Almost over....

Well the year is almost over. Thank you GOD. Today is the last day of December and the end of 2013. In a couple hours, it will be 2014 and I am glad that this year is finally over. It's been a horrible year for me. It started out good but the last half of it has been hell. I am just ready to start fresh and new and hopefully this year will be better than the last. I went through so much crap but I made it through everything I have been through between my ex walking out on us and having to deal with him throwing his girlfriend in my face and having to be stuck staying with my grandmother instead of having my own place and job hunting this entire year with no luck. 2014 I hope all my bad luck changes. I start school in less than 2 weeks and I am super excited about that. The only thing is I am still waiting to get the rest of my scholarship so it can pay the rest of my tuition off and so I can buy my books. Hopefully it will all be taking care of by the end of next week because after that it will be time for school to start. Also, I hope to get myself an apartment soon. My goal is to be in my own place by the beginning of February so we will see what happens in January and see if I will be able to get a decent place in the next month. I plan on continuing to job hunt and I am hoping before next Christmas that I will have a better job than what I have now. My goal is to get a job that is Monday-Friday, no weekends or holidays, decent hours, something like 7-3 or 8-4, and definitely better pay. I also hope that I will find me someone to love, someone to spend my life with. I am just looking for all my bad luck from this year to change in the new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! and hopefully it will be a better year for me.

Weight loss....

I am trying to see if I can lose some weight. I read an article from Women's Magazine about taking Raspberry Ketone pills. It helps to lose weight the article also talked about cleansing out your inside with a product called Zen Cleanse. So me being curious to see if it will work, I ordered both of them. I got both with a free trial so I didn't pay much for it. I got both of my bottles of pills yesterday and started taking the Zen Cleanse last night and the Raspberry Ketone this morning. The woman who wrote the article said that she only took one Raspberry Ketone pill in the morning and took one Zen Cleanse pill at night so I am doing it the way she did it. She said just by doing it she lost 25 pounds in one month so I hope to have the same results because my goal is to lose 20 pounds right now. I took my before picture and I will be weighing myself and taking a picture every week. The Raspberry Ketone website claims that it gives 4 times more weight loss than diet and exercise, boosts energy through the day, effective appetite suppressant, and works quickly with proven results. The Zen Cleanse claims to help eliminate bad toxins that have built up over the years, removes sludge from the walls of the colon, helps get rid of gas and bloating, and helps to regulate the metabolism. Just wanting to lose weight and this seems like a good start until I can start hitting the gym. We will see what happens in a month.

Advice for the new girl.....

I was just thinking that I wish that I could talk to my ex's new girlfriend to warn her about what she is getting herself into with this guy. He may seem like a nice guy but she never knows what he could be doing behind her back. Believe me, he has cheated on me, lied to me so many times I can't count and snuck around behind my back. It is not like I would be trying to tell her stuff to break them up but I feel like woman to woman I would like to help her not go through the same stuff that I went through. He walked out on me I assume for her so he could do the exact same thing to her that he did to me. Throw her in the trash and not think twice about it. I just hope she realizes that she deserves better before it is too late and she ends up getting pregnant by him or something. You would think she would think why would I want to be with a guy who has 2 kids by 2 different women and is already in a relationship with me when he basically just got out of one? I hope she is smarter than me and doesn't waste years on him before it is too late to realize that you wasted all your time loving and giving your heart to him before he throws it in the trash and moves on to the next girl. I wish I could tell her all of this but she would probably think that I am bitter and all I want to do is break them up when all I really want to do is warn her because who would know better than the woman who spent over 2 years with him. He is not trust worthy at all. I feel like I would want to prevent her from going through the same thing that I went through but I know she is going to have to figure everything out on her own. I just hope she doesn't wait too late to figure him out. All I can say is good luck to her......

The absolute worst luck.....

This is my 100th post!! I was just thinking that I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to men. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. Mr. Right doesn't seem to be coming into my life any time soon. It seems that every guy that has come into my life things haven't worked out. Maybe I'm too loving or too clingy. I don't know but it would be nice to find someone who likes to be loved unconditionally. The last guy I was with was the longest relationship I had been in with someone and that ended badly and makes me feel like I shouldn't give my heart to another man after everything that's happened. Then the guy I started falling for that I met online who I thought would made me feel like I could care for someone again seems like he wants nothing to do with me. We have hung out at his house a couple times but things are going nowhere between us. I text him and it either takes him forever to text back or he doesn't at all and he hasn't asked me out on a date or have attempted to try to get to know me or spend time with me so I guess that's my cue to leave him alone since it's pretty obvious that he isn't as interested in me as I am in him. I would hate to lose him he seems like every thing I could ever ask for in a man but who knows maybe there is another man out there that I will find perfect one day. I just really hate being alone. I have no one to talk to or go out and spend time with. It is not fun it's so depressing and I wish I could find me a guy who will talk to me all day when we're not together. Someone who wants to go out on dates and spend all of their free time with me. Am I asking for too much? All I want is someone to love who will love me as much as I love them. Maybe one day but this wait is killing me.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Its Christmas!!! I feel like I'm not really in the spirit. It just feels like something is missing. I spent the morning with my daughter watching her play with her gifts and just enjoying my time with her. Now she is gone with her dad and now I am bored with nothing to do. I'm just watching Christmas movies right now. I actually just found my Christmas present!! Didn't think I got anything but I got a laptop! Yay! I totally needed a new one. The one I have sucks. If it doesn't stay plugged in it cuts off so now I can use my old one as a back up and start using my new one just in time for school. I feel like I keep thinking about how much I wish I had my own family to celebrate the holiday with. I just keep imagining what it would be like me, my husband and our children opening presents, me making breakfast and us just enjoying our time together until we get dressed and go around to visit other family. Then we can come home and enjoy the rest of our Christmas together. That is what I am looking forward to. I can't wait until I am blessed with my own family because right now I am bored with nothing to do. I so hope that Christmas next year will be a lot better than this year was. Still waiting for that man I asked for Christmas but I know that's not going to happen but a girl can dream....

Back home......

Last night, I made it back home from my trip down south. We went to visit some relatives and it was a nice little trip away from home.  They live in a small city in Louisiana and when I say small I mean small.  It looks like all of their stores and restaurants are all on one street. I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said their city is only 4.1 square miles which is small. Some of the houses were nice but the majority of them were run down.  Every time I saw some people that lived there it made me wonder why they choose to stay there? The word that comes to mind about that place is Podunk. But of course I would feel that way I'm use to big city living. Where all the houses are close together and their may be some run down houses but it looks worse there and I'm use to seeing tall buildings. It is definitely different from home but I will say it does seem peaceful there and I'm sure their isn't as much crime as their is here. I am glad to be back home. We drove all the way down there and back which is an 11-12 hour drive. I officially do not like road trips unless I'm with some fun people. I was able to watch some Christmas movies in the hotel while down there so I am glad about that. I feel like anybody who downs this city and talk about it being boring need to go to a small city that doesn't have anything and then they will appreciate what they have and how special they're city is.

Too perfect to be true.....

Well it looks like things with the guy I like is coming to a screeching halt. We were talking yesterday and he told that he wanted to have threesomes and when he got married he planned on having a girlfriend for him and his wife to share. I'm thinking what 30 year old thinks like this? It sounds like something a young minded 19-25 year old boy would say. You would think a 30 year old would be thinking I'm getting older and I just want to find that one person to settle down with and marry and have a family with. Just when I thought I found the absolute most perfect guy something had to be wrong with him. I wish I would have known that I would have never had a chance with him before my feelings for him started getting involved. I actually started crying because I really liked him and really wanted something to happen. He was everything I ever wanted in a man, educated, has 2 goods jobs, his own house wants a big family, he made me happy when I got to spend time with him I hated having to leave. We have only been talking to each other a little over a month nothing really has happened between us for me to be crying over him. We're still going to be friends and talk but now my expectations are low with him. I am not expecting anything from him anymore. Maybe he will change his mind one day and realize he doesn't need more than one woman to make him happy. It seems like another loss of a guy I started liking. I just knew he was too good to be true. All my dreams for us have been ruined and it was nice while it lasted. I just wish I could have got what I wanted just this once. Seems like I can never have anything to go the way I want it to. I hoped that he was put in my life for a reason to show me that I would be able to get a good man in my life and now I don't know anymore. Looks like I'm back to being alone again.