It is almost time!!.....

It is almost Christmas time!!! I can't wait. I love Christmas! I just keep thinking about how nice it would be when I have my own family to have my own Christmas with them. Me, my husband and our children celebrating the holiday together and starting our own family traditions. That's one of the reasons I look forward to having a big family. When it comes to holidays like Christmas, it will be nice to be able to celebrate with them. It is just one of the many dreams I have about having a family. I can't wait until then. Looking forward to my future. Just have to wait for the man of my dreams to come into my life if he hasn't already.

Time to work out.....

I am officially getting ready to join a gym. It came to me the other day when I was getting myself something to eat in a plaza and there was a random place set up in one of the buildings there. I guess it was a makeshift registration for it because they are building the actual gym in the plaza. I didn't go in but I just thought when did this get here because I didn't remember it there when I was last over there. Afterwards, it made me think that I am going to join that gym. It is going to become a Planet Fitness which I think is the cheapest place you can find for a gym membership. It is only $10 a month and I am definitely going to take advantage of it. I have been needing to get my exercise on for the longest and now I can. Sometime this week I will go up there and register and find out when that gym will be opening up. I am just determined to lose my stomach. It is the only thing on my body that bugs me more then anything. I never truly started working out after I had my baby so it still kind of looks like I am pregnant. I have lost some weight the past couple months so I am proud of that but now I really just want to work on flattening my stomach. It is the only thing that makes me the most self conscious about myself. Luckily, it is almost Christmas time because after Christmas is when I want to get serious about it and then hopefully by the summer time I will look a little different weight wise. I am just over 200 lbs. so my goal is to lose 20 lbs. and after that we will see and I need to go back to drinking water. I do drink water but not as much as I should. I am excited to get started. My plan is to go everyday after I get off work and then when I start school I can go on the days I don't have class which is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then I'll try and go on the weekends if I get the chance. So at least between going to the gym and being in school I'll be able to keep myself busy.

Alone forever......

Why do I feel like I am going to be alone forever? Is there a man out there for me somewhere? I wish I knew. It just sucks being alone all the time. I just wish I had someone to be with, spend time with, talk to. I feel like I am just alone all the time. I don't have anybody to go out and do things with. It just sucks when I have the opportunity to have time to go out, I have no one to turn to. I know God has a man out there for me somewhere but sometimes it is just hard to wait to see when he will come around. Its not like I'm desperate for anybody but I'm just waiting on that one special guy that God has in store for me. I'm kind of hoping that its the guy that I am interested in but it still seems like nothing is going anywhere with this guy. Still no dates and it kind of seems like he barely talks to me. I feel like I do all of talking. I really like him and he seems like everything I could ever ask for someone I could spend the rest of my life with but things are going so slow and it seems like things are going no where between us as much as I want them to. We have been talking to each other for over a month and it doesn't seem like we are working towards becoming anything to each other. Right now, all I want is for us to grow as friends. I want us to be able to talk to each other about any and everything, be able to go out with each other and have fun, just work on possibly becoming best friends in the future and that will lead to us becoming even more. If only things were that easy for me. I am trying to hold on to hope and faith that everything will work out but it is extremely hard when I am alone all the time. It is not fun being alone, not having anyone to confide in, go out and have fun with, laugh with, just someone to share my life with and love. I am a very loving person and that's what I need in my life is someone to love. As hard as it is to just sit back and wait, that is all I can do unfortunately. I am ready for the love of my life to come into my life and make things better and to make me feel whole again. I feel like there is something missing in my life and it is that one person to share it with. I pray for him to come into my life soon because I can not take this being alone all the time every single day. I want to feel happy and have joy in my heart I just need a love to put it there. I have my daughter but it is still a piece of my heart that is still missing and isn't complete. I ready to feel complete.....

I hate my life right now.....

I hate where my life is right now. It makes me cry just thinking about it but my life truly sucks. I feel like I am trapped and can't do anything to make things better. I wish I knew what to do. I feel like I have been trying and trying and trying to change things but it doesn't seem like anything is working. First off, my job sucks I hate it so much I wish I could just quit. Incompetent bosses who don't care about the employees and things keep getting changed to make things harder on us instead of making it easier. Plus the pay sucks I can barely live on the money I get every two weeks. I feel like I work my butt off for little pay and have nothing to show for it. I have always been thankful for my job but I have officially been there for 4 years as of 12/7 and it has been time for me to go. I feel like I am in prison at that place I have applied to over 100 jobs this year trying to get out of there and I can't get anything. I can't believe how hard it is to find something but I am going to continue to try until something comes my way. I just want a Monday-Friday job so I can have my weekends free to be able to do things. Its hard when working every other weekend to plan to do things I would also like to be able to have my holidays off and of course better pay I feel I am a hard working person and deserve a lot more than what I am making now. Is it asking for too much? Another problem I am having is with men. I don't need one but it would be nice to have one. Someone to be there for me, someone to talk to, someone to be able to go out with and spend time with. Just someone special for me. It sucks being alone all the time. It would be nice to be able to get dressed up and go somewhere. I just wish I had someone to spend time with and love and adore just someone especially for me. I don't know what's going on with the guy I like. I feel like I'm in limbo. We have talked to each other for a month, have hung out with him a couple times but he doesn't seem to be interested in me as I am in him. I thought a person who is interested in you usually asks you when your free or the next time you can see each other or even ask you out on a date and he hasn't done that. When I text him sometimes it takes him forever to write me back or he doesn't at all. I don't know if that means he is busy or just ignoring me. I really liked him but all I can do now is leave him alone. I feel like I have started to get my hopes up over this guy which is depressing me because things are going no where with him so I am letting myself down by expecting him to want me. It was nice while it lasted having someone to care and think about but now its just back to lonely me. Another problem I'm having is finding a place to live. It seems like everything cost so much. My price range is $550 and less and it is hard to find a place for that much. I have found a couple of houses but apartments are hard to find. If I could just get me a better job with better pay so that I would be able to afford something decent. I'm not going to be able to move for a couple more months anyway and I am still on that waiting list for an apartment. I have been on that waiting list for months, over 4 months and still no call it sucks just waiting but I am still hoping by February I will be out this place and in my own place whether I can get into that apartment or I'm going to have to find something else. I miss being on my own so much. My life is in such a horrible place right now I just hope that by this time next year I will be in a better place in my life. A decent place to live, a better job with better pay and someone to share my life with. All I can do is pray for better days but I wish I knew how long it will take for things to get better. It is just hard to think positive when it seems like everything is going wrong. It would be nice to get a Christmas miracle like in the movies and that everything that I wish and pray for would start coming true. Wishful thinking on my part.

Feeling a little discouraged....

It seems like my mind is always on the guy I like but now I am thinking I should leave him alone for awhile. It just doesn't seem like I get to talk to him as much as I was last week. It just amazes me how things have changed so fast. Last week, we were talking to each other for hours everyday then I go to his house and we hung out and I was under the impression that we had a good time with each other but now it seems like I barely here from him now. It just depresses me a little bit because I want to continue getting to know him and it doesn't seem like he is putting in any effort to continue getting to know me. I asked him the other day if he was still interested in me and he said that he was but I would think that someone who is interested in you would have been trying to see when the next time we would be able to see each other again and go out on a date or something. I tried to text him today and haven't heard from him at all today. I wasn't going to text him today and instead was going to wait for him to text me because I don't want to seem like a bother and that I am bugging him all the time. Lately, it seems like I haven't been doing anything but talking to myself with him. I text him and it seems like it takes him forever to text back and I feel like I do all the initiating of conversations. So I decided I wasn't going to bug him anymore and that he can bug me first. But I just started thinking about why things seem different and I wanted to ask him what was his honest opinion of me after we met and spent time with each other. So I started the text asking how he was doing today instead of going straight into the question and was waiting on him to reply back before I asked and that was at 3:08 this afternoon and it is now 7:30. 4 hours and I haven't heard anything. I don't know if he is just busy because he has his daughter or he is spending time with family or what but I don't know anybody who is too busy to text someone and it take hours to do so I really don't know what to think anymore. I am just going to leave him alone from now on and wait to hear from him. I just hope he hasn't lost interest in me already. Just hoping for everything to work out and I will eventually hear from him again but he kind of gives me the impression that he doesn't want to be bothered with me. Don't want to put too much into this guy when we still barely know each other but I think I need to get my feelings off of him before I really upset myself. From now on I am just going to leave him alone and we'll see where things go from here.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Just wanted to make a quick post about it being Thanksgiving today. I am thankful for my daughter and for the Lord for putting a nice guy in my life to help me forget about my troubles. I know I am ready to eat and soon enough it will be Christmas. Once again, Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

The man I like....

This post is dedicated to the man I hope, God willing, to have a future with. I feel like he is all I think about all the time. It honestly confuses me that no woman has snatched him up. It makes me wonder if he has any problems. I actually asked him yesterday and he said no but that is still to be seen. I really don't get it he seems to have his life together, seems responsible because he takes care of his daughter all the time so he's definitely not a part time dad he is part of his daughter's life fully, he has his own house not an apartment but a house and a pretty big one at that, he is very well educated a Morehouse man, and not to mention he is very good looking so I can not understand why he is single and no woman has taken him off the market. He seems to have a lot to offer and he wants to get married and have a family. I hope that one day I will be the one to take him off the market. He seems like a really great guy and someone I can have a long future with. I was thinking yesterday that how did I become lucky to get to know someone like him. We just randomly started talking to each other on the Internet and now he is someone I like and pray that I can claim him as my own one day. The only problem is it seems like we never have time to see each other between my job, his job, me taking care of my daughter and him taking care of his plus me staying with my granny it just doesn't seem like much time for us to spend with each other one on one but I'm sure one day everything will work itself out. I could be thinking too much but I was thinking that he had to be put in my life for a reason and hopefully not just for a season. Maybe this is God or someone's way of putting an actual good man in my life to make up for all the crap I went through with my ex. It might be wishful thinking but I hope he is here just for me. But like I keep saying, all I can do is wait and see what happens. We're still in the getting to know each other stage but I'm hoping that this is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. If it is, I will be thanking the Lord everyday for allowing me to have this man in my life.