Finally found out.....

Well yesterday, I found out the sex of my baby. Needless to say I was nervous because I didn't want to go through gender disappointment if it turned out to be a boy. I just didn't know what I would do if I had a boy and I want my daughter to have a sister. I found out that I am having a GIRL!!! You do not know how relieved I was to find that out. That's what I prayed for and it is what I got. I am so happy. I feel like this is the first time I have really been happy during this pregnancy. I'm sure I will go back to be being sad eventually but right now I am happy because I am getting my other girl. I had a feeling that I would have another girl even though I was nervous. I feel like it was genetics. On my mom's side of the family, my grandma had two girls and her daughters( my aunt and mom) had two girls so I had a feeling it would happen to me too. I'm sure glad it did. Now I can focus on getting my apartment together and I'll worry about getting stuff for this baby in a few months. The doctor told me I will probably end up having this baby earlier than my due date because I am measuring early. I just hope I don't miss Thanksgiving, that would so suck. Another thing I need to figure out is what I am going to name this baby. I have only been thinking about the name Robin. I like that name for some reason so I will probably end up using it. The one thing that weighs heavy on me is if I am going to have to deliver this baby by myself. I don't remember if I mentioned it in a previous post but there are two possibilities of who the father of my baby is. One is the guy that I went to go see in Chicago and the other is my ex. I am literally confused of who it could be because I messed with both of them a week apart. Stupid I know, but it happened. The guy in Chicago I messed with a couple days after my time of the month was over so I didn't think it could be him. I automatically assumed it was my ex's but then he started putting it in my head that it's either him or the other guy so now I'm sitting here confused everyday not knowing who my baby's father is and it sucks. As much as I dislike my ex right now it's a part of me that wants it to be his so I can prove to him that its his and he put me through all this hell for nothing plus I want my kids to have the same dad. I don't want my kids to have two different dads. Then again its a part of me that wants it to be the guy in Chicago because he has shown to really care about me although it freaks me out because we have barely spent anytime with each other so it makes me wonder how he is so sure about his feelings for me. I have told him a lot that all I want is friends right now since I don't see myself in a place to be in a relationship with anybody right now but he seems to be waiting for me which I don't understand since we live in two different places and he could be with anybody he wants to up there where he could see them anytime he wants to. I'm flattered but scared at the same time because I feel like every guy that I have had anything with has hurt me one time or another and I am not looking forward to it happening again especially after all the crap my ex has put me through. I do think that if this baby turn out to be his, it would bring us closer together. So I guess we'll see what happens. But I do feel like I am going to be in the hospital by myself having this baby. I have been going through this pregnancy all by myself so far its looking like I'll be all by myself all the way to the end unless something changes in the next couple of months before its time for me to have her. All I can do is wait and see.