Hopeful future plans....

Now that I have officially been excepted into school, I can start planning my classes. The email that they sent me said I have to sign up for orientation and to take my placement tests. I am so determined to make something of myself. Everyday I go to work and I dislike my job so much. I want to be able to have a career and not just a job. I want to be happy to go to work everyday and not dread it. I want  to be able to make good pay and not the little bit of money that I am making now. I feel like I have to struggle everyday with the little bit of money I bring home every 2 weeks. I want to be able to live comfortably and be able to take care of my family one day and not have to live check to check the rest of my life. I see all the older people at my job and I do not want to be like them in my 40s and 50s stuck at a job making minimum wage and can't find anything better. I refuse to have my life turn out that way I'm glad I am still young enough to make something of myself. I know it is going to be hard work but ready for the challenge. Its going to be a long road but it will pay off in the end.

So excited!!.....

I'm so excited I just can't believe it. I just found out about 2 hours ago that I got excepted to college. A 4 year college that I will be attending to get my bachelors in. I can't wait to start. I have 3 more months of relaxation, come January, I will officially be back in school. Previously, I was going to a community college but haven't attended in the past year because I lost my financial aid from dropping and failing classes and I haven't been able to pay out of pocket as much as I tried to. I didn't want to go for my bachelors until I had got my associates but since I was having so much trouble getting done without financial aid I figured I might as well go ahead and get started on my bachelors now that way I should be able to get my financial aid back and since I lost a year at my other school might as well start fresh in another school. Luckily, my credits transfer over so some of my classes I won't have to take over again. I do know I am going to have to take the dreaded math classes and they require you to take 2 classes. I already know when I take the placement test for math I am going to test low and have to start at the lowest class which means I'll have to take 3 math classes which will totally suck but I am ready for it. I still can't believe I am going back to school I know I am determined to make something of my life and not make minimum wage the rest of my life. I'll continue this in my next post....

My Daughter....

I just wanted to do a post on my daughter. I love spending time with her. Its just fun being able to play with her everyday. I can't wait until she gets older so we can do even more things together although I am not in that big of a rush for her to get older I like her being a baby. I always look at her baby pictures and still can't believe how big she is now. I wish she was still a newborn. I feel like I can't wait to have more babies so that I can have another little one. No rush though but I can't wait to expand my family but hopefully the next time I will be married. Its too bad her father decided to leave us. He is missing out on so much it sucks but I can't feel too bad about it since it was his choice to leave. I guess this is what he wanted not to be there for his daughter everyday. I guess I was such a horrible person to be with that he didn't even want to be around to watch his daughter grow up. All I can say is its his loss. Anyway, I hope I have nothing but girls in the future when I have more kids. I can't even imagine having a boy, although I would welcome a boy, I would rather have all girls. I guess we will find out when the time comes until then no rush.

Trying to move on.....

Well I am still having a hard time with my break up. I'm starting to feel a little bit better about the whole thing. I don't cry everyday anymore thankfully but it still hurts to think about everything. I'm trying to move on the best I can but its not that easy when you lost someone you planned on spending the rest of your life with. There is this guy at my job that I am interested in and I think he is interested in me too. I hope I am not reading the signals wrong. It seems like he flirts with me when I do get to see him so I guess we'll see what happens. He asked me the other day if I had a special guy in my life and I told him unfortunately not and he was surprised about it. He asked me if I thought all guys were dogs and I said pretty much. He said that all guys weren't dogs and I told him that hasn't been proven to me yet so he said that we'll have to work on that. I assume he meant that he was going to prove to me himself that all guys weren't dogs so we'll see. The only thing is I don't see him that much. We work in the same department but in different places so I don't get to see him a lot. I want to be able to get to know him. First thing I need to do is either get his number or he get mines then we can get to know each other maybe start going out on dates. I feel like I spend my free time fantasizing about him and possibly having a future with him but first I think I should find out if he is even seeing anyone before I even attempt to even get his phone number. I have been waiting to get this weekend over and ready to go to work so that I can hopefully see him to talk to him and hopefully get his phone number or him get mines. The last two days at work I didn't see him at all so I have between Monday and Thursday to see what I can do. This guy is older than me though. I am sure he is somewhere in his 30s but I am not sure how old he is I will totally need to find out. Thankfully this day is almost over and I can go to work tomorrow and hopefully see him. That's all I am looking for right now is just someone to get to know and to date not even thinking about sex right now. I am not thinking about sex until we have had a chance to get to know each other better. I feel like I want it to be special and nothing to just rush into. I am going to try Steve Harvey's 90 day rule. His rule is based on when you start a new job you are on probation for 90 days before you can get any benefits  so the same thing will work in a relationship wait at least 90 days to see if the guy is even worthy enough for me to share that part of myself with him. But like I said I am just interested in getting to know him for now and I think it really interest me that he is older. I am use to only dating guys around my age never really considered dating anyone significantly older than me but I totally am game to try.

Wish me luck

Suicide thoughts.....

Sometimes I feel like I understand what people go through when they have suicidal thoughts. When they feel like their life is just crap and they want to get out of feeling pain and depression. I feel like that now. Where you are sad all the time and want to stop feeling that way. Although I couldn't see myself doing that because I have my daughter to live for and plan on having more children in the future but I can totally understand how it feels to be suicidal.

Ready to get back on my feet....

Right now, I'm going through a tough time in my life. Hopefully, things will get better. Currently I am staying with my grandma which is cool because I can just worry about saving money but I am so ready to have my own space. I applied to go back to school in the Spring. Still waiting to hear about that. I sent in my application and had to send in my transcripts. I requested them from my previous schools but just waiting on the school I am wanting to go to to get them. I am just ready to go to school and get done. The last school I was at I lost my financial aid and missed out on going to school for a year because I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket. I'm just trying to better myself and be able to get a job where I am making some decent money. I also hope that if I get to keep my job since they are about to go through layoffs, that my boss let's me change my job title so that I can start making more money. I would like to stay there so that I can go to school in the afternoons but if I have to I will find me another job. Just ready for things to start getting better for me. I am just not in a good place in my life right now.

Life is all bad....

My life sucks right about now. I am still having issues with my ex. After being broken up for a little over 2 months now it still hurts. The bad part is, is he has a new girlfriend already. we were together for over 2 years and lived together. It is just hard to believe that he could move on to someone else so fast. I couldn't imagine doing that. My heart is still with him so I couldn't see myself jumping into another relationship after my future was suppose to be with him. Is it wrong for me to want to be with the man I gave my heart to and had a child by? All I want is my family together. I feel so stupid because I am still crying over this guy and he is not even thinking twice about me. I just wish I could wake up and my life was back to the way it was and I had my family back together and the man that I fell in love with but that does not look like it is going to happen. I'm in so much pain it sucks. I just don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be happy. I wish it was as easy for me to move on as it was for him. Hopefully I will start to feel better soon but right now I'm not and who knows how long it will be before I do.