Feeling better...

I am feeling a lot better than I was yesterday. Yesterday I was so sad and crying but I wanted to leave the tears behind and wanted to get on with my life. Honestly, it is hard hearing that a guy you like and wanted to have a future with ended up getting someone pregnant plus I was officially friend zoned. It just goes to show you how life can bite you in the butt. I really think the one thing that really bothered me and made me cry the most is the fact that he was everything I wanted in a man. That's why I always thought that GOD put him in my life for a reason and I was always thanking him everyday until this stuff happened. He was literally everything I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better man to be put in my life and now I feel stupid for feeling that way. He was everything I wanted up until yesterday and now I am afraid that I will not find another guy like him. I don't know if I can even talk to him anymore. Although we are still friends, that part hasn't changed and I still want to hang out if he ever wants to but right now I feel like I should leave him alone and just work on moving on with my life without the thought of me and him having a possible future together. I was planning on asking if he wanted to spend New Year's Eve with me if he didn't already have plans but now I think I should scrap that plan. It is really amazing to me how one day you could be happy and really like someone to the very next day you are sad and not sure how to feel or think about anything anymore. I always wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have been single for 4 1/2 years and can't seem to get a man to save my life. All I ever wanted was someone I could talk to, spend time with, have fun, cuddle with, laugh with and possibly marry and have a few babies with. I am officially off of men. I don't know for how long but it always seems like the guys I really like something negative happens. I feel like when it comes to love I don't think I will ever find my way and feel like I don't know how to. All I can do is to continue living the life I have been living all these years. All by my lonesome. I just pray that the right guy comes along when it is time. I don't want to be alone forever I just hope the guy that comes into my life will be the man that I will be spending the rest of my life with since it doesn't look like that is going to happen with this guy. I will say that although things didn't turn out the way I wanted with this guy, I'm still glad I met him and that we are at least friends but it looks like I am going to end this year off the way it started...alone.