him again this weekend since next weekend is out of the question because he will be out of town. I am just so thankful for having the opportunity to get to hang out and I am looking forward to more times. I'll have to wait and see what happens between us but I am hoping for good things. I have waited a long time for a good man like him to come into my life and he is finally here. I just hope he is as good of a guy as I think he is so far. All I know is I am looking to spend a lot more time with him in the future. I just hope this is the real thing and not a dream that I have to wake up from one day. It feels good to be in like with someone. I feel like I think about him all day every day and just daydreaming about being with him. LORD willing this man will be my boyfriend one day and if the time ever comes it will feel so weird because it has been a long time since I have called anyone let alone had a boyfriend but it will be so great to have someone to talk to whenever I want to talk or he want to talk, someone to go out and do things with, and someone to joke around with. I miss having that in my life. A little bit everyday I start feeling like I am not lonely thanks to him. I also deleted my Plenty of Fish and Tinder apps off my phone because I feel like I met the person that I was looking for and who I was meant to find so I don't need to talk to anyone else. He told me when we were last together that he deleted his too which made me get rid of mines although I was thinking about getting rid of them anyway I decided after he told me he got rid of his. I feel like I'm starting to feel a little more joy in my heart thanks to him and it feels good to listen to love songs and feeling like I can sort of relate to them. I can't wait to see where things go as the weeks and months go by. I pray that I will be able to get what I want and for us to go from just friends to boyfriend and girlfriend to possibly husband and wife. All I know is that we are definitely taking things slow and are not trying to rush into anything. We are just trying to enjoy the getting to know each other stage before we start thinking about anything else and I like it this way because I don't want to rush into anything. I think its good that we take our time and get to know each other. It seems kind of old fashioned but I like it this way. I definitely would want us to just be friends and get to know each other and have fun without any expectations.

Single parenthood...

Single parenthood sucks!! I don't regret my kids at all but it is definitely hard to have a life when you have kids around all the time. I want to be able to go out on dates and have a night out every once in awhile. I am interested in this guy I met on Plenty of Fish and we have been talking the past two weeks and it would be nice to be able to go out with him so we can hang out in person and not just be chatting on the phone all the time. I just don't want him to lose interest in me because I may seem like I am never available. I wanted to go out with him tonight but I don't have anyone to keep my kids so I am stuck in the house. I just hope I will be able to go out with him next weekend or the weekend after. I really don't want to miss the chance of getting to know this guy because I have kids and miss out on the guy who could be the one. I feel like just because I have kids doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to have a life and go out every now and again. I haven't been out of the house and had fun since last July. Now that I have a guy that I am interested in, I want to be able to go out every now and again. Hopefully things will work out. If this guy was meant to be in my life then I still have a chance.