I think I am done dating...

I really think I am officially done dating for awhile. From the looks of it the guy I was interested in may be in a relationship and it sucks. Of course, I had to snoop on her Facebook page and its a pic of them together. It pisses me off because how many dates did we go on and I never got a picture of us together. It just really hurts my heart and makes me want to cry that I can't be with the man that I have been wanting for a year. I can't believe I wasted a year on this guy for me to end up with my heart hurt and in that year it literally got me no where with him. It makes me feel like a fool, a dummy. I'm still asking myself why did this have to happen to me? All I can do is sit here and try to keep the tears from falling. I really, really, really liked this guy. I could see myself being with him. I thought we always had fun when we were together. I just hate that I wasn't good enough for him because he was definitely good enough for me. He was everything I could have ever asked for in a man. I just think to myself that maybe it won't last long, maybe it's just a summer fling, and maybe I still have a chance one day. Trying to make myself feel better but I still feel like crap. I just hope it doesn't last a long time. That's all I need is to be crying over a guy who was never really mine but I wish he was. All I can do is move on and try to keep my mind off of him which probably won't be easy but I do know that I am officially done dating for the time being. I do not want to end up in this position again. Feeling like a complete fool. I hope this feeling goes away soon but I don't think it will...

So annoyed...

I am still annoyed about the guy. I feel like I wasted a whole year to get no where. It's not like we only went on a couple of dates. We went on numerous dates and hung out numerous times. I really thought that it would have went somewhere. It pisses me off that I feel like I wasted a year on this guy. It's not like I am getting any younger. I am 31 years old. I would like to be in relationship with someone. Why does it seem like a hard thing to do? I have been single for going on 5 years and I am sick of it. I would like to have someone to go out with. Give me a reason to get out the house because I never have one. I feel like I don't have time to waste on guys who just waste my time. I would like to get married one day and have a few more kids. I find myself looking around on Tinder and Plenty of Fish to see if I can find any decent guys to talk to but I think I am just trying to find another guy like him but I do not think that is going to happen. He was literally everything I could have ever wanted in a man and now it seems like my chance with him is over at least for now. Who knows if this thing with this other girl is going to work out. It's not like they are exactly official or anything and it could be over in a couple of weeks or by the end of Summer. I can only hope. Then I might have another chance. Only GOD knows and I am praying for HIM to put a decent good guy in my life one of these days. It just sucks having to wait. Who knows when the wait will ever be over since its already been 5 years. I just really hope that I won't have to end another year single. I really would like to be in a relationship by the end of this year. All I can do is wait to see if that will happen but like I said before waiting sucks.

Life sucks once again...

So today it is looking like the guy that I have been interested in for a year is interested in someone else. He is writing on facebook about being interested in someone and I know it isn't me. I feel like I wasted a year and it pisses me off. I really like this guy and I was hoping that the feeling would be mutual. I thought that if we spent enough time together that it would eventually lead to a relationship. I tried my best. Anytime that I would have a free night to myself or had a chance to go out I always asked him. I guess the whole spending time with someone to lead to a relationship thing is false. I pretty much knew he wasn't into me the way I was into him. Every time we did go out it was from me asking, he never asks me if we can go out and we never hang out. I have always waited to hear, "Hey, if you're not doing anything can I come over and hang out?" but that never happened. It just really sucks because I honestly feel like every guy that I am interested in they are never interested in me. This is the fourth instance that I can think of this happening to me. It always makes me wonder, "What's wrong with me?" and "Why am I never good enough?" I always feel like I am always last choice. When will it ever be my turn to be happy? When am I ever going to find someone who is interested in me as much as I am interested in them? It makes me want to cry. Why can I never have the guy that I am interested in? It's times like this that really make you feel lonely. I just wish I knew when the loneliness will finally be over.

Spring 2018 is officially over...

The Spring semester is officially over!!! I made it through all of my classes. I got an A-, B+, B and a C. I'm just glad I do not have to retake anything. Now it is time for Summer classes and I am nervous. I'm taking two and one is a retake and its the third time I am taking it. I just hope I can finally be done with this class once and for all. I am scared that I won't be able to keep up. It is only 6 weeks and I am sure their will be a lot of work due at once so I hope I can keep up. I'll be so happy when I am officially done. I feel like I have too high expectations on finishing school. I want to be able to get a minor and a certificate so that would mean adding on extra classes. The problems is being able to take some of them. Half of them are online while the other half is on campus and its not like I have a lot of time to go on campus. I'm trying my best to figure out how I would be able to take the classes. Can I find someone to keep my kids late so I can go to class after work? Can I some how rearrange my work schedule so that I can take a class without losing any time? I hope I will be able to figure it out when the time comes but this would be a good time to win the lottery. That way, I can quit working or work part time so that I will have time to take classes on campus when I need to. I just hope it all works out in the end.

Braceface...

I got my braces a little over a month ago and I am still getting use to them a little. When I first got them my teeth really hurt for a week. It was really hard to eat anything that was hard or chewy because it was painful. All I could eat was soft foods. I get a little pain here and there from different teeth but it not bad now. I had to get use to eating with them because food gets stuck in them so I always have to make sure I clean my teeth after if I am out. If I am at home I don't care if I have food in my mouth. I bought a water-pick and it saves a lot of time cleaning my mouth then it does regular flossing. The hard part would be the wire because it sticks the inside of my mouth. There is wax to put on the uncomfortable parts. When I first started using the wax it was horrible because I would leave it in my mouth then when I was ready to brush my teeth the wax would be all in my mouth. I just wondered what's the point of using the wax when you brush your teeth and it comes out and then you will have to put more in. One time I was running my tongue around my mouth while I was eating and got my tongue stuck. It was hard to get it loose. Surprisingly there wasn't much blood. I do see some of my teeth starting to straighten out but I am ready for this process to be over and get these brackets and wires out. I don't think that will happen until next year but I can not wait to have my teeth look normal and have more confidence when I smile.

End of the semester...

It is finally the end of the semester. I love when the end of the semester comes around because if I do well in my classes then its one less semester away from graduation. That is what I am looking forward to is finally graduating. I have three more semesters to go not including the Summers which I will be taking classes for the next two Summers so if I include them then its five more semesters. I think I did pretty good this semester. So far I have a 2 B+, an A, and a C-. I just need to get the C- up to a C to pass the class. Hopefully I can do it. I'm taking the final for the class tonight so we'll see what happens. Then I will have two more finals to do and I'm not looking forward to them because the teacher doesn't give a lot of time to complete the tests. One of them is 50 minutes for 75 questions and the other is an hour for 100 questions so I hope I can do decent on them and then we will see what my final grades turn out to be.

Today, I officially started my cleanses. I am doing a green smoothie cleanse and a full body cleanse for the next 10 days and I hope I can make it through. I can't eat anything but raw fruits and vegetables. I am already wanting something real to eat like a burrito and its only the first day. I am trying to stay strong all I have to do is make it to next Saturday. I think the first few days is going to be the hardest just getting use to it but if I can make it to next Monday or Tuesday then I should be use to it and can make it to Saturday. Once its over I am going to get me some real food like a burrito or some chinese food or something. Then I am going to start drinking meal replacement shakes twice a day so for breakfast and dinner and I will eat whatever for lunch but try to keep it as healthy as I can like a salad, yogurt, fruit, and eggs. My goal is to get under 200 pounds. So my first goal is to get to at least 199 then I want to weigh between 170 and 180. So we will see how much I can lose by the beginning of July and then we'll see where I am by the end of this year. I'm trying to cut down on the junk food and maybe go down to once or twice a month. Day one is almost over I just hope I can make it through the whole 10 days.

Two and a half months in...

It is the middle of March and I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything so this is my first post of the year. So this semester is actually going well. I can't believe how different this semester is compared to last semester. We are on Spring break this week but next week we will be in week 11 so there will be only 6 weeks left not including finals week. I am ready to get through this semester so I can move on to the next. I should be officially done with school by the end of next year if I don't have any more problems these last few semesters. I only have three more semesters to go not including the summer semesters and I can't wait. I am still manless unfortunately. Spent Valentine's Day alone which I am use to by now. The guy that I have been going on dates with and hanging out with doesn't seem all that interested in being with me. I have known him for almost a year and it just makes me wonder why we haven't gotten together after all this time. How long do you date someone before you make it official and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend? We have been dating 9 1/2 months and I am basically still in the friend zone. I think I have officially given up on this guy. I don't even bug him as much as I use to because I'm starting to feel like what's the point. I still hope something happens between us. Maybe something will happen this summer, if not, then I will have officially been single for 5 years by July. I am still confused about if I want to go back to job hunting. I don't want to leave my job because I like my job but it's a part of me that feels like I should try and gain some experience doing something else before I graduate. I am really conflicted on what to do. Should I apply to jobs or should I forget about it? It's amazing how last year I was trying my best to get out of my job and find something else and now I am pretty content with my job. It doesn't get on my nerves as much as it was last year which is a good thing. In less than two weeks, I will officially be getting some braces. I can not wait. I have been waiting since last year and I can finally get it done. I decided to get ceramic braces because I wanted to have braces and not the Invisalign but I didn't want metal braces. I want the braces that have the clear brackets. My birthday is coming up in a week and a half and I will officially be 31. I still can't believe I am in my 30s and I still don't have a man to share my life with. I would love to get married one day but I can not find a man who wants to be with me. It sucks but hopefully things will turn around before this year is over. I finally made a plan on how I am going to lose weight. It took awhile but I finally have a plan in place. I found some exercise videos on Youtube that I am interested in doing and I am going to do a 10 day green smoothie cleanse. Once I am done with the cleanse, I am going to start drinking meal replacement shakes. I seen them advertised on Facebook today and it is a lot of people who are actually leaving good reviews and are losing weight from them so starting in April I will start my weight loss journey. I will try to record my progress on here and talk about how I am feeling as I go through the 10 day green smoothie cleanse. That is pretty much all I have been going through the past two and a half months. Until next time...