Fall semester starting soon...

Summer is almost over and the Fall semester starts next week. I'm ready but then again I'm not ready. I need to find out what's going on with my financial aid and if I can receive anymore. From what I see in my account, there is only one loan listed and that is not going to be enough to help cover the semester especially since I owe for the Summer. I'm nervous about school starting back because I always wonder if I am good enough to take the classes. There has been plenty of classes that I have retaken and I don't want to keep having to retake classes. I want to be able to keep going and finish. I am close to being done with school. I only have 4 semester left until graduation and if I can make it through this Fall semester I will be down to 3. Graduation is getting closer and closer and I want to do my best so that I can make it. I just hope this will be a successful semester but we will see what happens.

Summer session ending...

The Summer session at school is almost over. I have one week left and then I can enjoy the rest of my Summer until the Fall semester starts. I hope I can make it through these two classes. I feel like one of them I will pass and the other one can go either way but I want to pass both of them. The one I am not sure about I need to pass because one less class I have to worry about taking with this teacher will be great. This teacher sucks when it comes to teaching. For the final, she tells us to review the chapters but how are we suppose to review? Are we suppose to reread each chapter, or read the definitions? It's hard to know how we are suppose to study and I definitely do not have time to reread each chapter. We'll see how things go but I am hoping, wishing, and praying I can make it through these classes especially the one I am nervous about.

Cleansing...

I am starting a cleanse. I officially started today so before I started, all last week I was eating everything. All my fave foods: Subway, pizza, Chinese, Boston Market. I wanted to eat good before I started because I plan on cleansing pretty much the rest of the month. So I have to stay away from all the good foods for awhile. I am hoping I will be able to stay on it. It is definitely not easy doing a cleanse especially when you aren't eating anything and you start missing your favorite foods. I am attempting to do two cleanses. The one I am doing now is the 10 day smoothie cleanse. I am getting ready to order my next cleanse which is Dherbs and I am going to do that at the same time I am doing the smoothie cleanse. The smoothie cleanse is nothing but fruits and vegetables so I have spinach, kale, mixedgreens, berries, bananas, apples, mangos, and pineapples to make my smoothies for the next five days and then I will restock for the next five days. The Dherbs cleanse will work with it since you can't eat anything but raw fruits and vegetables. I'm starting off with the smoothies so that I can get use to eat before the Dherbs come in. I am also working out in the mornings so we will see how much weight I can lose by the end of this month. Day 1 is almost over, let's hope I can make it through tomorrow and the rest of the week. I'm nervous that I won't be able to because I am never good at completing cleanses. I can last the first few days then I am ready to eat some real food. If I can make it the first five days then I should be good to go and hopefully my body will be use to being on the cleanse and I won't be worried about trying to eat food. Let us hope I can make it.

Ready to be done...

I am so ready to be done with school. I have two more school years left if I can make it through these classes and I will be done. I did bad this Spring semester. 2 out of the 3 classes I took I have to retake. I hate having to retake classes I feel like it puts me behind in graduating. One of the teachers sucks at teaching. When we would have midterm and finals, she would post a review video, but half of the stuff that she reviewed in the video was not even on the tests so I feel like I studied the wrong things and couldn't complete most of the test because I didn't know the answers. How can someone take a test when they do not know what is going to be on the test and don't know exactly what needs to be studied? So now one of the classes I am retaking this Summer and the other one I have to retake next Summer. I am doing two retake classes this Summer and I pray I can make it through both of them so I don't have to worry about them anymore and I can move on to the next set of classes I need to take. The thing I hate about Summer classes are that they are only six weeks long so everything is crammed into six weeks. This first week wasn't bad but I had two chapters in a book I needed to read and did not make it through. I believe the hardest part is the readings. I have 5-6 chapters I have to read this week and I have no time to get the readings done. If I wasn't at work all day, I would have the time but I'm out the house all day and don't get home until the evening and after a couple of hours, I am ready to go to sleep because I am up before 5 am. So it is definitely a struggle. The only time I have to read is on the weekends and I'm not sure if I can even get the readings done then because the chapters are so long and my attention span is short but all I can do is try. I just pray I can make it through. I am nervous for the Fall semester because I am taking math and that is one of the hardest things I ever have to do. I have a hard time understanding math and I have a class that I am retaking for the fourth time so I have to get through it this Fall. I definitely do not want to have to take it for a fifth time. I feel like I need to look online and research some study tips to see if it will help me make it through these classes. I just have four more semesters to make it through, not including the Summers, and I will finally be graduating. I can not wait for the day to get here. It has been a long road to get there.

Weight loss goals...

It has been a while since I have posted anything.

I have been on this weight loss kick since last year. My goal is to pretty much get rid of my sagging lower belly that some women seem to get after having kids. I'm sick of looking at it so I want it gone if possible. So far, I have lost about 15-16 pounds since last year or I think I have since I am not sure how accurate my scale is. The plan right now is to lose as much as I can by the beginning of July since we're suppose to be going to the beach. Last week, I finally started getting up early to workout. I use to try to get my workouts in before bed but it has been hard with being out the house all day or having work to do or being sleepy in the evenings, it just makes more sense to get up in the morning and get it done. I was suppose to start doing it in the mornings months ago but it was a struggle getting up early in the morning to do it. I thought to myself last week, if I could get up early in the morning to take tests for school, which is the only time I can do it since the kids are sleep and I don't have to worry about anyone bothering me, then I should be able to get up early to workout. So that's what I started doing. The only thing I am having problems with is the food part. My plan is to just eat fruit and eggs for breakfast. I think I am going to add yogurt and eat a salad for lunch and then fast for the rest of the day. I have no problems eating my fruit, eggs, and salad but sometimes when I get off of work I end up getting something to eat. I'll either eat pizza, get some Chinese food, or some Boston Market, or something else I don't need. So I am going to challenge myself this week to just eat my fruit, eggs, and salad and fast the rest of the day. Hopefully, I can make it through until next Monday, then I plan on weighing myself. But until then, I am staying off the scale which I haven't been on in weeks because every time I would weigh myself I was always the same weight but I guess that isn't a bad thing I would rather be the same weight then to gain. We'll see how this week goes. I always tell myself, one day at a time, one pound at a time.

Happy New Year!...

Happy New Year!! 2019 is finally here. I can't believe Christmas has came and gone already but now that the holidays are over, everything can go back to normal. I wonder what this year will bring for me. Maybe love finally but I wouldn't hold my breath. Every new year that comes along I always hope it is the year I will find love and its been over 5 years later and it hasn't happened yet but we have a whole new year to see if this will be the year. I have a bunch of goals that I want to accomplish this year so I hope I will be able to do it. I hate the word resolution, I prefer goals better. So my goals for the year are to continue to lose weight, start saving money to hopefully get out of apartment living by the end of the year, do well in school and pass all of my classes each semester, and to pass a certification exam so I can get a better job by the end of the year. I just hope this year will be a great year but no one knows what the year will bring. I also hope I will be able to complete all of my goals. Day 1 is here, 364 more to go...

What is wrong with me...

I feel like there is something wrong with me when it comes to me liking someone. When I like someone I feel like I am all in to that person. That's why I feel like I couldn't date multiple guys at once. There is this guy that I like and he seems like a great guy. I have known him for months but things between us have literally gone no where. We have hung out at each others places but have never gone out on a date or anything. I am not trying to jump in a relationship with this guy I just want to be his friend, get to know him, and go out every now and again but it seems like he has been fighting me the whole time when it comes to me getting to know him or him getting to know me and going out. I have hinted at it a few times but haven't got anywhere. I text him but my texts go unanswered like he is ignoring me and I hate trying to communicate with someone and get nothing back. Its like I am talking to myself and I am starting to realize that if I can't get your attention then I am not meant to have it. I have been trying to find other guys to talk to between Tinder and Plenty of Fish so I can get my mind off of this guy and so far I am not having much luck. It has been hard finding guys that I am interested in. No one jumps out at me and makes me feel like I have to talk to that person. So then I get teary eyed because I just want to be somebody to this man and I don't think that will happen. I know I need to leave him alone but it seems hard to let go of someone you like especially when there is no one else to take my attention away from him. Why can I not stop thinking about this guy? He is always on my mind and it sucks. I want to stop thinking about him but it is hard not to. I hate feeling this way. Like I am a little heartbroken but its not like we are anything to each other so I can't feel too bad. I just wish I could for once have the man that I am interested in and that he can be just as interested in me. I feel like I always get looked over like I am not good enough. There has got to be someone out there I am good enough for or who thinks I am good enough for them but it seems like I will never find him. I feel like I'm trying to win the lottery-unwinnable. I want to be a winner for once I am sick of being and feeling like a loser all the time. When will it be my time to win?