The man I like....

This post is dedicated to the man I hope, God willing, to have a future with. I feel like he is all I think about all the time. It honestly confuses me that no woman has snatched him up. It makes me wonder if he has any problems. I actually asked him yesterday and he said no but that is still to be seen. I really don't get it he seems to have his life together, seems responsible because he takes care of his daughter all the time so he's definitely not a part time dad he is part of his daughter's life fully, he has his own house not an apartment but a house and a pretty big one at that, he is very well educated a Morehouse man, and not to mention he is very good looking so I can not understand why he is single and no woman has taken him off the market. He seems to have a lot to offer and he wants to get married and have a family. I hope that one day I will be the one to take him off the market. He seems like a really great guy and someone I can have a long future with. I was thinking yesterday that how did I become lucky to get to know someone like him. We just randomly started talking to each other on the Internet and now he is someone I like and pray that I can claim him as my own one day. The only problem is it seems like we never have time to see each other between my job, his job, me taking care of my daughter and him taking care of his plus me staying with my granny it just doesn't seem like much time for us to spend with each other one on one but I'm sure one day everything will work itself out. I could be thinking too much but I was thinking that he had to be put in my life for a reason and hopefully not just for a season. Maybe this is God or someone's way of putting an actual good man in my life to make up for all the crap I went through with my ex. It might be wishful thinking but I hope he is here just for me. But like I keep saying, all I can do is wait and see what happens. We're still in the getting to know each other stage but I'm hoping that this is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. If it is, I will be thanking the Lord everyday for allowing me to have this man in my life.

Good and bad news......

Well I have good and bad news about the guy I like. The bad news is I didn't get to go on my date with him. It bummed me out because I was so excited about it and had went all out to be ready for it. The good news is I still was able to go and see him. He invited me to his house to watch movies. I was glad I at least got to see him because the reason I wanted to see him was so I could see if there was any chemistry between us, to see if my feelings for him from just writing each other was real. My instincts were right. I genuinely like him and I'm glad I was able to find out. The crazy thing is when he called me I wasn't nervous talking to him. That was the first time I had talked to him on the phone before that we always texted. When I got to his house I was only nervous for a second. From the time I got out the car to the time I got to the door was the only time I was nervous once I got in the door I was fine. I went in and we watched two movies. The first one was Grown Ups 2 which was funny glad I got to see it. While watching the movie I enjoyed the closeness we had with each other. The second movie we watched was Evolution with David Ducovney and Orlando Jones. It came out in 2001 but I don't think I have ever seen it. It was a pretty good movie. Through the movies we talked and cuddled and just enjoyed each others company. I honestly didn't want to leave him and I wish I didn't have to. I just hope there will be more chances for us to spend time with each other. I really like him and I just don't want to be jumping the gun on anything since it's too soon to tell what is going to happen with us but I don't want to lose the opportunity of getting to know a good guy and he could possibly be the guy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I just pray that God put this man in my life for a reason. It's a part of me that thinks we were meant to find each other. After my last relationship I feel like I'm scared to give anyone my heart. I did that and you see how that turned out. I don't want to get into a relationship and have to go through the lying and cheating that I dealt with. I don't want to invest time getting to know someone and get to know them and their family and then after everything we had been through over the years he walks out and treats me like we weren't once in love and meant something to each other. I don't want my past to interfere with my future but it's hard when you have been hurt so bad it makes you think every guy is going to treat you that way. I don't want to go through trusting someone then losing it. All I want is God to send me a genuine and sincere man who will love me for me and will not judge me for my flaws. Someone who has their head on straight and knows what he wants in life. Someone who I can see myself marrying and building a family with. Someone I know who will love me, take care of me and our family and be there no matter what. That's all I want but I know that I don't want to lose this guy I would love if I could have him in my life. I don't know if it is apart of God's plan for me but all I can do is wait and see what my future holds.

Excited and Nervous....

I am so excited! My date is tomorrow and I can't wait. I got everything together that I need for it. I went shopping today and bought a couple outfits. I made sure I got my pea coat and I bought a black beret to go with it because I think I look good in one especially when my hair is straight. I got my jewelry, I got makeup I am good to go. Now all I have to do is wait for it to be tomorrow evening and I can get myself together. I need to figure out what I am going to wear. I bought a pair of jeans and some leggings and two shirts to go with each and now I need to figure out what I am going to wear. I'm thinking about the jeans since it is going to be cold I should wear those instead of the leggings. I just hope everything works out. That is the nerve wrecking part. I really like this guy. I know we haven't officially met yet but we have been talking to each other for two weeks and it just seems scary that we are finally going to meet each other and I want to make a good first impression. As excited as I am, I know when its that time for us to get together I will be shaking inside. All I have to do is be myself and everything should work itself out.

Things to come....

Looks like I will be busy these next couple days starting today and going until Sunday. Today, I am so excited I go to my orientation for school. I have waited over a month for this day to get here and its finally here. School will be starting in less than 2 months I can't wait. Can't believe November is almost over. It is only 8 days left and it will officially be December. I think it is all going to go by fast. Thanksgiving is next Thursday and less than 4 weeks from that it will be Christmas. After Christmas is over, I can focus on getting ready for school which will start less than 3 weeks after Christmas. I am so ready to get started! Saturday, I have to work since this is my weekend to work but after I get off I will be heading to go do a little shopping. I have to go to Toys R US to put some more money towards my daughter's Christmas layaway then I will be going shopping for myself to see if I can find a couple outfits to buy. Sunday, I might get to hang out with my bffs after I get off of work and then Sunday evening I have a date. Yes a date with the guy I talked about in my post about Online Dating. He finally wanted to exchange numbers and ever since then we have texted each other everyday and talked about a lot just getting to know each other. I'm glad he finally asked for it so I am not sitting on that website all day everyday waiting for him to write me now we can talk to each other anytime we want to. It definitely works for me with the texting because we can say whatever we want to say to each other and don't have to worry about sitting on the phone with each other and have to endure that awkward silence of us trying to think of something to say to each other which I hate. We are meeting up for drinks and to talk and get to know each other which is the reason why I need to go shopping Saturday because I don't think I have anything nice to wear. I am excited but I am so nervous too. It seems like you get that nervous feeling when you have to meet someone new. Its kind of like a blind date except we know what each other looks like and have talked to each other the past 2 weeks. It makes me nervous because I want things to work out. I feel like I really like him from just talking to him I can't make a real opinion until we actually meet and spend time with each other but I really want things to go well and for us to spend more time with each other and get to know each other and build a connection. I don't want what happened to the last guy to happen with this guy, spend time talking to each other and then when you meet them realize that there is no chemistry and then you're back at square one. So I just pray that everything works out and we end up having a good time and liking each other and going from there. A pretty busy weekend indeed. Getting ready for my orientation now but looking forward to Sunday night.

Ready to get started....

I am soooo ready to start school. I start in less than 2 months and I can't wait. I already went to take my placement test last Friday and now I am just waiting to go to my orientation which is next Friday. I am ready to start and am determined to make something of my life. I am ready to get through so I can graduate and get me a good paying job. I hate where my life is right now and I don't want it to be like this for years to come. I want to have a stable life and a good paying job where I will be able to take care of myself, my daughter and my future family. It's so hard waiting even though it is so close. 2 months to go......

Online Dating.....

I wonder how successful it can be to date someone you meet online. I have went on a website and started talking to a couple people online. I looked up men between the ages of 26-40. The first guy I talked to sent me a message and told me a couple things about himself. He said that he had 2 associates degrees, he owns his own business and he is 29 years old. We talked on the phone and texted for a week before we met each other. He invited me to his house which I think is strange to invite someone to your house that you barely know and who you met online. I could have been a crazy person. I went over there and we talked and watched a movie. He lives in a house with his dad and sister. Things went a little far but I realized he wasn't really my type. It was at least nice to feel wanted by a guy. I hadn't felt wanted by a guy in months and it was nice to have someone to be with if only for a little while. He seems like a really nice guy and everything but doesn't seem like my type. I guess he realized I don't seem interested in him because I haven't heard from him in a couple days. Another guy that I am talking to right now I feel that I am very interested in. He seems like a very interesting guy. What I know about him so far is he is 30 years old, he has a 4 year old daughter, has his own house, works for the state, and has a bachelors degree, and a law degree and is working on getting another degree so he is very educated. I don't know any guy who is that educated so that really attracted me to him. I enjoy talking to him and I feel like I sit on the website just to wait for him to write me back everyday. I would like it if we could exchange numbers so that I don't have to be sitting on the website waiting to hear from him all day everyday but I honestly don't mind us writing each other. I'm really enjoying just getting to know him. He told me he passed out candy for Halloween and I don't know anyone who passes candy out for Halloween and he enjoys the Christmas holiday as much as I do. We'll see what happens but I hope something good happens he seems like someone I would be interested in. Only time will tell......

So hard to wait.....

I have been job hunting this whole year and it is amazing how hard it is to get a job. I have applied to over 100 jobs and still nothing. I am just determined to get out of my dead end job and go somewhere that I can be appreciated and earn more money. I can't even get an apartment because of the little money I make. That is why I am stuck living with my grandmother because I am on the waiting list for low income apartments and the waiting is torture. I have been on the waiting list for 3 1/2 months now. I wonder how much longer I am going to have to wait. Too bad I can't move out west or something. It seems like all the decently priced apartments are either out west or out south and I can't go that far. I am trying to stay around the area that I have always been but it is hard. If I could just get me a decent paying job then I would be able to get any apartment that I want with no problems. I have applied to a couple of jobs today that I have found on Indeed. Now I am looking on Simply Hired to see if there is anything else I can apply to. It is so hard and torturing to be waiting by the phone for someone to call between waiting on getting another job and trying to get an apartment it seems to make things stressful. I feel like I am hoping for a Christmas miracle and that I will be able to get an apartment and a job by then. I will settle for one or the other I just want something to happen soon. Christmas is less than 6 weeks away so all I can do is pray for a miracle and wait and see if anything happens.....