New Years Eve...

It is officially New Years Eve so this will be my last post for the year. Once it turns midnight, it will be a new day, a new month, and a new year. I wish I had someone to bring in the New Year with. Maybe something will happen later but right now it looks like I will be bringing in the New Year alone again which is nothing new. I can't remember the last time I brought in the New Year with someone. It would be nice to have someone to bring it in with maybe even get a New Years kiss. I really hope this New Year will finally be my year to find love. I always wonder why I always have a hard time finding someone. It seems like the majority of everyone I know either has a boyfriend, are engaged to be married, or are married. I wonder when it will be my time. I feel like I been single a long time and I am ready to have someone I can share my life with and possibly marry in the future, be able to have a few more children with and start our own holiday traditions. I feel like all can do is daydream about having a boyfriend, being proposed to, and just being with the love of my life because it doesn't seem like it will ever happen in real life. I pray that the next guy who comes into my life is the one that I will be spending the rest of my life with. Hopefully by next Christmas, he will be in my life. I wonder if it will be someone I already know or someone I haven't met yet. Only the LORD knows but I sure can't wait to find out. I am just ready to love and be loved in return. Just to have someone who loves me unconditionally, flaws and all and someone who can't imagine me not in there life and can't imagine being with anyone else. I hope I will be blessed enough to find a guy like that and hopefully 2018 will be my year.

New Year Goals...

We are two days away from Christmas!! The year is almost over and it makes you think about what you want to accomplish in the new year. It is usually called resolutions but I prefer to call it goals. What I would like to happen next year is I want to do better in school because this semester sucked. I think the fact that I was taking 5 classes had a lot to do with it. If I didn't work a full time job then 5 classes would have been doable but I am out of the house Monday-Friday between 7 and 5 and once I get home there is not a lot of time to get much done and I am having to spend the whole weekend getting all the assignments done before the cut off time which is 5 on Sunday. It is ridiculous how many assignments it is. It could be 18 assignments due within the week and don't forget about the readings. So from now on I will not take more than 4 classes. Hopefully that will help me out because I do not want another semester like this one. Another thing is I hope I will be able to find love. This year definitely did not end well in that department so maybe next year I will have better luck. When the holidays come around it really shows how lonely you can be. I can't wait until I can get married and have a husband who I can create family holiday traditions with. I might be still job hunting. I am kind of torn on if I will continue looking or if I am going to stay where I am for awhile. I am just going to take it as if something comes along and I am suppose to have it then that is how it is suppose to be. We'll see what else is in store for next year I hope it will turn out to be a good year.

Why can't love be like...

Why can't love be like in the movies. I watch a lot of cheesy Hallmark movies and it seems like the man and the woman fall in love after only knowing each other a few days or weeks. Is it just a movie thing or can falling for someone just from talking to them and getting to know them can really happen? The guy I was interested in I have known him for months and from just hanging out and going out on dates I was starting to fall for him but I guess the sentiment wasn't the same. At least it was months instead of days or weeks although I did like him from just our first interaction with each other because he was funny and seemed to know what he wanted out of life. It would be so cool if a guy was interested in me the way I am interested in him but it looks like that only happens in movies.

Feeling better...

I am feeling a lot better than I was yesterday. Yesterday I was so sad and crying but I wanted to leave the tears behind and wanted to get on with my life. Honestly, it is hard hearing that a guy you like and wanted to have a future with ended up getting someone pregnant plus I was officially friend zoned. It just goes to show you how life can bite you in the butt. I really think the one thing that really bothered me and made me cry the most is the fact that he was everything I wanted in a man. That's why I always thought that GOD put him in my life for a reason and I was always thanking him everyday until this stuff happened. He was literally everything I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better man to be put in my life and now I feel stupid for feeling that way. He was everything I wanted up until yesterday and now I am afraid that I will not find another guy like him. I don't know if I can even talk to him anymore. Although we are still friends, that part hasn't changed and I still want to hang out if he ever wants to but right now I feel like I should leave him alone and just work on moving on with my life without the thought of me and him having a possible future together. I was planning on asking if he wanted to spend New Year's Eve with me if he didn't already have plans but now I think I should scrap that plan. It is really amazing to me how one day you could be happy and really like someone to the very next day you are sad and not sure how to feel or think about anything anymore. I always wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have been single for 4 1/2 years and can't seem to get a man to save my life. All I ever wanted was someone I could talk to, spend time with, have fun, cuddle with, laugh with and possibly marry and have a few babies with. I am officially off of men. I don't know for how long but it always seems like the guys I really like something negative happens. I feel like when it comes to love I don't think I will ever find my way and feel like I don't know how to. All I can do is to continue living the life I have been living all these years. All by my lonesome. I just pray that the right guy comes along when it is time. I don't want to be alone forever I just hope the guy that comes into my life will be the man that I will be spending the rest of my life with since it doesn't look like that is going to happen with this guy. I will say that although things didn't turn out the way I wanted with this guy, I'm still glad I met him and that we are at least friends but it looks like I am going to end this year off the way it started...alone.

Feeling like crap...

I feel so hurt. The guy that I have been dating and was really into told me that he got his daughter's mom pregnant. They are not together or anything but somehow it happened. I think the one thing that upsets me the most is that I have been praying for this man and thanking the LORD for putting him in my life and then this happens. I really liked this guy and it just sucks that I always get the short end of the stick when it comes to finding love. We're still friends and that's luckily all we have been anyway. If we had been anything more then I would be more hurt but he basically friend zoned me and said he would rather be single so he can have his freedom. I guess I'm better off because I doubt I would want to be with a guy who is having another woman's baby. I'm trying to stop the tears because it does hurt. I am real depressed and hopefully it won't take forever to pass. I feel like when I think about it, it makes me teary eyed and since I am at work I have to hold the tears in the best I can. I think I am officially done with guys. I think I am set on being alone. I don't want to be but it seems like every time I am interested in a guy he is either married, has a girlfriend, still has feelings for their ex, or friend zones me. I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to men. No wonder I have been single for 4 1/2 years. It seems like there are no good, decent men around or I am just having the roughest luck finding someone. It seems to make sense to forget guys because I always end up hurt. Am I ever going to have a good, decent guy come into my life and wants a relationship, maybe get married and have more kids? I thought I had found him and I was wrong and it sucks so bad. I really thought the LORD had put this man in my life for a reason and now I really don't know what to think anymore. It sucks to go from being happy and really liking someone to feeling broken. I hate this feeling. I just want to cry but can't since I am at work. I really feel like crap.

Heading to December...

I can't believe it is almost December. It will be officially December in 2 more days. My baby's birthday is on the first she will be the big 3. It is hard to believe 3 years have came and gone already. The girls are getting so big and I pray the LORD blesses me with more kids one day. On Sunday, I went to go see Janet Jackson and it was an awesome show. I kinda wish I could see it again and get closer seats. I was in the 8th row so close to the stage but hopefully the next concert I go to I can be even more closer to the stage. I went with the guy that has pretty much turned into my go to guy for dates although I wish it could be more than that. I feel like there is something there between us and it is funny to me because it seems like we both want to kiss each other but neither one of us want to make the first move or we are scared to go there. As long as I have known him, which has been since April, all we have done is hug which is cool but it would be nice if we could be more affectionate to each other. I guess it would be better to wait until we got to a point where we are more than just dates. I was just thinking that it would be cool if we spent New Years Eve together and we could share our first kiss at midnight and maybe officially become a couple and start the New Year off as boyfriend and girlfriend. I think that would be so awesome if that were to happen.

Nothing yet...

It's been awhile again since I posted. I hate slacking and letting so much time pass. Still haven't found another job yet unfortunately but maybe the right one will come along one day but I guess its not happening right now. The Fall semester is almost over and I think I have been doing horrible. Some stuff I haven't been turning in because of procrastination or just not knowing what to do. I am hoping that I will do better and do the best I can before the semester is over. I can't believe the year is almost over, only less than 2 months and it will be the new year. Still single. Doesn't look like I am going to be getting a man anytime soon and I am okay with that. The two guys that I was talking to, one of them I still talk to every now and again but I haven't seen him since September. The other guy ghosted on me. I have no idea what happened to him and why he stopped talking to me all of a sudden. I really thought he was interested in me and I haven't seen or heard from this guy in months but at least I was able to get a computer out the deal. The other guy I still talk to, I wish he would be my boyfriend and one day my husband. It just seems like we both want the same thing and he is a good guy but I feel like I am not what he is interested in because if he were interested then I would assume we would hang out more than we do. Plus I always feel like I am the one who initiates a conversation. It would be so lovely if I could finally find a guy who would chase after me, initiates conversations, and ask me out instead of the other way around. I feel like I am always the one doing the most and I feel like it should be the man. I think that is why I am done with guys for now. The right guy just never seems to come around. I have been single almost four and a half years. How much longer am I going to be single? I hope its not another four but I feel like with the way things are going I will probably end up being a cat lady. Old and alone. I feel like the older I get the more I should have someone to be able to spend my life with. I still would love to have a couple more kids but only with my husband so hopefully it is possible to meet a guy if I haven't already met him, spend time with each other and get to know each other, get married, enjoy being married for awhile before we start having kids and enjoy the rest of our lives together, as long as divorce doesn't come in. I just hope within the next 2 to 3 years I will be married. I am not getting any younger and the older I get the window to having more kids start to close.